1) Toxic positivity: When people default to bypassing difficult emotions in the service of forced positivity (fake positivity) is when 'toxic positivity' takes root.
2) Just like we can get stuck in difficult emotions, we can also get stuck in the idea of 'positive only' and this is fundamentally an avoidant coping strategy (a form of gaslighting oneself - or others.)
3) When we default to 'Just Be Positive' we close ourself off from learning from difficult emotions, understanding what values emotions are signposting, and to developing skills in dealing with these difficult emotions.
4) The beauty and fragility of life are interwoven. This reality demands that individually - but also at a societal level - we let go of these narratives of toxic positivity and become better at navigating the full range of what makes us human. Otherwise we are in denial.
5) It is here - in integration - that wisdom, resilience and true change are borne. It is only when we are fully able to see ourselves - including our difficult emotions - that are are truly able to see others too.
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Feelings are not facts. You don't need to believe them.
Are they valid? Yes. They are a core part of our experience of the world.
- Should we honor them with compassion? Yes.
- Should they be heard? Yes.
- Do they signpost things we care about? Yes.
Are they facts? No.
*Choosing* to believe a feeling, is not the same as automatically believing it.
I trust my best friend. Can I honor her, love her? Yes.
- Is everything she says a fact? No.
- Do I believe *everything* she says. No, she could be wrong.
- Do I obey everything she says? No.
I may have any number of feelings: that I'm unlovable, guilt that I'm a bad parent, or similar.
Is that feeling a "fact"? Do I *have* to believe the feeling?
- Am I unlovable. NO.
- Am I a bad parent? NO.
A long history of "feminizing" emotion - the notion that emotional capabilities and emotionality are more female than male - has devastating consequences.
One is the suppression of NORMAL yet supposedly "undesirable" emotions by gender and associated mental health costs.
Another is the societal devaluing of the "care" professions especially when those professions intersect with gender bias - like therapy and social work.
The crisis in available care and the underpayment of those who provide it, should be deeply concerning to all.
Another, is the view by many organizations & education systems that the emotional skills that are *essential* to wellbeing and adaptability - and will become more so in an increasingly complex, automated world - are "soft skills."
A leader is someone who instead invites, “trust my compass.”
1/5
It's tempting to present solutions and strategies as if they are defined and incontrovertible.
Yet, the truth is leaders cannot know the answers.
The world - technology, politics, and markets - is constantly changing. There are simply too many variables for a "map."
2/5
Leading from a "map" is a frequent organizational expectation. This is inhumane.
It places extraordinary pass/fail pressure on the leader; it demands teams act in particular ways "or else"; it denies the truth: the future is complex and outcomes are impossible to predict.
3/5