Here is me:

I 💯 do not care where/when/if/how my kids go to college.

I talk to them about meaning, the confinement of debt, autonomy, and service.

The rest is up to them to steer through. I’m just there to back them up.
Neither my husband or I had a normal path to/through higher education.

I don’t value the usual path much.

If my kids desire that, that is their hustle and I’ll back them up.
Many many teachers and parents stare at me aghast when I say such things.

But it is all I have to offer the conversation once it turns to where/when/how kids are going to college.
I waited tables for ten years as my primary full time occupation

Ten years.

I was smart, gifted, broke, unsupported and my life was just as valuable and I contributed to my community exactly as much as I do now.
The belief that there is one, sure, best path to security coincides with nothing I have ever seen in my own life or in my client’s lives.
I have seen people rise from incarceration. I have seen people sink into the depth of hell from from the pinnacle of generally consensual “sucess”
The more those around me insist that there is one best path, the less interested I am in pursuing it.

If my kids choose, want or need that path, I’ll support them from behind.
But, to me it seems practically archaic now, in the throes of global and historical events.

And although I may follow my kids down that road if they choose it, I am never going to be the one to lead them there.
But I really don’t think the norms of the past 40 years were actually normal. They were certainly not sustainable or just.

And I think they could be collapsing so I think it may be important not only to cling for dear life but to learn to let go.

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More from @shrinkthinks

21 Sep
We are so attached a heroic myth, the warriors myth, the narrative of battle, of conquest, of expansion, of dominance.

What if our over reliance on this myth is our inherent failure? What if healing can only emerge from stories of shared brokenness, of humility, of mortality?
I don’t know the answer- I only know that our old myth has lead to this horror.
I wonder what it would look like if we began to distrust all of our fight, war, and battle metaphors.

I’m not a simple pacifist. i just wonder if the route up the mountain is the one we have never collectively tried.
Read 7 tweets
19 Sep
Hate doesn’t stop hate but setting firm fucking limits does.
Holding goddamn boundaries against immortality is not “hate”

And guess what, sometimes setting limits requires summoning healthy aggression.

Aggression is not inherently unhealthy, destructive or hateful.
Sometimes it is utterly necessary

whatashrinkthinks.com/the-harder-the…
Read 5 tweets
18 Sep
I want everyone to have support- but I am also conscious that so many therapists, counselors and coaches feel as lost and overwhelmed as everyone they are supporting, with the additional pressure of thinking they are suppose to have answers or be able to “do something”
You don’t have to do anything or offer any answers. There are none. Maybe you can spot a potential for comfort or agency overlooked.

Any of us can only take whatever action falls within a small sphere of control, & accept there are forces that are larger than any individual.
And to the counselors and supporters and helping professionals:

Remember that even listening and absorbing and reflecting back the fears and sorrows of others will activate your central nervous system and have a neurobiological impact.
Read 5 tweets
18 Sep
Since the pandemic/ fires/election /zombie apocalypse started my life has been sorted like this:

____________Work________________

________Agitation_________

_____ Long Walks____

____Despair_____

____Rest___
In order to move from work to rest or rest to work I have to move through every layer in between.
Work includes: writing, scheduling, client contact, cooking cleaning, home repair,

Rest includes: meditation, reading, sleep, watching shows, socializing.
Read 6 tweets
17 Sep
I wish this had happened once in my kids life. We cared for and buried family members, had so many medical emergencies, i had prolonged cancer treatment - and if my son referred to our realities he was told not to make “excuses”.

Just reading this makes me choke up.
I didn’t used to be someone who was prepared to fight a teacher or work to actively undermine them- but years with 504s, IEPs and the rigid focus on metrics instead of the lives and learning of children- left me surprised when I encounter a thoughtful compassionate teacher.
Meeting after meeting to confront teachers with our humanity. To get them to see my child who was hiding himself from them in fear. Battling to breakthrough their projections and beliefs that he “just had to be more responsible” or “work harder”

Begging for scraps of humanity.
Read 11 tweets
17 Sep
Personally, I think parenting without ever once raising your voice is not “positive”

I think it is a bit inhuman, somewhat self-abusive for parents, and the hostility often oozes out passive aggressively.

I prefer my expressions of anger neat, and straight up.
This is a subtweet of an article I didn’t read all of and 10,000 conversations with mommies that I moved away from at the playground.
Abuse is unacceptable.

Anger is inevitable, healthy and HUMAN.
Read 4 tweets

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