There is a prayer in the book of seven hundred verses dedicated to Maa Durga (Durga Saptshati) - the 'Kshama Prarthana', the payer that seeks forgiveness. This prayer often concludes a ‘havan’ or a ‘paath’.
I don’t remember when it became a part of my everyday set of prayers. The practice began with aping the elders during the family or community prayers. It was encouraged too, "Look, how beautifully she recites the verses at this age!"
This turned into a ritual, becoming to my prayers, what muscle memory is to actions. As a child, I sought the forgiveness of the goddess not knowing where I had erred. I did not know the meaning of the words that constituted the prayer. I had only learned the pronunciation.
The understanding was that this prayer would make my chants and the rituals fool-proof. That I would be forgiven, if I had erred.
That gods and goddesses were supposed to be feared, had made home in my heart. I do not remember my parents ever telling to it me. But, somehow what I had learned outside formed an impression.
I was once told by a close relative, that, because god is omnipresent, girls, when they reach a certain age, should bathe in the bathroom with their clothes on, or avoid praying while taking a bath. I never forgot the casually framed remark and the fear it instilled in my mind.
During the visits to my village, or even in the small town where I lived, I sometimes found men bathing in the open, chanting some mantra or the other. Some of these were the same men who presided over the village prayers. Quite often their pronunciation of the mantras was wrong.
Were they forgiven? The child me would often wonder.
With the passage of time my relationship with religion became complex - first bordering skepticism, and later, turning into indifference.
My relationship with our gods too went through a process of disillusionment and oscillation, until it turned into a beautiful personal equation with the Creator.
There are prayers forced out of fear. There are prayers offered out of love. I choose to believe in the latter.
My Sanskrit is covered in rust, since I last learned it in school. The translation may not be exact but it is fair. This prayer (among many others) is what makes our religion beautiful:
आवाहनं न जानामि न जानामि विसर्जनम्।
पूजां चैव न जानामि क्षम्यतां परमेश्वरि।।
I know not how to invoke thee.
Nor do I know the concluding rites.
I am ignorant of the prayers and rituals too.
I lack the knowledge of the mantras.
I do not know the path of action.
Perhaps, I am unaware of devotion too.
Still, Mother, bless this manner of my prayer.
So, why do I write about this interpretation of the prayer today? Because, I believe that it is important for us to read our religious books and our religious literature. We must not depend on the interpretation ascribed by others. We must find what it can to mean to us.
We must know that our gods are not full of wrath, ready to punish us at the first smell of a mistake. Our gods and goddesses are loving and benevolent. They forgive. They do not discriminate.
We are told that we are created in the manner of god. The truth is that we also create gods in the manner of us.
When I leave it to HER and surrender - यथेच्छसि तथा कुरु - what she does, is always full of love.
:)
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A lot of ancient knowledge is codified in rituals. Some of it may have become obsolete over time or got embedded in new forms.
Have I made an effort to go to the source to understand it before retrofitting it in a contemporary framework?
Is the critique pursued with integrity?
To see the grain of truth (or to disqualify it from being true), if one can deconstruct rituals, one must be willing to shed layers of one’s own self too.
Which is why this system of knowledge-seeking lays emphasis on intent.
Intent brings quality to the individual pursuit of knowledge, and for that knowledge to then be able to be useful for society.
The non-existent ‘Global Hindutva’ is being dismantled by American and Indian academics on the day the twin towers of WTC were brought down by existing global jihadis.
While,
one last Hindu remains in Afghanistan;
1/n
more than a crore Hindus have had to leave Bangladesh due to persecution and discrimination (acc to a study by Prof. Abul Barkat, Dhaka univ);
Hindu women are being raped and converted in Pakistan;
2/n
the Hindu population, in the last 5 decades, has fallen across nearly 11 lakh sq kms of landmass.
Hindus have lost land as well has cultural capital.
3/n
I was in a dilemma whether to share a personal experience or not, but if it helps someone who is considering this profession, it will be worth it.
Some of us who are branded as one show/film wonders or ‘failed’ actors, voluntarily choose to disengage with this industry.
Or, we choose to engage with it completely on our terms. Some of us find spaces other than acting to still work here. Spaces which allow us our dignity.
This is not a comment on the hard work that actors put to reach where they are.
This also also not a generalisation, because you may also end up meeting wonderful people here.
But, just as a certain kind of ambition has a cost, so has the decision to engage with this industry on your terms. The latter would mean less work, less fame, less money.
The monopolisation of ‘empathy’ in the Liberal Arts discourse leads to some observations. It’s good to repeat them even if they are ubiquitous.
The stream uses empathy to legitimise a discourse and a narrative which is selective and not liberal.
A majority of the stream’s practitioners find themselves ill-equipped to believe that the rest of the world can be empathetic too. So, fundamentally this liberal discipline actually makes you illiberal.
If that isn’t enough, it also gives you the licence to look down upon those with a different opinion, from your self-made pedestal of righteousness and virtue signalling.
Over the years, I have realised that some of what I have known as idealism is actually avidya. My notions of war and peace have been simplistic. A slow and steady quest for truth has shown the way.
Ahimsa is a lofty goal. But if we see, Ashtanga Yoga talks about ahimsa at the level both, the thought and the action. As long as there is maya, there will be many pravrittis. There will be forces to destabilise the world and there will have to forces to quell that disruption.
I have been reflecting on this context. A world without borders sounds beautiful and I wish it was possible, but borders are a geographical reality. While wanting peace to prevail, we must understand that anti-war must not be made synonymous with anti-military.
I really believe empathy to be the highest virtue. I have wanted to believe that there is a way for faiths to live together amicably. But, I think I have been living in a fool’s paradise.
While the rest of the country is following the orders of the government, do we have to be at the mercy of the religious leaders of one community to ask their people to behave responsibly?
Is the onus of following rules only on other communities?
There is only one kind of people spitting on, pelting stones, attacking and firing at police, doctors and healthcare workers. Tik Tok videos glorifying defiance and spreading of the virus are being made aplenty.