I wish that there was stronger cultural messaging around friendships, and how to tend to and care for them. I wish there was more space to talk about how painful it is when they shift, break, die off slowly, die off suddenly.
American culture valorizes the Nuclear Family Unit such that friendships are often categorized as secondary to romantic love, sexual attraction, filial commitment. Losing those relationships hurts in a way that's easy to communicate to those who prioritize them above all else
But prizing community, to me, means loving your close friends as your family. It means treating them with the deep care you show a loved one. Explaining that - and expressing the grief of a lost or injured friendship - to people who don't operate that way is next to impossible
I am such a proponent of the notions that not everyone needs to be friends - that a lack of regard doesn't have to mean malice or abuse - that friendships can and should change over time because people change and that's a good and healthy thing!
But a lack of cultural framework to talk about friendships as intentional, loving, important relationships makes it so fucking hard to talk openly about those dynamics when friendships change or fall apart. I see so many people hurting in this way and not knowing how to say so
Anyway love your friends, tell them so all the time, be kind as you can to each other, grieve however your heart needs. It's okay to miss a friendship and it's normal to hurt at the absence of someone you love, no matter what mode you love them in. It's okay to care. 💜

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More from @gaileyfrey

29 Jun
As we're all talking about dangerous, abusive patterns of behavior, there is one that stands out to me as particularly painful, especially in communities that are trying to heal. It's a type of manipulation that can be incredibly difficult to navigate well.
There is a type of person who considers themself a master chess player, a social strategist, and a cunning manipulator of individuals (who they do not see as people, but as tools) and circumstances.

That is, until something goes wrong.
When this type of person encounters a boundary they don't like, or a refusal to do precisely what they want - their narrative turns inside-out. Suddenly, they are an innocent victim being battered by cruel monsters (who they still do not see as people, but as obstacles).
Read 11 tweets
28 Jun
Some things to try to remember, to keep the newest wave of SFF discourse from breaking your brain: two things can be true at the same time, and there don't have to be tidy answers to questions of harm.
An example of two things being true and not feeling particularly satisfying: a person can experience harm at the hands of others while also being a profoundly unsafe and abusive person within their community. The latter doesn't cancel out the former; these facts can coexist.
Another example: a person can explicitly, frequently talk about their intent to manipulate others for access to power.

That same person can also get hurt in the process of artlessly trying their hand at that manipulation.

Both can be true. That pain is real.
Read 5 tweets
20 Jun
Okay friends, it's a fucked-up night for a lot of people on here who are seeing conversations about abuse and exploitation so let's check in and make sure we're taking care of ourselves and staying safe. This will not be comprehensive, but it's my best go:
Are you breathing? It's easy to freeze up and hold your breath when you're feeling activated. Try to make a little more space for breath if you can. If you're able, inhale for 3, hold for 4, and exhale for 5.
Where are your shoulders? Are they up around your ears? If you can, try to push them back and down. Gently stretch your neck - let your chin drop toward your chest, then roll your ear toward your shoulder, then go back the other way.
Read 14 tweets
21 Mar
Y'all, on top of everyfuckingthing that's happening right now, I am having a day.

Here's the situation.

My snails love to fuck.
I don't know how, and I don't know why, but somehow I managed to get the two most amorous snails on the face of the earth. They are constantly On Each Other. "I'm not worried!" I (a fool) said to myself. "They can't reproduce in fresh water!"

BUT THEY SURE CAN TRY
so anyway these two assholes unstuck themselves from one another long enough to lay (presumably nonviable) eggs on every surface of the aquarium.

(Pictured: the lesser bastard.)
Read 14 tweets
12 Mar
In this moment of Everyone Stocking Up On Everything, an important thing to watch for in your home (and especially your kitchen): Tiny. Brown. Moths.
If you see one of these fuckers in your home, take action immediately. They're pantry moths and they want to make babies in your pandemic stockpile.
Here's how you respond to pantry moths:

1. Seething, incoherent rage
2. Go through your dry goods. All of them. Look for caterpillars, cocoons, and strands of silk. If you see grains seeming to float in midair, they're probably caught on silk.
Read 10 tweets
24 Feb
Dem candidates in a jug band, sorted by instrument:

- Warren plays the banjo & is great at it, &everyone in the audience keeps reminding you how hard the banjo is to play, & you're like "I know!" but then VH1 doesn't include her in the Behind the Jug Band special, like, at all
- Sanders plays two washboards at once & whenever he gets to do a washboard solo it smacks ass, it's like washboard dream theater up there
- Buttigieg plays the jug but it keeps slipping out of his damp little paws and he catches it with a panicked "oh no, my jug!!" expression

People tell you that it is wrong of you to laugh when he drops the jug but you cannot help yourself
Read 11 tweets

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