Aella Profile picture
Sep 14, 2020 5 tweets 1 min read Read on X
As a kid/teen, I read a lot - and I mean a *lot*; for example I got through nearly 1 book from the Sword of Truth series *per day*. I built a contraption to let me read while showering; I read in the car, by the moonlight, I snuck books under the glass dining table at dinner. 1/
I had at least 2 books on my person at all times just in case I finished one and needed another. I lined my bed with books and slept on top of them.
At this level of excessive, near-constant reading I remember having a different experience of reading than I can achieve now. 2/
I wouldn't read words, I'd read phrases as solid chunks, and often treat full paragraphs similarly to the way I read sentences now; some part of my brain skimmed *in addition* to reading; it sort of told my eyes where to jump to catch the important words so I could come out 3/
of the paragraph with good comprehension. And my comprehension was good - reading tests clocked me at around 800 wpm with decent retention.
What interests me about this is that I think I was doing some sort of data compression? Like, I read fewer total words than were there. 4/
I don't know how my brain managed to figure out which words to read and which ones not to at that significant a scale.
I can't do this anymore; my reading speed has dropped a few hundred wpm. There's still some chunking, but it doesn't feel the same.

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More from @Aella_Girl

Apr 13
some ppl I know are real fluid in business, agentic financial success, etc., but it took me *so long* to learn this. It was a foreign language.
here's my timeline of constant failures and dumb mistakes:
im a teen in suburban farmland idaho in a lower-middle-class family, house for my family of 5 cost $130k, 1/5 people in the city have any sort of college degree. I'm homeschooled, as well as all my friends. Adults tell me that I can make my own business and im like ok lets do it
I look at what I can do. I like reading and writing, and I like taking photos of things. Maybe I can sell my photography? I take some photos of people and make a lil website. I do cool boudoir/fantasy style pretty-girl photos. Nobody hires me.
Read 27 tweets
Mar 19
i know this isn't quite fair, but part of my brain just doesn't believe that non-fundamentalist christians are christian. My brain goes 'oh isn't that cute, you're larping religion, only deviating from secular culture in a few convenient instances of generic social conservatism'
'yeah, you read the bible and concluded that the way to think, act, and believe was almost exactly like the rest of your modern western secular culture (evolution being real, women's rights, wearing tank tops, etc) with a lil honey drizzle of 'praise jesus' ontop'
'that's not religion, that's toothless religious aesthetic, hollowed out onto a shell of convenient ritual and excuse for community'
Read 4 tweets
Mar 9
this is totally unreasonable but i sorta feel like it would be a soothing balm on my sexuality to tell someone my weirdest fetish and have them respond "oh yeah i've talked to 8 other ppl with that fetish, it's super cool, [bunch of diagnostic questions about the fetish]"
i want someone to be completely unphased, i want them to have already been well exposed to the fetish and the subcategories, i want them to know it well enough to be able to ask interesting questions to get at the shape of it, and use other ppl like me they know for reference
this is super unreasonable because my weirdest fetish is extremely rare (sub ~1%ish prevalence, though it's not top 1% most taboo) and it's statistically unlikely that *I* even personally know 8 people who have it
Read 5 tweets
Mar 2
I'm not sure if i have full autism; I seem to have some symptoms but not others. I have a hyperfixation on data collection. you have no idea how much data i have. most of it i hoard and never manage to get it out into the world.
I only occasionally get sensory overload tho
i really hate the sensation of getting out of a shower, which is a big part of the reason i replace many of my showers with spot-washing.
but i seem to be able to do normal smiling and nodding stuff pretty convincingly?
for many years i felt like i had to move my face manually, like when i was socializing i consciously changed around my facial muscles. by default my face wanted to be pretty still. this has faded in recent years tho and now expressions are much more automatic.
Read 8 tweets
Feb 5
i think most people are operating quite similar to me in life, but are in intense denial about it. I think a lot of the people accusing me of being weirdly robotic and evaluatory are also doing it too, but are so afraid of rejection that they hide it from themselves.
I think I've got good self awareness, enough to know that my insides - and probably yours too - are a mismash of unflattering motivations. I suspect people acting horrified are just failing to be sufficiently self aware. I was also horrified by similar things pre-introspection
Imo the difference between horrified-twitter and me is not that we're built out of different stuff, but that we are the same - only I accept my dark parts, identify the urges that are nonharmful to me, and then act on them despite horrified-twitter's attempts to shame me for it
Read 11 tweets
Jan 30
i'm not sure ppl properly appreciate the intense subjective experience of a woman making the decision to go into sex work.
It's not like she doesn't know society hates it. She's not stepping in blind or ignorant. Every woman knows exactly what it means, and chooses it anyway. 1/
As a kid in an abusive, extremely repressive household, I learned the skill of making cognitive decisions from a "rational" standpoint, and then coldly following through with that decision no matter what emotions kicked up as I powered through it.
This came from a warped need to force myself into correct, good, nonsexual, obedient behavior in the face of a culture that would punish me hard for deviating from a traditional woman's role in a monogamous, sexually conservative culture. But it ended up being useful otherwise-
Read 13 tweets

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