here's a fun story

when i was in college I was one of those people that set up little tables in liquor stores so you could taste test booze (I'm very classy!) and one time Three Olives made me go out and sample "Dude Vodka" which was mountain dew flavored vodka.
I was supposed to mix it with something so I could offer it to people as a "fun party shot option" and all I could think to do was own it and mix it with Mountain Dew and readers I sold more than 50 bottles of that shit in a single day.
Another time I had to do samples of Pinnacle's chocolate vodka - I know, disgusting - and in what I think was the height of my fake bartending skills I mixed it with cherry capri sun and called it "chocolate covered cherry shots" and sold out in like 90 minutes.
Anyway, people are gross and there will be a line at Red Lobster, is what I am saying.
Also, if journalism doesn't work out for me I am going to apply for cocktail creator jobs at TGI Fridays and Hoolihans because y'all let me tell you I know what 22 year olds want to drink and all of it is disgusting.
ANOTHER INSPIRED CREATION: Cherry vodka, sprite and a lemon sugar rim. It tastes just like a cherry limeade and will kill you much faster.
DONT LIKE WHISKEY?! Fine. Mix it with strawberry lemonade from a jug. People will drink it regardless of how bad the whiskey is.
Want to make a margarita fast for people who have the taste buds of a frat star? Throw your tequila into some off the shelf limeaid, add some sprite and a splash of minute made tequila. They will believe that it is a nice margarita.
I am telling you, all of these vile, ridiculous things worked incredibly well.
LOL "minute maid orange juice" not tequila. But really, what's the difference.

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More from @JessicaHuseman

25 Sep
who wants to see a picture of my dog
A squirrel has been spotted
Read 6 tweets
24 Sep
It's fascinating to watch a WH spokesperson say "every vote matters" when the president is the leading source of misinformation on voting.

Please take what I said out of context, Alyssa. You did it when I was reporting on the "voter fraud commission." No surprise you do it now.
The press release sent by the DOJ defines nothing. It is deeply not typical for the DOJ to release "updates" to investigations not completed. Comey was fired for doing that. Do you care to comment on what is apparently a deeply politicized announcement, @Alyssafarah?
Also, hey, @Alyssafarah, the DOJ took the release down. Care to comment on those 9 votes and what happened to them? Image
Read 4 tweets
24 Sep
A small TX county was overrun by a common malware attack, and its outsourced IT department did nothing to stop it. An under reported threat to 2020: Counties whose IT offices are not following best practices. From me, @jackgillum, @jeffykao,…
In this case, the county judge — the highest elected official in the county — told me he had no concerns about the problem. "We get spoofed all the time," he said. When I asked him about what he'd done to fix the problem, he called me a "real piece of work."
For those asking me how I responded I said, "Yes sir, I am. That's why I'm good at my job." which he did not like at all.
Read 4 tweets
21 Sep
who says being a reporter isn’t the most glamorous job in the world Image
.@propublica I apologize for this glamorous choice which has cost the company $38.
I actually genuinely love motels like these and they are generally clean and the people are nice so all of this is in jest. One time one of these hotels let me plug my computer in with their Ethernet cable at the check in desk and do a TV spot live in the lobby.
Read 4 tweets
19 Sep
fun fact it is easier to vote in Texas than New York
three weeks of early voting, which it’s had for a long time. Elections offices in Texas are also staffed by professional administrators, and in New York they are controlled by deeply problematic party officials. Until this year, NYC had no early voting.
In 2018 (and a whole bunch of other times) NYC removed thousands from the rolls for no real reason and was sued. Every county in NYC was under preclearance and if you want an example of why, look at where they put early voting locations.
Read 9 tweets
18 Sep
If you are a journalist, please do not write “there were lines as far as the eye can see” when the wait is 20 minutes long. Studies show that voters will stand in line without being all that bothered by it for half an hour. Don’t make people afraid to go out and vote.
I have been in drive-through lines that took longer than 20 minutes
I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but hey maybe I do: We are in a pandemic so the lines look longer than they are because people have to stand 6 feet apart.
Read 5 tweets

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