Steve Cuss Profile picture
Sep 17, 2020 12 tweets 3 min read Read on X
At some point for most Christians, we have to wrestle legalism to the ground. For some it is a nagging issue, for others it is plaguing, and for some it is utter paralyzing.

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As a pastor, I have heard thousands of testimonies of people. It is one of the dearest privileges of being a pastor - that people would share their walk with Christ with me, how they have encountered grace etc.

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For people who spent more than 7 years in a church, they mention legalism. They say something like, 'I was raised in a legalistic church, but now I am on the hunt for grace.' Of course, they have much more to say, but for twitter, that is the basic summary.

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"I was/am/am trying to shed a legalistic environment/group of people/church and now I am pursuing grace and freedom."

This isn't just a church thing, by the way. I was once talking to my dad about legalism. He has set foot in a church maybe 20 times in his life.

4/
He asked what legalism is, I said, 'well, its sort of an external set of spoken and unspoken rules by which the group decides if someone is good or not.'

Yeah, ok, there are probably better definitions. No need to get LEGALISTIC about it, twitter!

5/
Anyway, he said, 'I know what that is. I was raised in a legalistic family then.'

Dad has been trying to break free from the grip of it his whole adult life. He continues to evade Jesus. Jesus has not given up on him. I appreciate your prayers for my precious dad.

6/
Anyway, we all talk of legalism like it is outside us. It is 'over there.' It is 'that group' or 'those people' and for many it is 'that church.'

This was my story too until I started raising kids.

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One of my kids went through a full blown legalism phase between about 8 - 13. It was mortifying. Huge judgment, very black and white declarations about, for example, people who smoke.

We'd never talked about people who smoke, or even smoking for that matter.

8/
It wasn't around him, it was in him. I was mortified.

What if my grace filled church produces the same testimony as so many I'd heard? What if the kids in our youth group tell their pastor years later, 'yeah, I was raised in a legalistic church.'''

9/
I began to study legalism. It is more a function of human development than simply group pressure. How it is, in fact inside all of us, more than it is around us.

The reason a group is legalistic is because of the developmental stunting of each in the group

10/
We all fall short, says Paul, of the glory of God. I wish he had added, 'we all fall short of our own standards too.'

Whatever set of standards and values you hold for yourself, you fall short of them. It is the indicator that we need the grace of God.

11/
If you are trying to shed its residual effect on you, I would encourage you to primarily do internal work first - find its source inside you. The source of it is your false self. And die to that. You will break free much quicker than if you keep seeing it 'in them.'

12/12

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More from @stevecusswords

Apr 18
Day 4.

Chronic anxiety or 'reactivity' is based on false needs that feel real in the moment.

Acute anxiety is based on real threat.

Slamming the brakes, swerving to avoid an accident, losing a child on a playground, seeing a snake when you're out jogging - acute anxiety.

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Image
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Not doing it perfectly, letting someone down, needing to be understood - chronic anxiety.

The problem is, the 'chronic' VERY much feels like the 'acute' in the moment.

Your body cannot tell the difference until you train it.

2/
Humans seek 5 core false needs: control, perfection, having the answer, being there for others, approval.

Let's look at two....

3/
Read 10 tweets
Apr 17
Day 3.

Unaddressed reactivity wears us down.

We get reactive when we don't get a false need that feels like a real need.

What do you think you need that you don't really need? Image
We all have dozens of false needs and when we don't wrangle our many false need, they pile up and get the better of us and wear us out.

2/
Some of my false needs:
1. I need everyone I meet to like or approve of me.
2. I need to be understood.
3. I need to make the person in front of me feel better.
4. I need to always know what to say or do in any situation. You MUST see me as a smart person.

3/
Read 7 tweets
Apr 16
Day 2.

Reactivity stops us from being human sized.

We end up getting bigger or smaller than human sized.

1/
Image
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Some of us, when we are reactive get 'bigger.' We must have the last word. We no longer listen to learn, we now listen to advise, fix, correct, or mansplain. We get aggressive, we dominate the space. Some of us literally make ourselves bigger.

2/
Some of us get smaller than human sized. We no longer feel safe to be exactly ourselves in that space. We do not speak up in the meeting, we flatter rather than tell the truth, we get quiet.

Some of course get bigger or smaller, depending on the circumstance and people.

3/
Read 12 tweets
Apr 15
Reactivity exists and spreads in 4 spaces. Our tendency is to focus on anxiety in others, or to react to it but not notice it.

Some of us focus on others by enmeshing with them. When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...

1/ Image
Sometimes we focus on them by fixating: blaming, moving into self righteoussness, or irritation. 'Why do they do that?!!!'

But the absolute secret to reactivity management is to spend most of your time in 1st space.

Here are the spaces:

2/
1. The space inside me.
2. The space between me and the other.
3. The space inside the other.
4. The space between others.

3/
Read 9 tweets
Mar 22
A gentle reminder that your inner critic is telling you a gospel. It just happens to be a gospel of condemnation and shame.

I fired my IC, but he kept coming to work, like Milton from Office Space. I've learned to quieten it by containing it with God's first and last word.
1/
This is slow transformation work, not one and done. I started in 2016, noting how often I called myself 'stupid' or a 'moron.

50-100 times per week. Lord have mercy.

I vowed to treat myself the way God treats me. It was harder than I thought it would be.

2/
It turns out, I believed the gospel of 'self' and inner critic over the gospel of Jesus. And it took much faith and patience to relax into the gospel of Jesus.

Still a work in progress.

A quick test for you:

3/
Read 8 tweets
Jan 5
One of the most powerful ways to lower reactivity in you and your people is to learn to notice it.

Noticing is sort of a reactivity power tool. It builds your immunity and you're less likely to catch and spread it when you're working on noticing.

What situations or types of people tend to generate reactivity in you?

How can you put yourself in those situations this week so you can practice noticing what goes on in you?

Then, after a few reps, as you walk into those situations, how can you pause to get your noticing radar set?

I'll give an example from my own life:

1/
A surefire generator of reactivity for me is when people ask me questions and I don't know the answer. I am a recovering 'stupidholic' and when I don't know something, especially if it is within my responsibility, and someone asks, I feel exposed.

*This, of course, is a false need.*

So in elders meetings which are monthly for our church, it is common that an elder asks me about, say, the children's min budget trend from the last few years.

2/
Now that elder isn't expecting me to know it right away. He or she is very happy for me to get that info later, but in the moment, I lose all reality because reactivity puts us in a false reality.

In the moment, I HAVE to know the answer for the world to be ok.

Reactivity is CRAZY. It is always selling ARMAGEDDON in the moment. That which is crazy suddenly feels eminently reasonable.

3/
Read 7 tweets

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