Uncomfortable truth about men: Some of us just stop growing, get comfortable and content, and just sort of stall out
It's an unfortunate downside to our ability to NOT get bored with consistent mid-grade happiness. When we feel that, we want to just keep it going, ride it out..
But women hate this. They need us to consistently maintain forward motion or they dry up
Personally I've never suffered from this but often I feel surrounded by men who have
Example:
I had a co-worker in his late 30s tear his ACL playing hoops.
Once he healed I asked him to join me for a pickup game.
Him: Nah I'm done with that
Me: What do you mean, like forever?
Him: Yeah, no more hoops for me
Me: WTF?
That was 4 years ago now he's fat AF. Easily 100lbs heavier, face all inflamed, and his woman runs the show
A man needs that voice inside that's always pushing.
There are no destinations, only levels
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Men who have witnessed the ruthless, ugly, exploitative side of women and become single as a result, will have to ask themselves:
Are we “healing”, or have we just isolated ourselves and removed our triggers?
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The post-breakup/divorce PEACE can be absolutely other-worldly, divine, and addictive
Realizing we don’t “need” anyone is an empowering revelation, one we could have used prior :)
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But there are only 2 ways to prevent repeating the same leadership failure:
1. Place a ceiling on all future relationships, a wall through which we allow no women (essentially choosing peace over depth of connection, and possibly life meaning). A perfectly valid choice
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To many men, women (especially older women) seem to display a severe lack of curiosity about anything outside of their own experience. Even, especially, when it’s something their own partner is sharing about their experience
They’ll deny it of course…
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She could talk about her trip to China for 20 minutes, and when he interrupts to say “oh yeah, I used to live in China”, she says “cool!”… then continues on talking about herself
This is especially pronounced if he’s talking about something she might perceive as weak…
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Complaining about something, talking about an injury, a problem he’s dealing with, etc.
See my earlier post about him being “the container” to her content. When he shares in this way it breaks the frame/content order, and she can feel it
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Your woman’s in a crappy mood, and you ask her to go to the movies. “NO!”
So you distract her a little bit with some conversation, do your best to make her laugh, pay her a compliment or two, then do a little dance with her in the kitchen. Suddenly her mood has changed…
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“Come on sweetheart, I’m taking you to the movies :)”
“Ok :) that sounds fun”
Was she lying before? Saying that she didn’t wanna go to the movies?
Was she playing games with you?
Was she deliberately trying to confuse you and cause friction and pain?
Marriage was never about love or feelings. It was a partnership to procreate and survive
100 years of Hollywood focus on one piece of that puzzle that “sells” (the amazing feelings that CAN come and go within that partnership) has redefined the very purpose of the union
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Now almost all (western) women believe marriage is about them and their emotions being satisfied or not by a man
Men, too, convinced that their role is to make her happy (happy wife, happy life)
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Marriage is about children. Adults coming together to build two decades of safety and security for offspring
An adult allowing his or her emotions to get in the way of that (let alone destroy it) is nothing but a tantrum that sends a ripple of pain through their genealogy
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Stage 1: Taking what you feel on the inside, and expressing it immediately on the outside
“Get upstairs goddamnit! I told you five times! Go brush your teeth!”
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Stage 2: A communication-based expression
“OK kids, if we don’t brush our teeth and get in bed now, we’re not gonna feel great in the morning we might be late for school, let’s build good habits here”
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Stage 3 considers THEIR experience and works with ENERGY
Stage 3: “OK monkeys, first one to get upstairs and brush teeth & get in pajamas on gets a gold medal from the Olympic bedtime judges. Last one gets called BozoBooty until lunchtime tomorrow. On your mark get set go!”
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