John says 'perfect love casts out fear.' Perfect love displaces fear. And I think fear can displace our awareness and experience of perfect love. It cannot displace God's love, but it sure can displace our awareness of it.
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Knowing you're in anxiety's grip is actually difficult, but you can learn to notice it when you are no longer aware of God's presence and God's love. It could be that your anxiety has displaced your awareness of God's love.
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Signs of it:
- you start to think it is all on you/all on your shoulders.
- 'if it is to be, it is up to me.' An anxious statement if ever I heard one.
- An impending feeling of doom or hopelessness.
- Rigid thinking, either-or locked in thinking
- double binding.
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Chronic Anxiety has a gospel.
'it is on you, there is not much you can do, you are not ______ enough, YOU are not enough, there are only bad options, try harder, do more of the same.'
Recognizing Chronic Anxiety's message helps you displace it with the actual Gospel.
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Even though we have the Gospel, we often don't access it. We spend most of our time living by our false selves, not by the Gospel. I have been doing this work for decades and I still spend more time living for false self, than I do resting in my identity in Christ.
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So it is essential for me to practice radical self kindness as spiritual transformation can be slow, slow, slow.
We think we should be further along by now.
That last sentence is yet another evidence of anxiety's grip.
Should, should, should.
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But what if you stopped 'shoulding all over yourself.'
What if you were at least as kind and patient with yourself as God is?
Perfect love displaces fear and Chronic Anxiety.
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Displacing it can be a learned spiritual practice.
1. Notice that I have lost touch with God's presence and love. 2. Name what I think I need that I don't really need. 3. Die to that.
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4. Jesus died so I don't have to ______ anymore 5. What if I were at least as ______ to myself as God is. 6. Pull out your life giving list and do something on that list. 7. Pause and breath, breath, breath.
God is as close as the air you breath, in and out.
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This is a slow, learned spiritual discipline.
A couple of disclaimers:
- There are at least 5 types of anxiety. I am only talking 'chronic' anxiety which always shows up based on false belief or assumption.
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PTSD, GAD, Grief, Acute anxiety etc are all based on real triggers and require a different set of tools.
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Finally, I rest most when I remember that not only is God with me, but God is AHEAD of me, already at work in the thing I am anxious about. God is there too. So when I walk into an anxious situation, I am walking into a situation where God is, and God is at work.
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I don't have to initiate, or do, but rather, my first task is to do my best to pay attention to God. What is God doing? How can I join what God is doing?
Easier tweeted than done, but a worthy endeavor.
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One of my clients was talking about a newly formed staff meeting and one team member's tendency to critique and shut down others' ministry approaches. Ie, they not only didn't like the approach, they found it utterly wrong.
They were utterly wrong.
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It reminded me of the HIGH importance of the team leader managing anxiety in a staff. When one person 'pounces on a peer' and it is left untreated in the room, the staff will no longer show up as themselves.
It is on the leader to redistribute the anxiety.
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Typically the 'pounce' is spoken in a way that communicates, 'this is the end of the matter.'
People who are rigid communicators, people who speak emphatically, who aggressively critique another in public....they communicate 'no one else gets to say anything.'
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One of the most powerful ways to practice #differentiation is through the lens of responsibility. What is mine to carry, what is theirs, what is God's? Not an easy question to answer, but always worth a pause and reflection.
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When we're in anxiety's grip, we tend toward hiding, avoiding or blaming or, yikes, the trifecta of all three. But practicing differentiation forces us to clarify responsibility. The authors of Scripture remind us again and again that we can control one thing: self.
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So we can make a list of the things we are anxious about and then a check box set of columns.
How much control do I have over what I am anxious about?
We get reactive when we don't get a false need that feels like a real need.
What do you think you need that you don't really need?
We all have dozens of false needs and when we don't wrangle our many false need, they pile up and get the better of us and wear us out.
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Some of my false needs: 1. I need everyone I meet to like or approve of me. 2. I need to be understood. 3. I need to make the person in front of me feel better. 4. I need to always know what to say or do in any situation. You MUST see me as a smart person.
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We end up getting bigger or smaller than human sized.
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Some of us, when we are reactive get 'bigger.' We must have the last word. We no longer listen to learn, we now listen to advise, fix, correct, or mansplain. We get aggressive, we dominate the space. Some of us literally make ourselves bigger.
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Some of us get smaller than human sized. We no longer feel safe to be exactly ourselves in that space. We do not speak up in the meeting, we flatter rather than tell the truth, we get quiet.
Some of course get bigger or smaller, depending on the circumstance and people.
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