Britbot turning away from the negotiating table and immediately walking face-first into a cactus.
"Fine, then we'll just have no deal!"
"Okay, if that's what you want."
"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Honestly, we're pretty ambivalent. These negotiations are solely for your benefit."
"Can't stand that we've called your bluff!"
"I don't know wha..."
Tories have an incredibly warped view of the power dynamic in this situation. It's like reading tweets from Bizarro World.
"We'll show those power-mad Eurocrats!"
*Baffled group of suited EU negotiators sitting at a table glance at one another*
"We literally just want you to abide by the agreement we already made, which is already significantly worse than anything we've offered you in the last four years."
Nothing short of literally unmooring the UK and sailing out into the middle of the Atlantic will satisfy these people. What a waste of four years, two elections, three parliaments and countless meaningless column inches.
Think of all the endless debate over nuances of a deal, the monstering Corbyn got from both sides for not having a plan to solve an impossible impasse, the resignations, the money spaffed on advertising, negotiators, consultants.
Think of the time and energy we've all wasted on leadership squabbles in both parties, on splinter groups, on drawing lines in the sand and polarising political discourse. Think of the stress, the anger, the endless uncertainty.
Four years of having to give a fuck about variations on soft Brexit, hard Brexit, Norway-style deal, Switzerland-style deal, Canada-style deal. Four years of teasing out the details of EU legislation in order to talk about this boring shit with other people.
Four years of court cases, parliamentary rebellions, hail marys in the House of Lords, petitions and deadlines, hashtags and protests and little European flags, of damage limitation and deal after deal after deal.
And we all knew, deep down, that it would come to this. They just wanted the symbolism of sneering at the French, the imagined control over immigration, the appeasement of their racist fantasies. No actual political reality could satisfy those ugly needs.
This result could have been achieved in 2016. We would have saved a lot of time and effort. Hell, after four years of No Deal, we'd probably be trying to get back in now.

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