A list of “true” things about the world that people told me 100% believing in them and that turned out to be not at all true for me (in particular)

A primer on how just because things on average might seem like “common sense” in some contexts doesn’t mean they apply to you
1) “Women aren’t as interested in sex as men are and it’s normal to be sexually frustrated in your marriage”

You sweet summer children. This screws people over all the time. Libidos are personal and variable and you can 100% find people of either gender who want a lot of sex.
2) “If you undergo a gender transition, your life is going to be very hard and people won’t want to associate with you.”

Sooooo wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Even wrong 10 years ago before it was Okay to be Trans(tm). People are much cooler on average than you expect.
3) “Okay, but you’re never going to find someone to love you and marry you and if they do there’s probably something wrong with them.”

My ex is an amazing, handsome, tall, high-earning, caring, wonderful man and he wrote me a song he sang to me to propose on a moonlit bridge.
4) “Okay but that’s super rare. You got stupid lucky.”

Yes he’s very special. But every one of the partners I’ve been with over the years have been attractive, interesting, smart, wonderful people. There are a lot of good eggs out there if you go looking. On that note...
5) “Maybe you can find someone to love you but you’ll never be pretty or be a Real Girl(tm).”

I’ve really come to love how I look (attractive = effort/attitude) and if you think I’m not a real girl that’s fine. You can draw your lines where you want, I’ll draw mine where I want.
6) “There’s not any money in being an author.”

My bank account says differently. My publishing business and writing books is what earned me financial independence and allowed me to fund and launch spin-off businesses.
7) “Okay but it takes forever to build the skill to get there and you have to work for nothing for a long time and I can’t do that.”

Nope, it’s about trying stuff and putting yourself out there and finding a niche and not giving up. Write to market and keep going.
8) “Your writing isn’t good enough for people to pay you for it.”

You’re selling it to the wrong people. There’s an audience out there for anything. Product market fit, keep turning rocks over.
9) “Authority figures have your best interests at heart.”

Actually, it turns out most authority figures have THEIR best interests at heart and if you’re lucky those interests align. Usually you’re not lucky.
10) “You’re not going to find a better offer than this one.”

There’s no reason for someone to say this if it’s true. It’s a control tactic in 99% of cases.
11) “Drugs are always bad and will mess up your life.”

Drugs are tools that if misused can have serious consequences. Drugs also taught me how to love myself and everyone around me and be more compassionate and well-adjusted in every facet of my life.
12) “It’s unreasonable to expect a big salary increase from where you are now. You should be happy with 7%! That’s fantastic.”

You can double your income this year if you really wanted to. You just need to meet people who can teach you how and the drive to make it happen.
I could go on and on like this.

The point of this thread isn’t to brag.

The point is that YOU DON’T KNOW what’s possible for you or anyone else around you. The only way you’re certain to fail at something is not to try.
And just because you believe limitations exist doesn’t mean they do. You can trot out all the numbers and charts and facts you want and the fact is that there are always outliers and once in a while you’re guaranteed to be an outlier.
You might be an outlier in love, or business, or health, or longevity, or luck, or who knows what else. You certainly can’t have everything you want exactly when you’d like to have it.

But the more you try to go for something the better your odds of getting it are.
People love to tell people that they can’t do something and often this is because THEY can’t see how it could be done.

We all have limiting beliefs.

But if you want something you have to go for it. Or you definitely won’t find it.
The sooner you adopt “I don’t know what’s possible but I’m willing to try” as a life strategy the more doors will open up for you.

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More from @liminal_warmth

16 Oct
This chain of claims comes up a LOT in discussions like this and I've never seen it backed up by any actual data (and it's certainly not backed up by many people I know who are actually in happy, long-term relationships)

People happily make all kinds of compromises for love.
It's in line with how some people BELIEVE things should work but not at all in line with how things ACTUALLY shake out a lot of the time
This irritates me because whenever people tell someone they "can't" do something or something "won't" work out for them, it's almost always a limited perspective on what's possible

So much is possible if you want it and look for it
Read 5 tweets
30 Sep
Scenes from college with @eigenrobot:

"Eigen and I played World of Warcraft as much as we could reasonably get away with, and then played it some more, to the point that we would skip basic household chores like grocery shopping because it would require us to take a break."
"I remember one afternoon when I went into the kitchen, hungry, looking for a snack, and then came back to Eigen's room holding a half-full bag of egg noodles, and asking him, "Is this all the food we have?"
"Oh," I replied. "Well, should we go to the store?"

There was a brief pause as we both considered for a moment.

Then, Eigen: "Well, there's at least a day or two of food there."
Read 17 tweets
29 Sep
"Magic isn't real" is a motte and bailey category error because when you start there, anything you successfully label as "magic" becomes "not real" and you can laugh at it and call it dumb with social approval
But if you start picking at this (as I have) you quickly realize that this label is very fuzzy and everyone throws different things into the "magic isn't real" bucket but is unsure about tangentially related other stuff

Precision of words helps us figure out what's real
Unfortunately, we don't have a cultural shorthand for all the weird things that "could" be placed in the weird paranormal bucket but most people associate many of those things with magic even if they insist that they really mean "just casting spells"--and even that's hella loose!
Read 7 tweets
27 Sep
1/ Okay friends, I'm drowning in DMs so let's just do a thread.

Now Presenting: Liminal Warmth's guide to why you need less money than you think you do to launch your company/project/idea (and also probably why you're not ready for funding yet).
2/ I have seen a TON of variations on this pitch: "I have a killer idea, but I just need money to build it and market it."

This is usually for some kind of software product.
3/ The other variation I've seen a lot of is "I have a killer idea, but I need capital for the physical startup materials/tools/space."

Of these two pitches, the latter (the physical goods argument) is usually more persuasive to me.
Read 43 tweets
27 Sep
I think it’s interesting when people talk about access to capital as a barrier to doing something cool/useful/important

I spent about five months once working on a project to connect entrepreneurs with various funding sources and learned a bit about this
Capital is lying around EVERYWHERE if you have a good idea and drive to execute

That combo is surprisingly hard to find

Many ideas people have are poorly thought out or they don’t really want to execute on it badly enough for investment
But if you have an idea you’re really passionate about and can articulate how to bring it to market it’s really easy to get investment if you want it

The catch is that you probably don’t want it if you actually have this combo unless you NEED it due to competitive pressure
Read 8 tweets
26 Sep
You guys I have had such a weird day. Feeling moody and introspective. Business stuff in flux, it’s a little struggly.

Then I got drunk dialed by a former employee who told me he had a crush on me and I had to explain that while I thought he was really sweet I’m not into men.
Like... what even is my life right now. I’m sitting here in a desert trying to find myself and launch a company and make art and have no idea where I’m going.

I know the answers are only inside of me but I have no idea how to dig them out.
I don’t even know how to process all of this.

Sigh. 😑
Read 5 tweets

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