my friend, Americans watch movies in pindrop silence compared to Indians. Literally half the dialogue in any movie in any Indian movie theatre comes from the guy behind you. Also about 75% of the sound effects.
then of course there's that special breed that infests Indian movie halls- the photographic memory genius who is there to demonstrate to everyone else in the theatre that he's seen this movie 19 times already and can deliver the lines 1 second before the actor
Another peculiar species indigenous to desi movie halls is the all-too common pest, the Whistler. This creature has evolved to a point it has lost the ability to communicate in words, and all its interactions come via loud and obnoxious whistling at the screen nvm its the credits
A secret nobody except your old buddy here who's got your back will tell you: Bollywood discovers half its action movie talent from moviegoers confronting other loud moviegoers at matinees
Have i mentioned the family here for outing and who apparently tells the kid "fuck it, just throw shit at everyone, maybe someone from cricket board is here and will recognise your amazing fielding talent, don't hide your light share your gift(and popcorn) with the world, son"

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More from @nameshiv

17 Oct
So I will double dip on this prompt because now I want to pontificate about the single most useful word in the English language you should be using but aren't.

This word is prepone.
FTR the word means the opposite of postpone- to move something closer. Pretty handy, huh? Its also a word every desi reading this will be thinking "the hell is wrong with you, everyone knows this"

No. Mostly only we know this. We're almost the only ones using it.
Prepone also has a history that sometimes is as murky as the Joker's. The number of theories around where it came from are next level. Some say it was developed in the 1900s. Another holds that it was a word that existed alongside postpone and just fell out of use.

Read 9 tweets
9 Oct
Me: I like pie and English food includes pie mebbe its fine after al- OH MY GOD abort search abort abort
My youthful innocence is now forever lost
how is this even legal?
Read 4 tweets
8 Oct
Find you someone who'll cling to you through everything like that fly is clinging to Mike Pence's hair
look I'm not saying that he looks like a cadaver, just saying this fly seems to and its kinda an expert in the field
Update: The fly now has Covid
Read 6 tweets
8 Oct
cut the mic, start playing Looney Tunes music till his mouth stops moving.
Conversely just hold it on Zoom like normal people would. It even comes with this real sweet mute button.
Or do my own personal fav option and have the audience start throwing tomatoes. Produce handed out with each ticket. Offer cash prize to best marksman.
Read 4 tweets
4 Oct
Finally found the headspace to play this game and no sooner do I boot up the ol console than the entire rest of this novel, scenes and all just flashes before my eyes like some movie.

There goes the Sunday plan.
Well on the bright side, looks like the book will be done sooner than I feared. That's a win any day of the week
Also anytime you spend 10 min laughing because the scenes crack you up so, it tends to bode well for what your readers will think.
Read 4 tweets
3 Oct
OK POTUS' doctor is now over half an hour late with the scheduled update on his health.
why do all these doctors look so stressed?
this doctor basically just admitted Trump was on oxygen yesterday
Read 6 tweets

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