1/3 Here are more podcast prep notes. They asked me:

"What have you found to be the most deficient area of manhood since embarking on your ministry to men?"

A lack of male friendship.
They need flesh and blood relationships with other men. They need "brothers" and "fathers."
2/3 They need male pastors, mentors, friends, teacher, co-laborers, and confidants. You can’t mature into a godly capable man without fraternity. I've talked to a lot of men over the last few months & my big takeaway is men are in desperate need of the love & approval of men.
3/3 Yes, they need discipline, hard words, and to be told to repent. But they also need to be encouraged. It's brutal out there. A little encouragement goes a long way.

A few barriers: homoeroticizing of relationships (see Esolen) and the church treating men like women.

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More from @thisisfoster

15 Oct
1 “I don't want to be a soft man. How do I change?"

There are really just two steps to change: see the need & take action.

You’ve already taken the first step if you’re asking this question. Now you must take action...but where do you start?

Anywhere, really. Just start.
2 Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

However, you must be careful not to overexert yourself if your self-discipline is weak. No one jumps from a 150 lb to a 300 lb benchpress overnight. It takes time to develop that strength.
3 A little self-discipline will turn into a lot over time.

J.C. Ryle says: “So it is with habits: the older the stronger — the longer they have held possession, the harder they will be to cast out. They grow with our growth, and strengthen with our strength.”

So take action.
Read 12 tweets
14 Oct
1) For years, I’d expect my family to leave me alone for a period of “decompression” when I got home from work.

I’ve always worked in highly relational/conversation based positions. I’d often arrived home in an overstimulated state and disappear to my office.
2) My wife would want me to deal with a discipline issue with a kid or be interested in what happened in my day. My kids would want to tell me about their day or have a thousand requests requiring permission from dad.

But I just wanted space.
I was fried.
"Give me a min, guys."
3) I slowly came to see that this was a missed opportunity. It was a failure of leadership. The way I re-entered my home after a long day of work played an important role in the forming of my home's culture.

A man doesn’t just provide resources.
He provides leadership.
Read 8 tweets
12 Oct
Masculinity is both caught and taught to the younger generation of men by the older.

It’s very difficult to learn what should’ve been caught via some 10 step curriculum.

And yet those who missed out on that education are always asking for steps & sub-steps on everything.

Because they want to do a good job & not make mistakes.

Hence, they’re looking for a detailed map with the ideal course charted on it.

But that’s not how it works. Not even with the well-fathered.
The well-fathered are gifted with a compass pointed North, an ability to course correct on the fly, and the knowledge there are lots of paths to a destination.

So they are oriented towards taking action and freed from the paralysis of analysis.

They don’t need a detailed map.
Read 5 tweets
11 Oct
We need missionaries to Evangelicalism.

Note the ism.
Theologically speaking, I remain evangelical.

But some years ago I saw that Evangelicalism, as a movement, had become irreparably corrupted by niceness, celebrity, & a reductive approach to doctrine.

I was called out by...
...reading older writings and documents by church father.

Athanasius, Cyprian, Augustine, Calvin, Luther, Knox, Rutherford, Watson, Gouge, and Ryle “red pilled” me.

They opened my eyes to the how far Evangelicalism had drifted from historical biblical Christianity.
I’m grateful that the first book I read as a Christian was Augustine’s Confessions & that I was introduced to the Alexandrian fathers the following year.

I was still a teenager.
This was pre-internet.
To learn about Christianity I had to go to “C” in the card catalog.

Read 4 tweets
10 Oct
2 common mistakes men make regarding feminine beauty:

Undervaluing it- Beauty is a remnant of the original design of creation. It is natural to be enthralled by it (Pr 5:9).

Overvaluing it- Beauty will fade and in the end you'll be left with whatever virtues it clothed (Pr 31).
This is why Bridges concludes:

"Let virtue, not beauty, be the primary object. Set against the vanity of beauty the true happiness, connected with a woman that fears the Lord. Here is the solid basis of happiness... cont”
Cont... “If'--says Bp. Beveridge--'I choose her for her beauty, I shall love her no longer than while that continues; and then farewell at once both duty and delight. But if I love her for her virtues; then, though sandy foundations fail, yet will my happiness remain entire.'"
Read 5 tweets
6 Oct
I got the following text this morning. Here was my reply:

1. Tell them that you love them, aren’t ashamed of them, and that this is something that you have had to overcome. Tell them they can do the same.
2. Tell them that porn is bad for them spiritually, physically, and relationally. And then explain how.

3. Tell them that you are going to set up “speed bumps” to help them when they’re tempt but it comes down to their desire to live with integrity. Those speed bumps are:
a. Filters (on devices & IP)
b. Screens only in shared spaces
c. Weekly check ups: Have you looked at porn of any form this week?

4. Ask them to identify the a) the times that are most tempted and b) the things that seem to trigger the desire to look at porn.
Read 5 tweets

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