byuu Profile picture
17 Oct, 6 tweets, 2 min read
Seems the thread about RSD resonated beyond my circle. It took me by surprise when I found out about it too, a lot of puzzle pieces fell into place. Here's the original article, for what it's worth:…
RSD isn't in the DSM yet, but it's just as valid still.
If it sounds like you too, the good news is, it's treatable. But there's a valid question to be asked when it comes to changing yourself: is it worth it? I may have been too sensitive, but I wasn't displeased with caring more about my friends than about myself. And yet here I am.
There's always a balance to life. You may tip the scales in the wrong direction and go from being too selfless to being too selfish. I don't know. If I could've released Bahamut Lagoon anonymously without it being obvious it was me, I would have. But that was always impossible.
Do I like the new me? I don't know, I feel like I lost a part of me that made me who I was. But it wasn't by choice: it was taken from me. All I do know is that I can fall asleep at night again, and I'm doing something that I am genuinely excited for.
It's been a very long time since I found myself disappointed when a day ended because I'd have to stop, and feeling like I couldn't wait to wake up the next day and get started again. I once felt that way about bsnes. How I've missed this feeling; but what did I lose for it?
At least it didn't stop my endless self-reflection ^-^;;
It just took away this ... pain ... from doing so. When I felt that guilt, it felt like when you're descending a roller coaster and you have that sinking feeling in your stomach. It was so weird that RSD could cause that.

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More from @byuu_san

18 Oct
Speaking of things I never thought I'd do, it seems like I just accidentally created furry drama. A new low. Whatever, I can't escape my past by becoming a better person, why should anyone else get that luxury? I'm done being nice. Let the pieces fall where they will.
Yeah, I know who went after me. You're not as anonymous or clever as you think you all are. I believe he's a better person now. I've forgiven him and I honestly didn't intend for it to get out. Just keep in mind that if you bother him for it, you're no better than he was then.
He was someone that was hurt the same way too, and that's where he let it take him. Hate just begets more hate. The pain only stops when you break the cycle. Most trolls probably won't figure that out until their 30s. Some of them never will.
Read 7 tweets
16 Oct
We talk a lot about ADHD, but we mostly speak of its effects on attention and the rare gift of hyperfocus. What we leave out is the emotional dysregulation it causes. Having been criticized by everyone my entire life, I internalized blaming myself, even for what other people did.
As a coping mechanism, I've always tried desperately to fit in and act like the people around me, worried that I'd lose friends or make enemies if I didn't. It became so natural to me that I barely even know who I am anymore. And yet, it never worked anyway.
I would try so hard to do what other people wanted, that I set aside the things *I* wanted to do, hoping in vain it would stop the pain: but it never did. The latest example was trying to emulate the N64. I have no interest in that system, I never did.
Read 15 tweets
16 Oct
Oh, the protagonist naming is just me being silly to test something: to support "Thunderhawk", "Salamander", "Ice Dragon" and "Fahrenheit" I needed to fit 11 letters into 8 bytes in SRAM. I could have just expanded SRAM and moved the names elsewhere but where's the fun in that?
Instead I'm using base56 encoding. Only the SNES isn't capable of 64-bit division and modulo by 56. So to implement that I divide by 8 and then, as always, use lookup tables to divide by 7 after that. Credit to blargg for helping me optimize those tables ... 12 years ago ^-^;
The double buffering to prevent tile flickering was more fun. You need a *lot* of VRAM space to create *two* full screens full of 8x8 text and numbers. I rearranged the VRAM of the menu system to free up additional space for that one. But the battle fields were much harder.
Read 6 tweets

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