byuu Profile picture
18 Oct, 7 tweets, 2 min read
Speaking of things I never thought I'd do, it seems like I just accidentally created furry drama. A new low. Whatever, I can't escape my past by becoming a better person, why should anyone else get that luxury? I'm done being nice. Let the pieces fall where they will.
Yeah, I know who went after me. You're not as anonymous or clever as you think you all are. I believe he's a better person now. I've forgiven him and I honestly didn't intend for it to get out. Just keep in mind that if you bother him for it, you're no better than he was then.
He was someone that was hurt the same way too, and that's where he let it take him. Hate just begets more hate. The pain only stops when you break the cycle. Most trolls probably won't figure that out until their 30s. Some of them never will.
I get it: you were bullied in school, too. You see successful people online doing the quirky things that got you bullied and it makes you *angry* that they get away with it when you didn't. Don't let yourself become what you hated, you'll only end up hating yourself for it.
You can't truly love others until you learn to love yourself first. Anyway, the others had a right to know as well, so I'm also sorry I kept it a secret. It was a shitty position to be in and I truly wish I didn't stare into that abyss so long.
Also, for whatever it's worth, don't feel so left out: I didn't avoid the bullying in school either, or at home, or even into my "success" online. It's been a constant all my life. I'm not getting away with anything you didn't.
Sorry, one more thing since there seems to be some confusion. I am not talking about M.L. or S.P. here. We made peace quite a while ago. They had nothing to do with this. I've made peace with the person I'm talking about as well. Let it go, it's done, it can't be undone.

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More from @byuu_san

17 Oct
Seems the thread about RSD resonated beyond my circle. It took me by surprise when I found out about it too, a lot of puzzle pieces fell into place. Here's the original article, for what it's worth: chadd.org/wp-content/upl…
RSD isn't in the DSM yet, but it's just as valid still.
If it sounds like you too, the good news is, it's treatable. But there's a valid question to be asked when it comes to changing yourself: is it worth it? I may have been too sensitive, but I wasn't displeased with caring more about my friends than about myself. And yet here I am.
There's always a balance to life. You may tip the scales in the wrong direction and go from being too selfless to being too selfish. I don't know. If I could've released Bahamut Lagoon anonymously without it being obvious it was me, I would have. But that was always impossible.
Read 6 tweets
16 Oct
We talk a lot about ADHD, but we mostly speak of its effects on attention and the rare gift of hyperfocus. What we leave out is the emotional dysregulation it causes. Having been criticized by everyone my entire life, I internalized blaming myself, even for what other people did.
As a coping mechanism, I've always tried desperately to fit in and act like the people around me, worried that I'd lose friends or make enemies if I didn't. It became so natural to me that I barely even know who I am anymore. And yet, it never worked anyway.
I would try so hard to do what other people wanted, that I set aside the things *I* wanted to do, hoping in vain it would stop the pain: but it never did. The latest example was trying to emulate the N64. I have no interest in that system, I never did.
Read 15 tweets
16 Oct
Oh, the protagonist naming is just me being silly to test something: to support "Thunderhawk", "Salamander", "Ice Dragon" and "Fahrenheit" I needed to fit 11 letters into 8 bytes in SRAM. I could have just expanded SRAM and moved the names elsewhere but where's the fun in that?
Instead I'm using base56 encoding. Only the SNES isn't capable of 64-bit division and modulo by 56. So to implement that I divide by 8 and then, as always, use lookup tables to divide by 7 after that. Credit to blargg for helping me optimize those tables ... 12 years ago ^-^;
The double buffering to prevent tile flickering was more fun. You need a *lot* of VRAM space to create *two* full screens full of 8x8 text and numbers. I rearranged the VRAM of the menu system to free up additional space for that one. But the battle fields were much harder.
Read 6 tweets

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