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18 Oct, 13 tweets, 3 min read
The gorgeous boardroom at Tanishq was evidently awaiting the members, for there was a steaming kettle and elegant rows of Tetley teabags, including green and decaf which were favorites; a pot of hot Eight O'Clock coffee; and plastic bottles of Himalayan.

The meeting commenced.*
“Good morning everyone! I have a hard-stop in 15 minutes, so let’s start. The festive season is a low-hanging fruit. We need a paradigm shift in our jewelry line.”

“Absolutely, and we should actionize the idea with an advertising campaign pronto!”
“What should we name it?”

“A fusion, like our line for wedding, Rivaah — Rivaaz and Vivaah?”

“Nah! We have to think outside the box. We have done that already — there’s Tanishq, no? Tan plus ishq!”

“Er…that’s tan plus nishk, and nishk, as you know, means a golden ornament.”
“I know, but why do you think we used the cultural framework of changing k to q?”

“I thought it was just a blue-sky design thinking to balance the symmetry of the…oh! Now I get it! Very sophisticated!”
“Consider this — we want hospitals, they're bigots; we want schools, they're misogynists; we want secularism, they're Sanghis; we want freedom of speech, they're trolls! Our blue ocean leverage should be unity!”

“I think it’s a win-win. What do we name it? How about…Unitishq?”
“Nah, sounds like a unit of Ishq...the only reason I love that movie is Aamir.”

“Itehad!”

“It rhymes with Love…wait, I have a disruptive idea. Hey Siri! What’s Sanskrit for Unity?”

~I am not sure what you mean by ‘What’s Sanskrit for Unity?’ Should I touch base with Klingon?~
“Never mind, Siri."

"Sanskrit?"

"Here's the best...Ekatvam."

“If unity is the leverage then we must use English, or better, Urdu.”

“Ah! You see, by moving the goalpost to Sanskrit we are emphasizing that the onus of unity falls upon the Sang…I mean, the majority.”

“Genius!”
So, after the name has been finalized the ad agency is given an elevator pitch for the ad campaign, with related words such as unity and emotion, and unrelated words such as Ganga and Jamuni.

In the subsequent meeting the final ad is shown and the members debate on the approval.
“Elegant! I love the warm, off-white, minimalist, Kerala tones.”

“At a 40000-feet level, don’t you think we are veering into religion?”

“It was on my radar too, but it’s a great ad. What's there to outrage about?”

“Why not something less interfaith? It doesn’t seem scalable.”
“We have values at Tanishq — they are paramount and more important than festive seasons and sentiments.”

“All I am saying is that the ad may backfire. Let’s not boil the ocean. The festivals are around, and there are some news reports I have read…it could be just bad timing.”
“What news reports? I haven't read any. Let’s not throw the baby out with bath water.”

“That’s because you watch only NDTV and India Today.”

“Who else is neutral, my friend? Do you watch anything else? Come, confess!”

“I still think it’s a bad idea. We may lose the mindshare.”
“Are you questioning our corporate values and our philosophy?”

“Look, I am all aligned with our core competencies. You know what? Let’s get the ball rolling, and streamline the synergy of the messaging that connects the dots with Ekatvam.”

“Release the Kraken...er, the ad!” //
*The thread is based on my blog, The Mithyātva of Ekatvam, which was based on my podcast of the same name. It's a fusion of corporate jargon and corporate social activism.

It's funny how nowadays I go from Twitter to podcast to blog to Twitter. Let's circle back on that one. ||

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More from @kansaratva

22 Sep
Taliberal: Anyone who believes that terrorism has no religion.

Found all over the world, especially after a terrorist attack by vans, trucks, planes, knives, stones, or other such self-aware, self-driven contraptions. A broad group that includes other types as described below.
Ghaliberal: Anyone who believes that civilization reached its pinnacle when the purity of Urdu descended on this Earth.

Found in South Asia discussing nuances as if they were layers of wilted onion, and scorning at those who can't understand/appreciate the dewdrops of decadence.
Laliberal: Anyone who believes in leftist ideology.

Found all over the world, especially spending decades in universities demanding freedom in a free country, and when elected to power, exterminating the opposition by convincing them cogently that they cannot just go on living.
Read 15 tweets
19 Sep
Finally, reached halfway through the NEP draft to the most interesting part. 😂 Image
Something tells me that I am not going to be disappointed. Image
Sure to backfire. If this is about how the traditional concept of kalās should be revived, just give it a different name to differentiate it from the current nonsense of "liberal arts".

Trying to subsume this under "liberal arts" is an injustice to our history and to the future. Image
Read 10 tweets
16 Sep
The farther in time we go, the less possible it is for them to insert other inspirations, such as Greek yogurt or Egyptian cotton.

Already, they are fuming at the difficulty of proving Christmas carols in Rajendra Chozhan's court or Sufi performance in Chandragupta Maurya's.
If someone tells them that the Greek civilization is even older than we think, as new archeological evidence backed by peer-reviewed investigations suggests that Aristotle's ancestor, Chipotle, lived 25000 years ago, they will lap it up as if it was free champagne.

Indian? Meh!
Egyptians not only built pyramids, but icosidodecahedrons that we cannot see because they are embedded in a Calabi-Yau space. No problems.

Egyptian cotton was so valuable that its threads were used to create p-branes. Of course, there's mathematical proof of that.

Indians? Meh!
Read 6 tweets
4 Sep
Today I learned how to shift goalposts in a game of tennis played in a cricket stadium. While defending a Muslim ex-atheist - or an ex-Muslim atheist? - I fought with Hindu trolls. I know they could do nothing to me, let alone to the ex-Muslim guy.

Hindus are the worst arguers.
Today I trolled a few more Hindu idiots with less than 50 followers and who could not pick up a trishul to fight for Hinduism. They hide their cowardice with specious arguments. The martial Hindu just does not exist, in history, or now.

Hindus are the biggest hurdle to Hinduism.
Today when I read the sad news in The Print I was appalled at how violence is ingrained in Hindutva groups. Does Bajrang Dal or VHP represent the millions of peaceful Hindus who hold on to their beliefs despite militant Hindutva?

If only Hindus can introspect on their violence.
Read 15 tweets
29 Aug
The old bookshop, old for both books and the shop, was closed for months. Inside, a slit of sunlight illuminated the line of books, moving slowly from one to another, as if searching which one had the strongest spine.

"I need a sunscreen," said a sleek book with a glossy cover.
The other books ignored her.

The old bookshop was one of the few places where books of all sizes, publishers, and themes mingled. A riveting bestseller abutting a technical tome on one side and some obscure treatise on the other.

"A spider! A SPIDER!!" screamed the glossy one.
A library segregated them by subject. A "new" bookshop decided which ones will be displayed prominently, which ones will be buried behind others, and which ones will be thrown out.

An old bookshop, on the other hand, was a waterhole where all beasts came to quench their thirst.
Read 14 tweets
16 Aug
The olive tree, out of a habit of endless grumbling, said, "I can't even sway the way I like."

"You are doing it now," retorted the expansive banyan.

"You're a bigot," said the olive tree.

"The wind," said the banyan, "carries even the rustle of your leaves to faraway lands." Image
"You are blocking the wind deliberately by your unwieldy spread," accused the olive tree, even as a breeze gently swayed the shiny olives.

"The trouble with you," said the banyan, "is that you consider this soil as filth, and your roots grow shallow as if they were disgusted."
"You make too much of roots," said the olive tree, "because you have a habit of sprouting roots from anywhere."

The banyan swayed silently.

"Look at me," went on the olive tree. "I have grown on this soil and my leaves are lush."

"So are the weeds over there," said the banyan.
Read 11 tweets

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