Here's my story: Finally gave up on being a dude in 2017, figured it meant I was a girl, got to a point where everyone just saw me as another girl in 2019, realized that that made me feel very uncomfortable too & that just not doing the whole gender thing was much better for me.
I love the ways my body and mind changed on E dominant HRT. I love navigating the world as someone who, if there are only two options, gets sorted with the women. I love the bonds that connect me with my trans and cis sisters.

But I also love just not being anything particular.
There is nothing more satisfying than to see people be confused by my gender. Nothing feels better than when people can't tell my gender assigned at birth one way or another.

I love looking at gender and just saying "no ¯\_(ツ)_/¯".
I would probably use gender agnostic to describe my stance on my own gender. There might be something there but I don't think trying to explain or define it is helpful if at all possible & I have no interest in trying. Anyone else who tries to define mine can fuck right off.

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More from @im_just_laur

1 Oct
pre-HRT libido: Hey! Hey you! I have something I need you to take care of RIGHT NOW! You won't feel better afterwards but you just gotta do it!

Libido now: So I would like to offer you the opportunity to enjoy yourself & relax afterwards. No pressure, just if you would like to!
My libido has changed in all kinds of unexpected ways over the past two years and since it comes up quite often when talking to people who aren't (yet) on HRT or are early on, I wanted to expand on my experiences a little bit.

This is about E based HRT, please tell me about T!!!
Much of my experience before I started HRT was that of having an urge that just needed to be satisfied. It just popped up out of nowhere or got triggered by a thought or visual & was demanding my attention. It was less about enjoying myself & more about "taking care of it".
Read 14 tweets
30 Sep
My relationship with my old name(s) & pronoun(s) is kinda complicated. Things have changed a lot since I came out.

Generally using my current name & pronoun for my past self is always a good rule of thumb but it can be confusing because I change it up myself dep. on context.
I am still not out as non-binary to a lot of people back home so I often go by Laura & she/her pronouns & don't really plan on changing that anytime soon. I do, however consider both of those wrong at this point & if people know better, it is misgendering to me.
Early on, I used my old name & pronouns for myself to make the distinction between who I was becoming & who I used to be clearer. It helped me distance myself from who I was before. I was still bitter about all the things I wish "he" had done differently. I disliked my old self.
Read 10 tweets
22 Sep
Hi! I see you asked strangers on the internet to pick one of four options. Non of your answers apply to me but I have thoughts anyways, please read my 4 tweet answer to a question you haven't asked!
Hi! I see you posted a joke. I am not aware of the context but I have thoughts about how you phrased it. I know it's not about me but I would like a chance to change that so please read my 4 tweet take on a topic tangentially related to yours.
Hi! I see you are talking about how certain terms and labels work for you. I don't use those myself but I have thoughts on why the way you identify is wrong and what you should say instead, please read my 4 tweet analysis on words that have nothing to do with me.
Read 8 tweets
21 Sep
2 years on HRT 🥰

💛🤍💜🖤

(Sept. 2020 - Sept. 2019 - Sept. 2018 - Sept 2017) ImageImageImageImage
What I love most about this timeline, is just how non-linear it is. As I wrote about a few days ago, progress doesn't just exist on a linear, binary gender line.

The changes from the first 1.5 years are what gave me the confidence to be able to present the way I do now.
While my goal in the 3rd picture was to just get as far away from the 4th picture as possible, once I got there in the 2nd picture, I started to realize that that really wasn't me and that I had gone far too femme for my own comfort. I am so much happier now, than I was then.
Read 4 tweets
20 Sep
CN selfharm, blood

Over the past years, I've learned to resist the urge to self harm more & more effectively. It has always been sth I struggled with but it had been years since it was really bad. Last night I drew blood for the first time in I don't remember how many years.
I'm doing better today, I don't feel that need right now & I hope I will be able to go back to limiting my tendencies better, but sometimes emotional pain, shame, guilt and self-hate become so overwhelming, that it feels like it is my only option. The only thing I can do to deal.
Why am I posting about this? Because I felt deeply ashamed of myself after I calmed down. Because even though I believe there is nothing shameful about this, that's my learned, internalized reaction. And I want to counteract that. I don't want to be ashamed. I'm doing my best.
Read 4 tweets
19 Sep
Think you're trans but aren't sure?

That's ok. You don't need to figure out your specific identity & transition plan before starting. You'll change those as you go along anyways. Just figure out what direction feels best & take one step. Then again. And again. Till you're happy.
I talk to a lot of people who are worried about starting transition because while they know they are not cis, they are not 100% sure who they are. What they want.

Don't let that stop you. You get to reorient yourself along the way. You'll keep discovering things about yourself.
All you need for now, is to find something, some step, that feels right. You can decide on the next one once you get there & have had time to adjust. Keep doing this until you get to a place where you don't really want to leave. You can figure out what to call that identity then.
Read 6 tweets

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