So there I was. Sitting at the table with the father & brother of the girl I would be seeing in a matter of minutes. I hadn't eaten supper. I couldn't eat supper. I couldn't eat anything. Samoosa runs have, & prob always will make me so nervous that I completely lose my appetite
On the table was tea & biscuits & cake. Thank God that wasn't any samoosas coz I was so nervous that my mouth became so dry that I literally couldn't eat anything. On previous runs, I attempted to eat cake with a dry mouth and.... It didn't go well. It was like chewing on sand
(🙂we don't judge people for chewing sand here 🙌🏼)
I really needed something to drink. I was poured a cup of tea by the girls brother and I couldn't help but be overly thankful for his amazing tea pouring ability. "Thank you, that's enough, perfect Jazak'Allah, thank you" I said as the tea reached around the 3/4 mark
I wanted more but I remember my mother telling me not to overfill my plate or cup.
Speaking of whom, my mum and the ladies of the house seemed to catch on like a house on fire, and we could hear the ladies - seperated from the men - by just a wall
The main dining room, kitchen, secondary lounge, and secondary dining room were all in this giant open plan space, all seperated by these floating walls for the purpose of pardah I suppose
And it worked perfectly, because I couldn't see any of the ladies. But what I could see was this house was magnificently built. I haven't been to too many old houses like this, but, now that I'm in it.... I want to be a part of it. And a part of the family too

(wowowow)
The father, who's obviously wealthy, didn't act or behave in a way where he wanted me to know he was wealthier than I am. Basically, he was humble and kind and friendly and I loved that. May Allah ta'ala give him even more and grant him happiness

(Ameen)
Because I've met some people that are wealthy... But they also want you to know that they're wealthy, and very probably wealthier than you and they just have that... attitude, and that air about them
I did know that the family was somewhat well off, however, I only really thought about it earlier that day when my brother mentioned it to me. My brother's mother-in-law had orchestrated the run and so he was explaining to me what little he knew about the family...
And so it wasn't until then that I really thought about it. I didn't really think of their wealth as a 'negative'... but as I started to overthink it as I normally do, it was definitely something that I allowed myself and my anxieties to become intimidated by
Maybe I was just nervous. Maybe I was looking forward to this run for too long.... Maybe I had my hopes too high up, especially because of the last run I've been on and the hoops the last girl wanted me to jump
I forgot where I was as I'm staring at this cake and I'm thinking to myself that I don't want to cut this cake... It's too nice to be cut. If they wanted me to eat from it, they would have cut a slice for me. Thank God they didn't tho because my mouth was still very dry
The tea was barely working at all. I wanted a second cup but, but I don't want them to think I'm a hongra.

I was so glad that my brother was there to talk to her dad because I couldn't think of anything to say
On the drive here I was thinking of things I could say to the dad...
The weather? That although I'm feeling cold I chose not to wear my hoodie over my kurtha because I'm afraid of what he'll think or of any negative impression my hoodie or rain jacket can give off...
...It was raining for the entire week in durban so it's not like I'd look crazy. But I still overthunk it.
Maybe I can mention the fact that my mouth was dry for the past hour, so he knows how nervous I am
Thankfully, I never got the chance to say any of those things because word came through from the ladies side that the girl was ready to see me now...
Was this it?
I walk into this room and the girl was there to meet me.
The first thing I noticed was that she had such a kind and sweet smile. Like she just seemed so nice. And she was physically much smaller than me - not in a bad way but at many times my overthinking half...
... of my brain started working on overdrive and fuelling these thoughts that were saying: you're way too big for her she'd never say yes
And the second thing was that... you know how when you see someone for the first time, and you just kind of know...?
Like you have this gut instinctive reaction to themselves or their aura... And you just know if you like them? Yeah well it didn't happen for me. And I was so upset coz I know what it feels like.. When it hits you, it hits you & you know it hit you. & it just didn't happen for me
I remembered watching some YouTube videos or reading one of those Islamic posts about the aalame arwah - the realm of souls. That long before our souls were put into out bodies, all of our souls were together and so...
... the explanation of how we just 'click' with some people here on earth is that: our souls were near each other in the aaleme arwah... And if our souls were far away, then perhaps we may not get on as well with someone in this world as much as one would hope.
So I thought of mentioning this to her coz I felt like for the first time that I didn't know what to talk about... But all of this was abit much, even for a samoosa run. I mean, I've been on samoosa runs before and I've had weird and wonderful off the cuff conversations about...
... anything and everything and I feel like I have a little knowledge on a lot of stuff and so I can contribute to a meaningful conversation... But it all comes down to the person and how 'eager' or 'friendly' they are... And it just didn't seem like this was the one
(lowkey highkey sad tbh)
Anyway, we talked for about idk 15 minutes or so. Nothing too crazy. Just a light conversation about whatever you talk about on a sr and we finally got up and made Salaam and went back to where we were sitting
And before we knew it, we were all in the car & on our way. And I just remember feeling so upset and sad because I knew deep down that I didn't feel 'it'. I've felt it before on sr's and it's such a magical feeling
And, on paper, I thought everything about her suited me & my lifestyle & my family. Her family had a similar dynamic to mine & I think we had similar outlooks when it came to religion and family and... life I suppose. But I don't know if that was enough to keep either of us happy
So if I did propose knowing full well that I didn't feel it, would I be making her life better or worse....? What if she didn't like me too? Maybe that's why she wasn't exactly overly enthusiastic. What if she did like me and I'll never know?
I don't think mum's are allowed to ask: "does your daughter like my son"? And then send a proposal...?
If we sent a blind proposal, and they accepted... Would we really fall in love? Or just love each other because we have to?

(homeboy went in way too deep😪)
Clearly, I'm going crazy overthinking this. But this is where it gets complicated...
My brother's mil [let's start calling her aunty x] made the arrangements. My brother's in-laws are from another city, so it's not like we see them alot
It's probably been a few years since I personally saw anyone from their family, besides my brother's wife. Now aunty x has another daughter. Yes. Yes I know. My brother's wife's sister. She came with for the samoosa run as well because she knows of the sr girl as well

(whaaaaa)
If I spoke to sr girl for 20 mins; then I literally spoke to aunty X's daughter for less than a minute. Literally only Salaam when I first saw them all. And maybe just one or two other words. But we both have Islamic upbrigingings so not only would we not talk...
... but we wouldn't even give each other the chance to talk. So I know very little about her besides what I've heard her family say.
But despite all of that... I just felt more drawn to her than I did for the sr girl
And that's my plot twist. I don't know if I'm just confused & I should carry on with my life. Or if I should find a way to approach aunty X's daughter... Coz like, it will make things awk between our families right? What if it doesn't work & then there's friction between the fam?
Like I would much rather drop the whole thing, than even attempt a way forward if it meant that there could be friction between our families
And that's the thing... I know deep down that I didn't compare one girl to the other. It's an almost subconscious feeling that I liked one person... And I just didn't like the other
(that's a big oyyo for me)
And I also know that Taqdeer is Taqdeer and I don't know what's going to happen nor can I control what's going to happen but, what if it does or even could work out with the 2nd girl...
And the first girl found out that I proposed to aunty X's daughter... And that I liked the 2nd girl when I was supposed to be on a sr with her... I'd feel so terrible if I made her feel sad. So idk, I guess I'm just writing this as a form of therapy
I can't exactly talk to anyone about it so I might as well just say it here.
If anyone has any advice for me, I'd really really appreciate it?
So anyway, yes. That's my long story. There's no wedding lol sorry just another complicated Muslim samoosa run story
(well that was anticlimactic)
This made me anxious just thinking about it, but also calming just thinking about Allah's plan subhan'Allah

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More from @TheSamosaRunner

27 Sep
Anonymous story #108

(This is the last story I'll be posting for a while, and I think it's the longest we've done so far and it was abit difficult to read so I had to edit it abit but anyway let's go!)
Assalamualaikum
So seeing everyone's tweets and stories, I feel I'm kinda ready to send mine 😂
So I'm a girl hehehe & desi on top of that. Culturlly by 17 I was supposed to start getting married. When i was 19 it was the talk of who is gonna be the boy and who is a good boy
Oh god my head was thumping. At 20 I made up my mind I am not getting married until I complete my madrassah and I was happy & independent at home.
And I always wanted a foreigner! And everyone said I'm crazy!
Read 32 tweets

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