I really can’t stress how badly I need the full story, in detail, about the Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference.
The simplest explanation is that they meant to book the Four Seasons hotel, but it still doesn’t make sense because HOW did they accidentally book a landscaping company without any kind of press conference amenities?
How do you even book a landscaping company for a press conference??? At what point should someone have said “Hey, you know we’re not the hotel, right?”

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More from @jules_su

6 Nov
So like, what are we going to do on this website now?
I have some good recipes for al pastor tacos, if anyone wants.
Or uhh, here’s a pic of my dog:
Read 5 tweets
22 Jul
Last year my Jewish grandmother spent hours begging me not to move to Berlin because she still associates it with Nazism, and then this week she called to tell me she’s glad that unidentified government agents are kidnapping protestors because the protestors are subhuman scum.
Not great, folks!
We also had a pretty amazing conversation about taking down Confederate statues, where somehow walked herself into a scenario where she said she would not agree with tearing down statues of Osama bin Laden and Hitler if they were erected in her neighborhood.
Read 13 tweets
14 Mar
95% of the people I've talked to in the last few days who are over 65 absolutely refuse to make any changes to their lifestyle.

As best I can tell, they're under the impression that the best response to a global pandemic is a positive mental attitude and grit.
The DAY that my parent's friends got back from flying to three different cities after being denied clearance to fly to Europe because of the virus, they invited all of their friends over for wine and steaks.
My grandmother's response when I called her yesterday to ask if she was staying indoors was,

"Of course not! I'm not going to panic just because the media tells me to. You don't know what's going on, I don't know what's going on, so why disrupt everything on the off chance?"
Read 4 tweets
20 Sep 19
The house is on fire and Nancy Pelosi is standing in front of the fire truck because they don’t have a permit to block the street.
AOC is running towards the fire with buckets of water trying to rally people to do the same, and Pelosi is telling her to cut it out because she’s wasting too much water.
Chuck Schumer is lending the arsonist money to buy more matches, under the condition he buy fewer matches this time.
Read 8 tweets
13 Sep 19
When the dentist accidentally scrapes your gums while cleaning your teeth:
When you close the front door on your way out but it just misses the latch and bounces back open so you have to turn around and close it all the way:
When a single subway car is totally empty during rush hour because someone threw up in it:
Read 19 tweets
5 Sep 19
@realDonaldTrump What's amazing is that if you go to the NOAA page and look up their model from Advisory #21, it doesn't show anything close to this graphic:
@realDonaldTrump I see, if you select "34 knot winds" which are projected as strong enough to "break twigs off a tree" on the Beaufort scale, the NOAA briefly included Alabama last week.
Read 5 tweets

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