Thread by @howardtayler

"We're only getting together for Thanksgiving" is 2020's answer to "we'll cover more ground if we split up" or "I'll go reset the breakers in the basement by myself."

"It's just for Thanksgiving, we'll be fine" is the 'wholesome family dinner' version of teenagers having sex in a car at the beginning of the horror movie.

Remember this, back in March?

Get ready for a bunch of heartbreaking sequels in early December.

If you're that one person who screams at the TV saying "nobody would be that stupid" during a horror movie, consider Thanksgiving 2020 and ask yourself where the bar for "that stupid" really is.

Thanksgiving 2020 tips:
1) Don't deep-fry a frozen turkey
2) Because it will explode and start a fire
3) And you don't need a whole Turkey
4) Make sure everybody's webcams, phones, and devices are up-to-speed by running a few test meetings before the big day.

Seriously, start planning NOW for a virtual Thanksgiving.

Maybe everyone will just be ugly-crying on camera about how they wish they could be together, but ugly-crying on camera is a million times better than ugly-crying at a funeral.

Big advantage for virtual Thanksgiving: the moderator can mute your racist uncle long before the man drinks himself into a mute stupor.

I'm going to go out on a limb and hypothesize that if you're still following me on Twitter, you are:
1) not the racist uncle
2) more likely to mute the racist uncle than several other family members might be
3) therefore a good candidate for offering to host family Zoomsgiving

(Or Skypesgiving, or Thanksdiscord, or whatever)

NARRATOR: "Twelve hours, and twenty-three hundred retweets later..."

ME: "I guess this is the part where I say I don't have a SoundCloud?"

Here's your epilogue:

It ain't about me. I want YOU to have a gratitude-filled holiday where the only grieving is for the in-person hugs you've postponed.

But... I carelessly joked about Twitter making me the patron saint of Zoomsgiving, and my friend @lartist did THIS: