feels like a good year for me to publish my long-gestating rant on how every ranked list of “Friends” Thanksgiving episodes is wrong because Fat Monica and Trans/Intersex-Phobic Brad Pitt are not as funny as you remember
The two you are sleeping on, which are always ranked at the bottom but legitimately still slap, are A) the one where Chandler is scared of the dog and they all fail the “name every state” game, and B) the one with Christina Applegate being a hilarious bitch
Rachel’s beef trifle remains an unproblematic fave, if you don’t think too hard about how no magazine layout could make such a mixup possible
for anyone who has already jumped ahead in the calendar to December, this is my most significant piece of cultural analysis

medium.com/@miss.willett/…

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More from @clairewillett

23 Nov
I've been emailing my sister a list of "New Things We Can Do To Make Our Probably Two-Person Christmas Not Suck" and I'm here to suggest that this is the time for that overpriced luxury tea/chocolate/bath products Advent calendar you consider and then reject every year
I'm also trying to get a virtual all-cousins gingerbread house contest going (a way to loop in even the long-distance ones we wouldn't see at Christmas!) where we all buy the same kit at Target, fancy them up, take photos, and make our parents/aunts & uncles judge them blind
Also, rather than either of us getting a giant real tree and hauling up nine thousand boxes of ornaments from the basement, she's getting a small tabletop-sized living tree and we're going to decorate it only with things we make ourselves, kindergarten crafts-style
Read 6 tweets
23 Nov
I have had a very stressful weekend so I bought every chocolate mint product at Trader Joe's and my ass is going to watch a Christmas movie tonight

GO GO GADGET HOLIDAY ANXIETY COPING MECHANISMS
The words “Executive Producer Dolly Parton” “based on the stage play by Dolly Parton” have already soothed my soul
the gay energy of the first 4 minutes of CHRISTMAS ON THE SQUARE is absolutely unparalleled

1. Plaintive Dolly ballad

2. High-kicking flamboyant all male dance ensemble prances in and bursts into jazzy song

3. Christine Baranski rolls up to be an ice cold villainess bitch
Read 12 tweets
23 Nov
something I'm thinking about a lot in the year of our quarantine 2020 is how for 2 decades of my life I got to see my extended family on Christmas for like MAYBE 45 minutes because my dad and I were always singing at between one and three masses in a 24-hour period
I'm just very hyper-aware this year, in lots of new ways, of all the times I took for granted having a huge extended family who all lived nearby and saw each other regularly, something I will never do again
Our big family gathering was always Christmas Eve dinner and Dad and I would frequently have to like, breeze in, eat fast, do a round of hugs, and then zip back to church for sound check for the 8 pm mass, and then have like an hour of downtime before midnight Mass
Read 7 tweets
22 Nov
The Year of Solo Thanksgiving & Christmas really feels like a prime excuse to spend a shitload of money on cozy winter indulgences like flannel sheets and like an INTENSE comfy robe

maybe a teeny-tiny tabletop-sized portable gas fireplace

how is everyone else comfort-spending
this is legit my favorite thread right now

just filled a cart with red reindeer-patterned flannel sheets and a cute pair of shearling-lined flats

also a white cotton eyelet nightgown and a red and black buffalo plaid bathrobe, this is what passes in 2020 as a "Christmas outfit"
gonna get my best Laura Ingalls Wilder life on Christmas morning
Read 4 tweets
21 Nov
Everyone openly mocking Diana for not knowing what order to curtsey to them and Charles just LAUGHING ALONG WITH THEM makes me literally want to throw things at the TV

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD TO PUBLICLY HUMILIATE SOMEONE OVER god I’m so glad Meghan got out
The idea that the concept of LADIES OF THE BEDCHAMBER coexists in the same timeline as the song “Girls On Film” is fucking wild
“oh btw I asked my mistress to call you and take you to lunch because it would REALLY make my life easier if you two just magically became best friends and then I would never have to feel guilty about how horribly I’m treating you or interrogate a single one of my life choices”
Read 8 tweets
20 Nov
I have a long list of shows, beginning with Game of Thrones and The 100, whose creators were ultimately not equipped for the seismic cultural transition of the Trump era and subsequent explosion of REAL LIFE random senseless violence we have been consuming in the media.
If you ask a white dude creator to explain why the narrative dictates that a particular character had to die, and his answer is essentially “because that’s just REALISM and if you can’t HANDLE IT then the problem is YOU’RE TOO SOFT,” that’s usually a pretty good tell.
The fact that we could die any time for absolutely no fucking reason is the kind of thing that only rich white men in Hollywood with no real problems think is a point we need explained to us

The rest of us are like “yeah we know that’s why we’re watching fiction and not CNN”
Read 19 tweets

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