'Twas the night before Christmas
The year: 2020
Giuliani had lost foolish lawsuits a-plenty
Michigan lawmakers tried to be bought
When sedition was offered as trump's evil plot
And even though Biden and Harris had won
Transition of power still hadn't begun 1/
But republicans galore, growing tired of the crap
Were just waking up from their treasonous nap:
Early was Romney, no big surprise
And then came George Bush
Who said "fuck all these guys" 2/
Followed by Jeb who went after Room Rater (weird)
And Fred Upton from Michigan, no longer a hater
Kinzinger even pushed back on the "fraud"
I guess not everyone's as bad a Chuck Todd
Tom Reed from New York and then Governor Scott
Even Will Hurd cried foul on the plot 3/
Chuck Baker. Spence Cox. Dan Young from Alaska.
Frank Rooney, Condi Rice, Don Bacon Nebraska.
And who to my wondering ears took a bow
Concerned Susan Collins had furrowed her brow!
Ben Sasse and John Curtis. Potatoe Dan Quayle.
DeWine stated flatly the trump campaign failed 4/
Sununu called trump's failed Q-clan a cult
Karl Rove said that recounts won't change the result
Then Jim Risch and Mike Rounds and Cornyn defect
Even Rubio called Biden "president-elect" 5/
More rapid than eagles, elite strike force failed
And soon they would all find themselves being jailed
First Ellis, then Sidney, then Toensing and Joe
(They were already under investigation, you know) 6/
And then the most treasonous asshole blowhard?
Well his is face melted off, and he was disbarred.
Eventually, GSA Emily caved.
The voters had spoken: democracy saved!
Then Ossoff and Warnock won their seats by plenty,
And Joe was sworn in on January 20. 7/
They went straight to work. So much damage to fix
And the Justice Department indicted the pricks
And I heard Joe exclaim "We will persevere. Happy New Year to all, because RIGHT. MATTERS. HERE."
Thanks to @AVindman for the last line. Thanks to Dan Quayle for "Potatoe". And thanks to the American people for doing the right thing. Also, I want Chuck Todd's job. The end.
And of course, season’s greetings to @natsechobbyist
I feel like @glennkirschner2 would appreciate this.
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I hate to break it to you, but even if Garland had appointed a special counsel in 2021 and trump was indicted a year earlier, there still would not have been a trial before the election. Let me explain. 1/
We know that last year, donald filed for immunity. That's interlocutory, which means it has to be solved before trial. That whole appeal and oral argument process from district court to circuit court to SCOTUS, took nearly a year. 2/
The way SCOTUS set up the process is that they sent it back to the lower court to determine what's immune and what's not under their new immunity rules, and then THAT second immunity decision is interlocutory, too. 3/
Allow me to go through Tim Pool’s sad excuses for why he’s quitting two weeks before an election. 1/
1. “It’s not a financial thing. We make a lot of money.”
Okay, but you want to start a family and you’re gonna quit the big ol’ money maker? Or is your wife the bread winner? Kinda woke, isn’t it? 2/
2. “The structure becomes bigger and bigger and bigger until it becomes impossible to manage.”
Then you expand and hire people and pay them well and give them benefits. Sorry you’re unable to run a small business. I started at my kitchen table with 10 downloads. Now I run a network and have over 50M. But I don’t get millions from Russia. 3/
THREAD: Despite the overwhelming support for telling my story, I want to address some of the pushback I've received from Republicans on this site. First, "This is pure propaganda. Florida has exceptions for rape. You support killing babies so much you’re willing to lie to unsuspecting people about it." 1/
Let me address the "Florida has an exception for rape" point first. Florida does have an exception for rape if you provide a "police report, restraining order, medical record, or other court order." That requires the service member to report their rape. Let me tell you what happened when I tried to report my rape. 2/
I was wrapped in a blanket and bleeding because my rapist's friends had stolen my clothes. It was still dark, around 0400. I snuck out and went to the on-base law enforcement office to report the rape. I was seated in an interrogation room under one of those fluorescent lamps at a metal desk, where I waited for about 30 minutes. 3/
Um, wow. The evidence and testimony Jack Smith has is DAMNING. For instance, the government has testimony that Donald said of the voter fraud claims that the "details don't matter." There is also testimony that trump said it didn't matter if he lost, he would just declare he won. 1/
There are also multiple conversations Pence had with his running mate that they'd lost and it was time to "take a bow". I'm just digging into this, but Trump is cooked. None of this is immune (or the presumptive immunity can be easily rebutted.) 2/
HA! When Trump was on the phone with Michigan, lying to them about voter fraud, Trump was corrected and reminded he lost two counties becuase he "underperformed with educated females", which pissed him off. 3/
NEW: THREAD: A new ruling from Judge McBurney in Georgia overturning the abortion ban and allowing the procedure to continue has some REMARKABLE quotes. Let's take a look at just a few. 1/
"While the State’s interest in protecting “unborn” life is compelling, until that life can be sustained by the State -- and not solely by the woman compelled by the Act to do the State’s work -- the balance of rights favors the woman." 2/
"Women are not some piece of collectively owned community property the disposition of which is decided by majority vote. Forcing a woman to carry an unwanted, not-yet-viable fetus to term violates her constitutional rights to liberty and privacy, even taking into consideration whatever bundle of rights the not-yet-viable fetus may have." 3/