Thread by @Comedyfox

My girlfriend made me watch the movie "Love Actually" for the first time ever last night and I would like to discuss what an absolute fucking unceasing nightmare every single scene in it is.

WELCOME TO MY TED TALK...

One of the main characters is your normal every day ACTUAL PRIME MINISTER OF BRITAIN. And his storyline is he wants to do the tea lady at Number 10. He literally just moved in and wants to pork the help and it is never framed as anything but the upmost rOmAnCe!?!

NO HUGH ITS REALLY NOT!

Next up we have Liam Neeson whose wife just died. Leaving him to raise a stepson alone. In an early scene he breaks down crying and EMMA THOMPSON says "Get a grip, people hate Sissies. No ones ever gonna shag you if you cry all the time." This is THE DAY AFTER THE FUNERAL!?!

Oh hey did you find the hugh grant storyline creepy? Well guess what. They have a completely different character with the EXACT SAME STORYLINE except this time the hired help CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

WHAT FUCKING NIGHTMARE IS THIS FILM!?!?

Next up is Alan Rickman, whose secretary is a fucking creep who should be fired on the spot but instead he buys her an expensive necklace? Emma Thompson finds the necklace and crys. OH DEAR EMMA THOMPSON STOP CRYING NO ONE WILL WANT TO SHAG SOMEONE WHO CRIES ALL THE TIME!

May I loop back to tell you that Colin Firths story ends with him PROPOSING to his cleaner that he has never had a single conversation with. Actually he first asks her father who thinks he is selling his daughter into slavery and IS TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT.

This is hell.

Theres also martin Freeman's character who meets a lady... you guessed it IN THE WORKPLACE. That workplace being body doubles for sex scenes in movies. The creepy factor in this one is really just the fact it only exists so richard curtis could make people pretend bang on camera.

Finally we come to the absolute WORST part of the movie. Andrew Lincoln turning up at his best mates house to tell his mates wife he is in love with her, while his mate is in THE NEXT ROOM. This is after he spent their wedding filming his own wank bank tape of her. I HATE IT.

Not only has this AWFUL scene been unjustly turned into some modern icon of grand romantic gesture, but I also just found out TONIGHT that Keira Knightley was only 17 when this was filmed.

What. The. Absolute. Fuck.

Ban this film.
Burn the negatives.
Bury it in the ground.
Salt the earth.

THIS HAS BEEN MY CHRISTMAS TED TALK FOR 2020.

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.

Just to say there were also MANY other things wrong with this movie including but not limited to:

-Toxic behaviour
-Problematic portrayal of mental health issues/institutions
-The ONLY female lead being utterly & bizarrely forgotten about by the movie itself before the 3rd act