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26 Dec, 4 tweets, 2 min read
🚨 HALF PRICE BOOK KLAXON 🚨

For a limited time only you can have my book taking the piss out of the worst bits of the Sun for half price.

If you like my tweets and would like to help me out, getting this will help SO much. Thank you all!
amazon.co.uk/Sunburn-unoffi…
Due to the sale it now costs the same as about two fancy coffees you used to have when we were allowed to go outside
linktr.ee/SunburnJamesFe…
And (just because people keep asking me this) when it’s reduced like this I still make normal royalties, so it’s great for me and cheap for the reader (but bad for Amazon)
Also I’m not sure if this is just a Boxing Day sale, so if you do want it for very cheap you might want to get it tonight. Thank you all lovelies, hope you like it!
amazon.co.uk/Sunburn-unoffi…

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More from @JimMFelton

James Felton Profile picture
26 Dec
Xmas movie quiz (made by @ktfelton for a zoom quiz, format shamelessly nicked from House of Games)

Part 1: name the Xmas movie from the emojis Image
Part 2: name the Xmas movie from the emojis Image
Part 3: name the Xmas movie from the emojis Image
Read 4 tweets
James Felton Profile picture
24 Dec
[Brexit end credits thread]

When Big Ben bonged for Brexit, Mark Francois came so loud he startled the pigeon that lives atop his hobbit hole. He was never heard from again.
When the German car manufacturers failed to show, Davis cracked. After years spent walking Europe attempting to negotiate with individual member states, he went missing. There are rumours if you believe enough in Brexit he emerges from the hills of Austria like a yeti.
Untethered by the human rights act, Priti Patel’s reign of terror was only ended when she accidentally ate Italian food and was forced to deport herself.
Read 10 tweets
James Felton Profile picture
17 Dec
There's a good chance you've made out with a drowning victim from the 1800s

(Thread, non-sweary version here: bit.ly/2WoJUUh)
You may not have heard of l'Inconnue de la Seine but there's a good chance you've kissed her on the mouth, in a manner of speaking.
In the late 1880s, a body was discovered drowned in the Seine in Paris. Nobody really knows what happened to her, though it's speculated that it was by suicide. More importantly, nobody knew who she was either.
Read 19 tweets
James Felton Profile picture
16 Dec
Quick thread on why the third best Christmas film (Gremlins) is so goddamn good
I didn't watch Gremlins until last year when Empire (go buy Empire, it is great) made me watch it. Despite years of outraged insistence that I should see it, I refused to add another Christmas film to my already massive list. Especially not Gremlins.
Why?

A Muppet Christmas Carol is the perfect Christmas film. It's even the definitive version of a Christmas Carol and Charles Dickens was an idiot to think he could novelise it.
Read 23 tweets
James Felton Profile picture
15 Dec
What a profound thought there Melville, first thing tomorrow I’m off to spit in a pensioner’s mouth safe in the knowledge that everything is fine again Image
He’s only gone and bloody solved Covid. Probably why he didn’t asked for retweets on this one, knew it was a banger as is.
Oh good the James Melville defending virus nonces have found this tweet
Read 6 tweets
James Felton Profile picture
10 Dec
The oldest customer complaint in history is fucking amazing.

(Thread, sources here: bit.ly/3n9NRI4 h/t: @DrCarpineti)
Nowadays if you want to complain it's as easy as tagging Coca Cola and calling them a cunt. You move on with your day safe in the knowledge that you made some poor social media manager out there a bit sad.
Before this you'd have to fax them, and call them "ye olde cunt", as was the custom of the 1980s. Way back in 1750 BC, however, you'd have to really be pissed in order to complain, because it involved taking a chisel and twatting it into a stone.
Read 15 tweets

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