This chair is definitely designed for weird sex stuff
You see this chair in someone's home, they've 100% consensually eaten someone's amputated testicles while wearing a Victorian mourning dress
You see this chair in someone's home, you know a blacklight would reveal every square centimeter splattered with body fluids, even the inside of the fridge
You only buy this chair if you are absolutely certain that you could rock an open relationship with a cannibal and a dolphin
This chair comes with a 55 gallon drum of lube and a $2,000 gift certificate to Arbys
Buying this chair puts you on a government watchlist
Sitting on this chair, even once, turns you into a nudist who has an intense personal relationship to antiquated surgical tools
If you solve a rubik's cube while sitting on this chair you are legally married to Pinhead
The only people who are legally allowed to buy this chair know what cerebrospinal fluid tastes like
This chair wasn't created. It was just found in an abandoned hospital, surrounded by the dessicated corpses of hundreds of rats all facing it in concentric circles
This chair was once owned by jeff bezos

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More from @pookleblinky

13 Jan
If you had $220 million in bitcoin locked away in an ironkey, you'd be able to just pay the developers of ironkey $10 million each to help you get your money.

Unless, of course, bitcoin has no actual value.
If bitcoin had any actual value, it'd be a matter of calling up a few people, and throwing them a few million dollars to get the rest of your money.
"Hey, Bob. I'll pay you $20 million to get around the security you built."

And now you have $200 million.
Read 4 tweets
13 Jan
An interesting thing about programming languages is that they really only hit their stride when they turn 25 or so.

Javascript is 25 years old.
Python: 30 years old.
Ruby: 26 years old.
It takes about 25 years for a language to not suck so much.

Oddly enough, it takes programmers about 40 years to not suck so much.
The youngest decent programmer has been writing Smalltalk since she was 9. Or Scheme since she was 6.
Read 6 tweets
12 Jan
2001 was 20 years ago. Spirited Away, Osmosis Jones, the Royal Tenenbaums, and Freddy Got Fingered, and Gorillaz' Clint Eastwood are 20 years old.

They're as old as the Shining, Friday the 13th, Superman, Airplane, and Queen's Another One Bites the Dust were in 2000.
Zoolander and Ghost World are 20 years old. As old as the Evil Dead, American Werewolf in London, and Raiders of the Lost Ark were in 2001.

Amnesiac and Toxicity are as old now as Kraftwerk's Computer World was when it came out. And the Cure's Faith.
Tool's Lateralus is 20 years old, as is Bjork's Vespertine.

As is American Gods, the Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents, Thief of Time, Dreamcatcher, and Tales From Earthsea.

1981 books: Cujo, Midnight's Children, Red Dragon, a Light in the Attic, and Scary Stories to tel
Read 21 tweets
11 Jan
A 5 note melodic cell has 120 permutations.

A ii-V-I progression made of such cells has 120^3 permutations: 1,728,000

There are 1.7 million ii-V-I melodic skeletons generated by simply permuting 5 notes per chord.
Generate a ii-V-i for a given i.

For each chord, randomly permute a 5 note melodic cell.

Result: 1.7 million skeletons of bebop lines.
Bump it up to 7 notes per cell: 5,040 permutations per chord, 128,024,064,000 possible ii-V-is
Read 7 tweets
11 Jan
Brainfarting:

A const chromatic scale, a function make_progression(ii,v,i).

Chords as vecs, to which chromatic passing notes are added.

These vecs then permuted into melodic cells

Output: random ii-v-i arpeggios with chromatic passing notes
Another function to gobble up the generated progressions, output ones where the chord notes fit nicely on the beat
Another function that given a ii-V-i, generates another a tritone away.

Suddenly, coltrane changes with a melodic skeleton
Read 6 tweets
11 Jan
Reminder: platypus venom may help people with diabetes google.com/amp/s/www.medi…
Platypuses basically jab you with a chemical that causes you to release a ton of insulin and go into an insulin coma.
In addition to causing insulin shock, the venom also contains compounds to lower blood pressure.

The pain it causes in humans can last for weeks, and isn't relieved by opioids en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platypus_…
Read 5 tweets

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