planefag Profile picture
19 Feb, 814 tweets, 224 min read
Realized tonight that the main reason I'm drinking more is because I no longer have even mild emotional responses to anything, esp. media, unless I've had a few.

I figure Ultimate Blade Works is my best shot at breaking that trend, so let's try it, shall we? Image
Mine beloved mutuals and followers who aren't interested in dumb weeb shit and vidyagames would be well served to mute this thread, as usual. Image
Welcome, to Fap Angel Theater. Instead of watching a grown man try to self-medicate his crippling undiagnosed depression, we will watch him try self-therapy instead.

Expect little and brace for worse. Image
Uhhhhh... I was supposed to fast forward to the big alliance choice on day whatever, right? I can't remember what I picked last time.

Meh screw it back to the cuck shed it is Image
>Shiro puts on a gi just to do push-ups and morning calisthenics

if this dude was any more of a square he could sleep in the cardboard box his microwave oven came in Image
MORNING practice? I had to be up at 5AM to get to high school on time. When the hell do the elevens get up!? Image
Yep, dude's more square than a minecraft mob lmao Image
... ImageImage
... fingers? Image
dem tittays, that's why mah boi Image
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa boi Image
... I can't remember the last playthrough, if all that was new or just the same info from a different perspective. I'll keep on scene skipping till the big thang.
Pretty sure I ditched those clowns last time so I guess this time we try being a good boy. Image
Oh wait, it was to help out our boi Issei? Okay that's much better, wish I'd known that before. Image
Issei is 10/10 brotier. Image
ImageImage
Accidentally clicked to watch the dinner scene after he meets Illya even though it isn't new and I'm glad I did because this bit where Sakura shoots down Tiger is FANTASTIC Image
I have no clue what I did last time so let's pull the Tiger's tail, shall we? Image
"LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT-"

"Oh shut up and eat something."

Yes I know this scene IRL Image
>Tiger giving him shit for being attracted to Sakura

real strong big sister energy here Image
New content in an old scene? Because I picked the dojo option?

.... Tiger really is more like his big sister, isn't she. She's like, twelve years old Image
This translates surprisingly well. Image
So this is when Saber and Lancer throw down...

... the flowchart says this is where I start UBW? okiedokie then, stop her it is. Image
Oh, it really is night of the third day. I forgot how many days Shiro spends mucking about before the plot kicks off. Dhnerrrhrrrrr
HALT! HAMMERZEIT! Image
Shiro just got done saying he burned a command spell so she wouldn't murderize her and Rin's response is to just turn up the smug.

Oh, Rin, you wicked smuggelourde you, I can't help but smile. Image
"I'm about to strangle this kid and I don't want you trying to stop me."

OH, RIN

NEVER CHANGE Image
girl ImageImage
"Let me read you in instead of standing there like a cow staring at a new fence or the terrible fate that befalls you will be ME" Image
I like how she just learned that Shiro managed to *not die* in hand to hand combat with an eldritch Punch Ghost from HELL but her outward expression of it is just more smug. ImageImage
NO MA'AM HE MOST CERTAINLY DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE A PASS

AHAHhahahdausdafhals;dkf f Image
ImageImage
She is SUCH a tart Image
"Wait you knew that how?"

B U S T E D

Oh watch that house of Smug come CRASHING DOWN

SMUG GOETH BEFORE A FALL Image
OH PL-EASE LIKE THAT'S GONNA FLY Image
>or machines

Excuse me what. ImageImage
ARE YOU THINKING

WHAT I'M THINKING Image
Aw Shiro's such a big softie. Image
Continued the next scene just to see this again.

GOOD GOING ISSEI Image
IIRC we got the lecture on Masters from Tohsaka in the first route too, so the only new content was... well, Shiro pulling Saber's blow.
Oh, I see. You can get onto the UBW route from two different places. Well, that's something. Image
I suppose this is better, the flowchart seems to indicate there's unique content I'd miss out on if I didn't take this route earlier?

idk
Saber in the raincoat is still top tier
I like how this really showcases that even though she's Smugge, it's because she has fun being smugge. It's not malicious.

Well, mostly. Image
>church was literally built ON an orphanage

knowing what I know now that's a BIG yikes from me fam Image
"Emiya..." ImageImage
imagine having the BALLS to say that

THIS guy

saying that Image
I like how Rin TOTALLY said the same thing to get Shiro wound up but now that it's actively bothering him she's shutting up the evil priest for Shiro's sake Image
I don't remember if this was in the first route, but I'm glad that Shiro cottoned to the big hangup in her framing of things from the getgo. Image
Which would make you a very unreliable son of a bitch wouldn't it

WOULDN'T IT Image
BAM DIRECT HIT Image
WE HAVE SECONDARIES Image
You're just jelly that he fought SMART Image
Some men like to brawl, and other men like to WIN. Image
I've seen all this before, but now as then, it feels like a personal attack. Image
Image
The retort to this, of course, is that one doesn't wish for *conflict,* but rather for a purpose in life. Everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. And Shiro's just one of those people who's more suited to high stakes and pitched battles. Image
sumbeetch Image
He knows DAMN WELL there is so he's just roasting her nuts lmao ImageImage
This must be the new content, where Rin mentions Shiro pulling the punch, and naturally this is where the tsun comes out.

THIS is how you do tsun. Transparent as FUQQE Image
Every time I use a Misuzu image I'm reminded that I need to finish reading that comic but I don't want to because if Misuzu doesn't have a happy end I'm going to riot Image
I like how he reads her as easily as a train manifest and pounds that proton torpedo RIGHT down the exhaust port booooi Image
SECONDARIES

SECONDARIES EVERYWHERE

IT'S THE 4TH OF JU-LY Image
A very good friend of mine has explained his appreciation of Illya stems mostly from viewing her as a little sister and I have to admit, considering my own imouto that comparison DEFINITELY checks out. Image
THE LEATHER CLUB'S TWO BLOCKS DOWN Image
Oh really, bitch? Because the first time I'm pretty sure that you didn't have a gigantic murder mountain the size of FOUR BRICK SHITHOUSES STACKED TOGETHER standing behind you. PRETTY SURE. Image
Rin's pretty cool.

I wish I could be like Rin. Image
>big long speeches about how she and Shiro are TOTALLY ENEMIES
>knows she can't possibly take this nerd alone
>"if you can, leg it boi"

Rin is a good girl. Image
DRAKE OP PLS NERF Image
I like how Rin doesn't hesitate to uncork her own woop-ass here. Image
Bruh if you run you'll only die tired and if you stay here you'll die slightly less tired. I dunno what all the ~points~ on the spreadsheet even mean so, screw it. GIDDYAP Image
lead

from

the

front Image
~he knows~ Image
........ what even the fuck is the difference between these two

what Image
That's clear as mud thanks Image
Gonna sit my ass right here until someone explains all this BS.

I'mma get me a snack, brb. Image
Oooohhh okay.

So this time I'm going to imagine that Shiro isn't entirely retarded and can trust his incredibly basass, competent servant to DODGE, BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY, GET OUT THE WAY BITCH GET OUT DA WAY

>throws himself on top of Saber as a magical nuke goes off

I really do like Shiro. All his instincts are in the right place. Image
Oh btw he tried to waste you too, Saber. Image
It's a bow, Frank.

A BOW THAT

SHOOTS

SWORDS Image
l m a o ImageImage
🤔🤔 Image
WHAT IS THIS, AN ANIMATED INTRODUCTION SEQUENCE!? Image
return to the AUTISTIC SPERGHUT Image
Out of the frying pan and into the fire Image
She talks a good game but man that (literal) ship sailed LONG ago sweetheart Image
CALLED

OUT ImageImage
Shiro is having NONE of it ImageImage
BRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Image
Well FS/N does make me feel one emotion while sober. It does make me giggle. Image
our boy's down bad Image
ImageImage
PHRASING Image
Hmm. Image
ImageImage
>Shiro visualizes Saber's status as a vidya game item card

NEEEEEEEERRRRRD
"No, I am not a cold-blooded killer." Image
Moister than the English Channel Image
Trusting a woman? Duh Image
I don't remember this part before. Image
TIGER TIGER BURNING BRIGHT Image
ahahahahahahahahahahahaha she really is just an older sister Image
I like how in this route Saber doesn't let him YOLO off fuckin alone to get yeeted. Image
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHA SHE'S MORE LIKE RIN THAN SHE KNOWS Image
Absolutely phenomenal. If she was all cool and indifferent about it, it'd be one thing, but this active *sullen stubberonness* is cute as all hell ahahahhaa ImageImage
This is a WHOLE NEW SIDE to her I don't remember from the first route oh my l a w d ImageImage
>the tiger is dangerous when hungry

oh my god she really IS a twelve year old it rules Image
Has Saber just been standing there the whole time staring lmao Image
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEP Image
My mother is like this too. She has a high threshold for other people's pain. Image
IMPROVISE, ADAPT, OVERCOME Image
The THIRST on this bitch Image
Oh I DEFINITELY want to see my mans Shiro shoot. Image
SHE DON'T MISS Image
One can go on at some length about the ~zen of archery~ but it's not just Eastern mystic gobbledegook. It's also found in Western myth and anyone who takes marksmanship seriously knows why -

- the mind-body connection is self-evident to anyone who's done serious shooting. Image
Okay THAT actually is eastern mystic bullshit gobbledegook ImageImage
The mentality is what allows you to achieve consistent form and release, what even is this bullshit Image
IS THIS NOT THE POINT Image
elevens.

fucking

elevens Image
AHAHAHAHA BASED SHIRO Image
It's called dry fire practice AND IT'S ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW THANKS TO MR. MCFUKKEN BIDEN Image
So he's "one" with his bow in a way most others aren't, is what she's saying? ImageImage
That's a yes, then. In Western terms we'd say he's mastered all three elements; he understands himself, his target, and his weapon.

Thus he can account for all variables and see how they all most come together to achieve a hit. Image
If her next act is to glance sidelong at the blonde I'm gonna kek Image
WEW

SHE WENT THERE Image
... hey. Image
How is she this much of a brainlet Image
THE SWARM MOVES IN Image
Image
Sorry babe but this just ain't your route

and the next one ain't lookin good either Image
She's going to defend her territory. Oh my lawd Image
THE ESTROGEN ALLIANCE ATTACKS Image
Tiger could make up for the other two easy lol Image
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA Image
I don't recall if it was ever confirmed, that Shiro's act of constantly building his magic circuit every time he practices - unlike proper mages, who do it once and only once - conferred serious advantages in using fabrication magic.

I was on the right track, yes? Image
... ImageImageImageImage
Damn, this was mentioned in the first route but we didn't actually see Caster draining people like juice boxes Image
I really like this sequence. Rin isn't stupid. Image
Kiritsugu and Shiro's relationship is really the most tragic part of all of FS/N, I think. Image
It's like he died of despair. Image
I do believe I'm feeling some emotion now ImageImage
This is what I've been missing, lately. The entire impulse to help other people, at its core, is born of empathy.

It's always strongest in people who've been through the wringer themselves. Image
ICE

FUKKEN

COLD Image
It's a given that Tiger is still sleeping. Ahahaha.

More tiger. MORE TIGER. Image
"Clearly, this is insane."

AHAHAHAHA Image
SHE JUST BEATS HIS ASS Image
ImageImage
CORRECTION: SHE IS NINE YEARS OLD Image
Oh Jesus. ImageImage
"There's only two girls-" Image
RUUUULES OF NAAAATURE ImageImage
Hey sweetheart dem phat tidday don't support themselves Image
There's the pout! SHE'S DOING THE POUT! Image
THE GAME IS AFOOT Image
ImageImage
Wait, Shinji isn't missing?

He didn't - Image
That filthy twisted no good son of a bitch Image
Hey Shiro what if you whistled up your pouty blonde hurricane of asskicking death and kicked down ol' Shinji's door, eh? Pay your mans a visit. See if he finally got into that robot.

Maybe shake him upside down till some fuckin DEETS fall out, EY? Image
BEWARE THE TSUN FROM THE SUN Image
BOUNCE'D Image
... so magic crests are basically wands but tattooed onto a person? Image
Putting the "tsun" back into "tsundere" I see.

Also, sweetheart, if he decides to burn a command spell and call Saber to his side, you're up shit creek without an Archer, aren't you? Image
Because this bitch is tsun to a degree most men simply cannot comprehend. Image
I mean, sweetheart, you should've heard something about what his old man was like through your family, right?

I bet magic is quick but are magical bullets really faster than a lead one? You don't know WHAT that boy's packin. Image
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH

S H I T ImageImage
For a second there I thought she was really like my sister - under the tsun is just more fucking tsun.

She's still got the dere but god DAMN is that a high freakin ratio of tsun:dere LADS.

"If you won't be smart, I will scare you smart."
Running down the stairs will just result in her blasting away at you from above boyo. Grab the corner and latch onto her when she comes 'round it. You have to cut off her sight lines and make her engage point-blank.

So, hallway.

nah j/k I read the flowchart Image
... I'm gonna assume she just takes his command spell by force or something if she whips him.

I hope. Image
Duck into a room, dingus. Her magic is scary and all but if it can't penetrate a single wall then it's not even as dangerous as 9mm if you have any sort of cover. Image
Yeah dude at least one blue armor always spawns in Hell's Armory

BRUH srsly pick up that podium. What's the hundred push ups every morning for if you can't do that? Image
Oh dear, she CAN shoot rhough walls. But apperently she's a piss poor shot lmao Image
It's like Shiro is using some Zen master trick to piss her off so much she can't even aim, but he's doing it through sheer autistic stupidity.

This is awesome. Image
Probably because she has a wind-up involved with the spell. With a gun already in hand you can bring it up and fire in a second, even less if you practice. Image
Okay, so she really does intend to just take his Command Spells. You have to respect her for deciding to have this showdown with Shiro personally instead of cheesing it with Archer.

All the same I hope Shiro gives her the ol' Touma Tune-Up. Image
Good boy! Image
So while we're at it I'd just like to say that the "hallway or stairwell" choice was terrible. One of those very unclear choices. I don't see the point of a Tiger Dojo for that. What are you going to be scolded for? Embracing the degeneracy of stairs?
COME ON IN, TOHSAKA

CONSULT THE ORACLE Image
ImageImage
Oh I know where I'd throw it, baby Image
DO IT

DO IT

DO IT Image
The oracle is IN Image
What the fuck do these choices even fucking mean? "Can I?" What even the fuck is this? Is it what pisses him off most?

Right now what should piss him off most is that insufferable attitude. So #2 it is. Image
Oh, I see. That's just a point-counting moment where you get to choose what you care about more.

Well I definitely care about wiping that smug off her face more than anything. DEFINITELY. Image
Nobody gets to touch her. Only WE get to mop the smug off the floor. She made it PERSONAL. Image
He STILL HASN'T SUMMONED SABER

breh Image
Nevermind, that little shit is ours. Nobody gonna steal this kill. Image
.... in the first route he's barely able to keep ahead of Rider, and even that is only after training extensively with Saber.

In this one he's already in the "zone" and the dojo description mentioned that his father's training was much like what Saber puts him through.... Image
So I can understand why Nasu would shift the dojo training in this version of events to Kiritsugu instead of Saber - he hasn't had time for that yet, in terms of days elapsed - but it means in this timeline...

... Shiro is capable of defending himself against Rider!? Image
In the first route it was everything he could do just to haul ass and only take minor wounds. Granted, he didn't have a weapon on him, but...

... he's actually COUNTER-attacking!? Image
There is literally no time for a Command Spell. Don't need the flowchart to tell me THAT.

I do wonder what the difference is between these fight options, though. Image
I'll save it and check back later. For now, blocking the incoming attack makes the most sense. In fact, if he can get a handle on that second "nail" he can reel HER in and kick her in the face a few times.
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH BITCH Image
Just some very minor additional characterization.

Oh, NASU. Image
Let's do some math.

1. Bitch saved his life.
2. He saved HER life like five seconds ago.
3. But she saved his that night in the school.
4. But bitch just tried to gun his ass down.

I'd say it all evens out. And Rin had a problem from the word "go."

SMACK'ER Image
Man, I wouldn't even ask. She's right there, up close, in uppercut range.

I mean, just one. Just ONE. Teach her not to underestimate you too much, dig? Image
how is this even possible Image
You know Rin's a good character because even though Shiro just narrowly survived going toe to toe with a Servant, if I was he, I'd be unable to resist giving Rin shit about not being able to beat me.

As long as I had her in decking range, that is. Image
That whole fight was worth it just for the look on her face when he came out, still kickin.

Realization setting in. You dun goof'd, girl. Image
Yes, this is the kind of chat I'd expect with her not an hour after she tried to magically machine-gun me into the ground. "Oh yeah btw death field around the school, forgot to mention it to you lol" Image
REALIZATION DAWNS Image
Ah. This explains much. Image
ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN Image
Funny how Rin always covers a genuine reaction with a smugface soon after.

Careful, that sincere care might leak out gurl Image
[thunderous applause] Image
YES. Image
>hating yourself

GEE, I WONDER ImageImage
Having played the first route I can think of a few reasons why Archer might have a grudge against Saber.

"Let her marry the Grail if she loves it so damned much." Indeed. Image
lmao Image
This would be Shiro's first hint that Saber is a special case. ImageImage
... oh, no, this is when Shiro learns that Archer is a special case. Image
... Image
Image
He made it all the way to the kitchen without Saber devouring his ass whole for showing up this late? Image
... oh shit.

She's saving her energy. That can't be good. Image
No shit. Image
Your ass is grass bucko Image
TIGER

oh, tiger Image
Well, Shinji hasn't gone completely off the reservation just yet, it seems. Image
So AFTER she beats you you're gonna ask her a prying personal question.

b r a h ImageImage
I assume he didn't tell her what went down at school. She'd have rammed that bokken up his ass and turned him into a meat Popsicle for that.
YEAH, I'D LEAVE OUT THE DEETS TOO Image
WELP MAH MOMMA USED TO SAY THAT TSUN IS AS TSUN DOES Image
Think I'll call it a night here.

Overall, I'd say this was a success. I feel better now. Image
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Shall we rejoin our friends in the Land Of Swordsalot? Image
"I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams." Image
Yes, AND? Sounding rather JUDGMENTAL there, pal. Let's see YOU put up with that. Image
Yes?

AND?

There's a price tag on it. This isn't a surprise. ImageImage
Archer making a trade with the World to avert a catastrophe is one thing, but being sentenced to live forever is quite another.

At least the heroic sacrifice gets to *die.* Image
The parallels between this place and the hill Saber returns to at the end of every Grail war, the hill at Camlann, is brilliant parallel plotting and theming. Image
Imagine what would happen if Saber found out that Rin tried to gun him down yesterday. She'd plant her foot so far up his ass that she'd be wearing him like a damn slipper. Image
THUMP 'IM

THUMP HIM GOOD Image
You have errred Image
what Image
oh

boi Image
If Shiro doesn't twist his head off and shit down his neck I will be very upset with him. Image
YES YOU CAN

YES YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN Image
Imagine if you were to, say, beat the shit out of him until he told you

imagine that Image
Speaking of hiding identities, is Shiro wearing gloves in school during all this to cover the command spell, or...?
THEN WHY CAN'T HE SMELL HOW MUCH OF A RATFINK BASTARD SHINJI IS Image
"Like the slime-trail of a slug!" Image
This is exactly why he should liken it to a slime trail. Image
pfffhahahahahahaha Image
So go pay Shinji a visit, with your Servants in tow, and SHAKE HIM TILL THE DEETS COME OUT Image
Really, insufferably

smug Image
If she was any more transparent they could mount her in a windowframe Image
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH YOU ABSOLUTE DEADWOOD SOB Image
🤔 ImageImage
pls find shinji pls find shinji pls find shinji Image
ALL FISTS TO FACESTATIONS Image
... Shinji isn't too bright, is he? Image
... tho, Shiro isn't exactly a rocket scientist himself. I mean, bro. Image
Probably because the last time you had any kind of dustup was when Shiro whipped your ass for laying hands on your sister.

Boy if he only had a clue how much ass-whippin you really deserve, you waste of carbon Image
The better question is WHY DID THE SERVANT THAT IS VERY OBVIOUSLY YOUR SERVANT TRY TO SLICE'N'DICE ME LIKE TATERS IN AN INFOMERCIAL YESTERDAY?

ADDITION, SHIRO

BASIC

ADDITION

PLS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE USE IT Image
Look at this shitbag lie like a RUG Image
[incoherent screaming] Image
Yes, because that face TOTALLY says "I'm on the level" Image
Shiro for fukke's sake Image
Shinji is 100% confident he can take this dumbass for a ride and he might not be wrong Image
ImageImage
This is like watching a chinchilla dancing in a minefield Image
is this son of a bitch threatening to hold his own sister hostage Image
motherfu

and shiro doesn't grasp ANY of this? Image
"BUT DON'T TELL TOHSAKA!"

Shiro if you actually go along with that dude I don't even Image
. . . Image
"If you don't want to be found, don't do anything."

I want to believe he means it but at the same time CALL TOHSAKA
Tippity Toppitest Lulz

Tiger. Always Tiger. Image
She's

so proud

so confident

oh tiger

NO TIGER, NO! Image
She really IS a Tiger. Unstoppable, hideously powerful, and prone to breakdowns at the worst possible moment. Image
AND THERE GOES THE STARBOARD TRACK, RIGHT OFF THE ROAD WHEELS ImageImage
Like letting a child help you with dinner lmao Image
O O F ImageImage
SHIRO YOU FAUDSLASDU;AFSDLIFASDHFASD Image
They've teamed up. He's dead. Image
>It's eight o'clock. There's four hours till bedtime

He VOLUNTARILY goes to bed at midnight and gets up at FIVE AM?

And does it without an alarm clock?

Rin wouldn't be talking a FRACTION of the shit she does about him if she knew he literally ISN'T HUMAN Image
Lets see what the other options-

- ominous. Very ominous. I made the right choice. Image
Fortunate that he caught her outside so he doesn't have to listen to that ratfink diseased slimeball flapping his orifice. Image
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ImageImage
He's too busy running around the high school with a literal magic marker you numbnuts dipshit Image
PLEASE

TRY

ADDITION Image
I hate that a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt is something else I have in common with this lughead Image
[collision horn] BRACE BRACE BRACE Image
Yeah you had better pray lmao Image
>LITERAL ALARM PLAYING

OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT

ALL HANDS SET CONDITION X-RAY

THIS IS NOT A DRILL Image
Phenomenal. Image
aghahahahdadshfalksjfsdfas;dlkasrawejadfg Image
You can tell Saber's an experienced soldier by the premium she puts on good hot grub. Image
Third option. He reports directly to Saber.

All is well until Saber realizes who's making dinner. Image
SHE KNOWS Image
Okay, back to the true timeline where Shiro saved the poor Tiger after the threw a track. Image
NOOOOOOOOOO SHIT, SHERLOCK Image
Actually, at this point, maybe you're NOT dreaming. Image
Maybe you should, like, put a stop to that shit? Image
CORRECT Image
This is actually how sleepwalking works IRL, by the way. You're asleep and dreaming, but for whatever reason the natural mechanism of the brain that disconnects your muscles malfunctions.

This is also what causes sleep paralysis when it happens in the opposite direction. Image
l e w d ImageImage
Well, shit. Image
Bitch YOU called ME here Image
Wait.

Wait.

Didn't Saber say that activating a command spell doesn't even require a spell? There's no somatic or verbal components. It's purely a mental action.

BRUH WHISTLE FOR SABER, NOW, RIGHT NOW Image
... and you didn't think of this like, two miles back? Image
"The servant named Caster is very good at magic!" t. Shiro ImageImageImage
YOU HAVE NO PERMANENT MAGIC CIRCUT, NUMBNUTS

BUILD ONE

LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO Image
boi you sure are slow JEEEBUS Image
nasu what even the fuck does that mean Image
"The Servant named Caster is very good at magic." t. Nasu Image
... why does she make everything sound lewd Image
Okay, a sanctum spell.

But can it stop a Command Spell? Image
So even Shiro can sense it despite a lack of training and without an operating magic circuit. Image
IS SHIRO REALLY ONLY ABLE TO REMEMBER THE COMMAND SPELL BECAUSE CASTER MENTIONED IT? Image
BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE Image
>he never does invoke the command spell

I Image
I just

I

can't

I

I need a moment.

I just need a moment right now Image
So, Nasu. I know what happened here. You needed to get Saber there, but for Reasons you couldn't have your mans burn his last usable command spell just then.

So he has to be thicker than a door for that scene.

It's not like I can really talk shit about long term plotting so Image
Saber booking it so fast she's starting to redshift Image
Aaaand here comes ASSASSIN! Image
We seem to be getting a summary since we've already seen this play out once before. ImageImage
NOW IMAGINE IF SHIRO HAD JUST COMMAND SUMMONED HER RIGHT PAST THIS DUDE

IMAGINE
PFFFFFFFFFFFffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

ultra chad ImageImage
So Archer is about to throw down with CASTER?
He who has known the wrath of Tiger fears no lesser woman Image
Man some bitches are never happy. She literally wants him to be in two damn places at once. Image
. . . no wonder Archer wants to kill him. Yes, thank you for repeating what I literally just said, MEETOO Image
SUMMON CHAINS SUMMON CHAINS MAGIC IN 3.5 IS OP WOTC PLS NERF ImageImage
B-BUT MUH ACTION ECONOMY

MUH RULE ZERO

DM PLS NERF OR I QUIT Image
bitches don't know about mah METAMAGIC FEATS Image
Well sure, just let everyone else kill each other off. Image
You know why chilling on a barren hill of swords for eternity is such an awful fate?

It's boring.

And someone who's bored loves nothing more than a good challenge. Image
T'WAS A HOLOGRAM, M'LORD Image
>Shiro 'mirin Image
yes Image
Shiro's marveling at someone who uses swords and the swords are *just swords* ImageImage
Since Archer generates them as needed, this shouldn't be a surprise. They come from within him. So he *is* his sword in an even more integral sense than normal, for heroes in Eastern mythos. Image
What did you WANT him to do sweet cheeks, slash the hologram MORE GOODER? Image
"I will attack Archer, the ranged combatant, from range."

t. Caster ImageImage
Man she sure likes to talk a lot Image
GRAZE FOR MORE POINTS, ARCHER! GRAZE! Image
"The Servant Caster is very good at magic." t. Nasu Image
EXTREMELY GOOD QUESTION Image
SAVE URSELF LMAO Image
ImageImage
... wait, how did Shiro get caught up in her time stop spell? Image
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODGE-

wait

what Image
... he must've put a curve on them, then. ImageImage
"I will fight the servant Archer, who excels at ranged combat, from range." t. Caster Image
C2TD - Counter-Caster Thot Denial Image
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY Image
BUCKLE UP SWEETHEART ImageImage
She didn't dodge so good. Image
Blast-frag's a bitch innit Image
... but why spare her?

What's Archer after? Image
literally the next line lmao Image
Holy SHIT the levels of CHAD on this sonofabitch Image
This makes me wonder, strongly, how Archer's own Grail War went. Depending on how much he knows about Caster, I could see why he'd want to spare her.

Knowing her real name would be enough for me, all right. Image
LISTEN to this smooth-talking criminal Image
PFFFHAHAHAHA Image
sssssssssssssssssssomething like that Image
Imagine how INCREDIBLY confused Caster is right now. Image
O O F ImageImage
ahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH LAWD Image
[brake screech]

Is she only saying this because Archer just whipped her or did he really just SMOOTH CRIMINAL into her good graces-!? Image
... oh my god she's serious she actually DOES like them Image
She sees these two geeks butting heads for five minutes and she actively wants to keep them around. She'd contract Archer to herself and Assassin to Shiro.

Yes. Caster is Dark Clever Plots and all that but am I wrong to sense some adorable here Image
ahahaha he actually thought about it

... or at least gave the appearance of thinking about it. Image
! ImageImage
. . . so he's doing it all for Rin. Image
... y'know, Shiro. If you want to talk to her you could just... call the temple.

You probably have the phone number. You're friends with the priest's SON, after all. Image
It's a good excuse, but... ImageImage
Given the stamina on that SOB, Caster's uniquely suited to the job, because she can just chew through that obscene mountain of hit points like few others can. Image
Given the shit Archer's seen, this is cold logic, but not inaccurate.

Though one does wonder if they could ask Caster to, y'know... drain just a little from every person over a wider area? She has a whole damn city to work with, after all. Why she gotta waste 'em? ImageImage
Wait, so she IS?

And Archer doesn't like it?

He's already down to "save just one person."

Damn. It's Rin or bust. Image
>Shiro flashing back to Hell Image
Image
Image
Image
Image
. . . ImageImage
Archer is definitely talking from the POV of a guy who, uh, understands Shiro's perspective. Image
This is much more in-depth than the anime scene was, and really, really makes me sympathize with Archer.

I mean, goddamn, there's only so much bullshit a guy can take. ImageImage
... sounds like bullshit to me. Especially because he damn well knows it is NOT a mortal wound, because... you know.

He's just driving this dipshit off the mountain before he an heroes. Image
. . . Image
In any story or written work, there comes a time when a very essential, core concept is summed up in only a few sentences.

This is one of those times. Image
HE SAID IT HE SAID THE LINE Image
I'm actually not 100% sure how much Archer was trying to kill him, here.

Getting the impression that he DID intend the blow to be lethal, but he must not be fully committed if Shiro managed to dodge in *that* state of injury.

I guess it's hard to hit... yourself lmao Image
Image
As usual, Assassin is a pretty chill dude. Image
YOU'VE BEEN HIT BY

YOU'VE BEEN STRUCK BY

A SMOOTH CRIMINAL Image
>he knows ImageImage
>Archer trying to RE-ENGAGE
>when SABER is with him

BRUHHHHHHHH Image
Yeah he's definitely trying to waste Shiro now but he's ALSO definitely not thinking straight either.

He mad.
WHAT AN ABSOLUTE C H A D ImageImage
Assassin DEFINES the term "proper gentleman" in every possible way. Image
Oh man that "ORLY" face he's got Image
>ASSASSIN LET HIM PAST JUST TO DICK WITH CASTER

TRUE

GENTLEMAN Image
gears a'turnin ImageImageImage
Both of 'em are most concerned for Rin. 🤔 ImageImage
I don't recall anyone ever confirming this for me, but I've always assumed that the real reason Rin summoned Archer wasn't her timing mistake, but because she had the gem in her pocket she healed Shiro with, and that served as a catalyst...
Yes, stone is opaque. Image
oh god she's a sword-brain too Image
Shiro is definitely starting with a higher level of skill in this route than he was in the first one, as evidenced by his fight with Rider... Image
WELCOME

TO THE CUCKSHED SUPREME Image
"NO," said Shiro. "I MUST FIGHT THE SERVANTS."

The Priest said, "No, Shiro, you are the Servant."

And then Shiro was a sword Image
You can tell that Shiro hasn't had any time to himself to... relieve tension, lately. Image
... he really is more badass in this route, isn't he? ImageImageImage
There's nothing like getting a glimpse at *yourself* to do that. You can't learn by watching in that fashion from just anyone. Too much of what goes into it comes down to learning what works best for you, after all. Image
Saber jelly lmao Image
"I have no complaints" she says as the pout returns. Image
POUTING INCREASES Image
Why is she so adorable on this route? Image
EVEN HE SEES IT Image
Oh look, it's the guy who ordered the knuckle sandwich! Image
How can Shiro throw down with Servants and not die, but he can't smell this 'tard?

Is he like, 85% brain stem and only 15% cerebellum? Is he an idiot savant for swords? Good christ Image
Dude, you still owe him a slugging for that shit he talked about your classmate.

He's using the same term to describe you that he used to describe the girl he was spreading lies about.

DUDE.

ADDITION. Image
S U B T L E Image
>getting angrier and angrier that she has to wait because Shiro can't intuit her presence

YEP

CHECKS OUT Image
A D D I T I O N, SHIRO

TRY IT Image
aahahahaAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA Image
*AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA* Image
... we're gonna fuck with her. We can't not fuck with her. If I were he, I'd TOTALLY fuck with her a little. Option 3 for now. ImageImage
ImageImage
>she yeets his ass with a magically-accelerated eraser Image
SHE ISN'T WRONG Image
Okay, back to reality where Shiro is both more competent in a fight and as a SLIGHTLY more developed sense of self-preservation. Image
mmhmm. Image
EVERGREEN IMAGE Image
ahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAA

HE'S SO AUTISMO HE COMES BACK AROUND THE OTHER WAY AS A GENIUS

EINSTEIN WAS RIGHT Image
THE BEST PART IS, NEITHER HER NOR WE CAN BE SURE Image
Image
Shiro's tsunbaiting game is ICE FUCKING COLD

AND HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT Image
SIDES HAVE COMPLETED MARS AEROCAPTURE Image
Image
bruh Image
YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID SHE WANTS TO HAVE A STRATEGIC MEETING Image
>Rin eyeballing him shyly
>Shiro getting nervous because the raptor keeps looking at him like he's lunch

These two really do have a great dynamic. Image
"Sorry I left the dog door open and my Servant got out and tried to kill you." Image
You can hear Shiro's brain trying to shift gears without a clutch ImageImage
"Kinda suss tbh" Image
SHIRO NO Image
It means you're so cute when you're angry that the only reason I don't push your buttons more is because you physically injure me for it. Image
! Image
Image
That was probably deliberate on his part. As he said, "Be a magic user, but not a magus."

A full-fledged magus sounds like they have burdens to carry commiserate with their power... ImageImage
Yeah, Kiritsugu definitely didn't want to put Shiro through that hell.

Not that he had the knowledge to do so even if he wanted to, I suppose.

I know he was called "the mage slayer" so perhaps his take on things has some merit... Image
"He CARES about me!"
[smugging]

THIS GIRL ImageImage
She isn't wrong and they both know it. ImageImage
Image
It's so nice to see these two just ~connecting~ for a bit. ImageImage
So Miss Firebrand is best at channeling and redirecting torrents of energy.

Color me surprised. So very surprsied. mmhmm ImageImage
I'LL SHOW YOU MINE- Image
LOOK WHO'S TALKING Image
dun dun DUUUUUUN Image
Shinji in the corner about to activate the boundary field like "MAN I LOVE A STRAIGHT LINE" Image
>Rin already threatened Shinji personally

AHAHAHAHHAA
She didn't just shoot him down, she sawed his empennage clean off and followed him down to machine-gun the parachute oh my GOD Image
DOES SHE KNOW? DOES SHE REALIZE AT ALL? Image
"So he set up the boundry field, right?"
"Wat?"

... I'm starting to see why these two are made for each other. Image
Shiro is too good-matured but Rin just doesn't take account of Shinji any more than humans take note of ants lmao ImageImage
"if" Image
Honestly baffled that the first one doesn't lead to a Tiger Dojo. How even.

Command Spell it IS. Image
DO NOT ARGUE WITH THE CHAIR LEG OF TRUTH FOR IT IS WISE AND TERRIBLE Image
OH SHIT

HE KNOWS KUNG-FU Image
Tohsaka *completely stunned* by the levels of alpha male being unleashed Image
Funny how every time she commits a school shooting she shouts in German Image
CHAD FLEX

COUNTER-FLEX Image
>they finally have Shinji all by himself and in clear need of an ass-whipping Image
THERE'S ONE WAY TO BE SURE Image
The ONE TIME we want Tohsaka to shoot first and ask questions later

the ONE TIME

you had

ONE

job Image
Given that Rin has 1. already engaged bone golems and 2. knows th-

wait.

wait.

Shiro didn't actually tell her about Caster, did he Image
I

bruh

y- Image
I THINK YOU FUCKING CAN

why are all the puzzle pieces rattling around inside the head of the thickest SOB here Image
Imagine how this went down. "Honey? Yes, some rascal student is trying to suck everyone dry. Could you send your chap on over? Thanks. I'll pick up a cake on the way home. Love you too, bye." Image
Ooooh, that's why it doesn't lead to Tiger Dojo, because Assassin... truncates the problem either way.
SHE'S STRAFING THE LANDING SITE EVEN AFTER HE DITCHED HIS CHUTE Image
Poor Tohsaka's put up with a lot of shit t-

-does Shiro never reflect on how he takes this shit a LOT better than she does? And why? Image
... she seems to be thinking about it. Image
BINGO Image
The thud you just heard was my skull hitting the desk.

Shiro REALLY DOES NOT COMPREHEND the extent of his own trauma. It might be his characteristic 'tisms talking but maybe not. Even if it doesn't seem like a big deal to HIM, he'd know that others'd see it differently. Image
justfuckalready.png Image
Archer gets Saber all wound up but Rin reins him in with a word. 😏 ImageImageImage
A lot of that visible in my playthrough of the first route:
So you're saying they're married. Image
OWNED Image
READ THE ATMOSPHERE Image
ImageImage
GIVE IN Image
FORCIBLE EXTRACTION FROM THE CUCK SHED Image
SHE KNOWS Image
ImageImage
?????????????????????? ImageImage
>outright using the Battle of Camlann CG for this

This is Nasu turning up the heat ImageImageImageImage
ImageImageImageImage
Where was *his* Bedivere? Image
The voice actor REALLY channel's the tiger's roar oh my ears ImageImage
... and a thousand Saber/Taiga doujins took wing Image
GOOOOOOD MOOOOORNING VIET-NAAAAAM Image
BOY HONEY IF YOU KNEW WHAT HE HAD TO SAY ABOUT *YOU* Image
Honey, they are ASSUMING they're under observation at this point. Given how Caster collects energy she doesn't even NEED her Master in proximity to juice up. He could just be living in town. Duh.

... she's noticed the disdain Issei radiates towards her, hasn't she? Image
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA SHE *DOES* KNOW LMAOOOO

ISSEI MY *MAN* Image
t. woman sulking Image
Shiro's in a race against time to save his buddy's life ahahahaa Image
She's a bitchy pain in the ass but she's a FUN bitchy pain in the ass ImageImage
YES IT IS IT IS THE PERFECT TIME Image
C'mon, he can just walk in on his PE class and catch him while he's changing to check for a Command Spell, right?

Well, Rin would totally do that too, but it'll cause less of a stir this way... Image
oh no he's Image
[incoherent laughter] Image
FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR VIRGINITY, ISSEI! Image
SHIRO DUDE, BEING AUTISMO HAS *LIMITS* Image
Did this happen in the original route I can't even remember Image
>THIS is a Tiger Dojo ImageImage
If I check every bad end this will take forever to finish, and moreover, I suspect all they're going to do is make me angry with Nasu. Image
Image
>Shinji walks into the church
>still has Command Spells Image
Dude's lucky to be alive, in other words, but too much of a stuck-up prig to appreciate it Image
don't tell me he ImageImage
'erewego Image
Saber's old and busted. Rin's the new hotness. Screw Saber points. Image
BONE

of mah

s w e r d Image
Dude just caught his first glimpse of the Absolute Territory and he's damn near keeling over on the SPOT Image
"we're in the c l o s e t" ImageImage
For the first time in his life, Emiya Shiro's problem is NOT conjuring his sword Image
Nasu, you really, really need to lay off these food analogies. They are not sexy. They are the exact opposite of sexy. Image
DID SHE FEEL HIS LANCE Image
CORRECT Image
he just

said it Image
HOW QUICKLY THE TABLES TURN ImageImage
Deep well of unmitigated rage, why?

Is it... relevant? Image
... come to think, it's actually kind of odd that Shiro didn't learn fencing from Tiger and become a badass at that. Instead he ended up with archery.

Despite the super strong sword themeing in the story. Image
SPEAKING OF Image
WHY THO Image
... Image
Poor Shiro. Image
The VA fucking *NAILS* the unholy big sister glee here when Tiger's throwing him under the bus Image
WELL, THEY ARE. Image
. . . Image
. . . Image
He's telling himself one thing, but his heart's saying another. ImageImage
Image
>He is his OWN fucking Bedivere Image
... damn, bro. Image
>defiance of fate Image
... ImageImage
... Archer got Homura'd. Image
... Image
>RIN is his Bedivere

............ Image
Witness him, baby.

Witness him HARD. Image
Because he cares about you, Rin. Image
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoootttttttt Image
>She prefers Shiro to Archer

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 Image
... bruh.

You need to rub one out already, jesus Image
DUDE. Image
While Archer is watching Rin more or less declare that she likes Shiro the selfless optimist more than Archer the bitter cynic - despite herself trying to act the bitter cynic this whole time - our mans Shiro is fantasizing about

swords.
They're both natural thot patrollers, is why. Image
THE PENNY DROPS ImageImage
So it's safe to ask about it TODAY, but doing it yesterday is a game over.

ok nasu

okie

dokie Image
Issei's levels of thot patrolling are off the CHARTS Image
ahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahaa she's like an anti-thot patroller Image
NO RIN, NO Image
SHE'S JUST GOING TO POP OUT OF A BUSH AND GANDR-GATLING HIS ASS INTO THE SIDEWALK AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHDLAJ;SLFIASDFALKSDFA Image
Rin fucking rules. Image
I liked Saber in Saber's route but all my memories of that route are just fading into the background as I find myself adoring this fucking brash turnip Image
ImageImageImage
>they're both too thick to realize how often the other one is prioritizing their safety now

If Archer didn't have, uh, personal reasons to dislike Shiro, watching these dumbasses do this dance would drive him to murder ALONE Image
So lemme get this straight - Shiro is trapped in a cage, where he has to feed a lion AND a tiger *oh my* Image
Dude don't you even own a bow

dude

STEAL ONE Image
UNLEASH THE RIN Image
GOTTEM Image
wtf is this dildo brain doing NOW Image
LMAOOOO YEP THEY'RE DEF. ENGAGED ImageImage
don't tell me- ImageImage
OH SHIT Image
SUDDEN TWIST ImageImage
Dude sure is straightforward, I'll give him that. Image
... has Caster really not noticed Saber lying in wait for them? Image
SUP Image
>when you try to break through a Precursor's AMM spam Image
I really, really do like Caster and Kuzuki. They're a perfect couple in so many ways and speak RIGHT to all my weak points. ImageImageImage
"SHIRO YOU CAN'T OPPOSE SERVANTS YOU'RE DUMB TO FIGHT AT THE SIDE OF THE WOMAN YOU LOVE IT'S SUICIDE YOU CAN'T EVER POSSIBLY BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"

t. woman getting dunk'd on Image
I mean, these two -

* fucked up in their own ways but discover true love in each other
* both are confident as hell
* both compliment each other's skills perfectly - caster buffs Kuzuki and Kuzuki can handle close-range combat for her
* back-to-back badassery Image
... and they both get wasted in the end.

bbbwwaaaaaaaa Image
A part of me DOES wonder how the hell she can't keep him away with some space-making swings of her sword. Image
... I was right. He really IS a thot patroller! Image
If only Shiro could have complicated things for Kuzuki by, say, firing something at him. Projectiles, perhaps.

From, say

a bow Image
>Caster just watching in silent astonishment as her boi uncorks a bottle of whoop-ass a mile deep Image
MY DUDE. ImageImage
Fortunately for you, the shooters were staring in the same slack-jawed amazement as the defender! Image
Wait.

WAIT. I assumed Assassin wasted Rider because of the description of the wound, but if Kuzuki can beat SABER in hand to hand -

- OH WOW, HE JUST FUCKING DUNKED ON RIDER, DIDN'T HE
Rider's there working up a big wicked nasty spell to suck the whole place dry, Shinji cackling like a good Evil Villain and then

THE HOMEROOM TEACHER JUST WALKS IN, FROWNS, AND LAYS DOWN THE FUCKING L A W
>Caster was still standing there with weak knees long enough that Kuzuki had to prompt her again
Looks like Shiro will be keeping Kuzuki at bay while Rin blasts him? Image
Speaking of, this one's obvious even without the flowchart.

Well, it should be but half the time Nasu punks ya so Image
*teleports behind u* Image
Man how do they constantly manage to get this deep into the shit? Image
BECOME THE SWORD Image
BECOME

THE

SWORD Image
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOI Image
Did Saber release the wind concealing her sword? ImageImageImageImage
>when you send in the salvage corvettes but the SOB was hiding a wing of interceptors Image
YOU'RE WELCOME, BITCH Image
He seriously needs to bone her down. Only way she's going to chill out. ImageImage
... so his element is LITERALLY SWORDS Image
Aside from having the sheath of your sword rammed up his ass? Nah Image
... why tho ImageImageImage
>next scene is Shinji

Okay, I'm gonna call it a night right here because I can't handle this pile of trash without some fortification or some sleep or preferably both. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
So instead of posting more dumb political shit on Twitter tonight, I could...

... write?
So I did some freewriting last night and tonight and not only ended up with a character kept from suicide only by apathy, but now I feel my writing urges curving towards the unholy.

So lets do some more Ultimate Blade Works, right? Image
[spooky basement music] Image
Shinji here acting like a /pol/tard attempting to put "act alpha" tips from 4chons into practice is an elevated lol, indeed. He's worse than Shiro at reading a room. Even SHIRO can sense killing intent! Image
👑👑👑👑👑👑 Image
Yes, I did see the UBW anime. I really, really hope Shinji gets rougher treatment than what we saw in the show. I hope Blondie here punts him in the nuts so hard he bounces off the ceiling. Image
👀 ImageImage
>Sensing something evil in Archer's smile, Shinji starts to worry Image
"Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus?" Image
She shoved Excalibur up your ass and broke it off sideways? Image
I love the implicit statement here that in the modern world, laborers are very much disposable. Image
. . . don't tell me Image
... is Nasu going to make the blonde man with a cache of looted treasures...

... attempt genocide? Image
Shiro's a fucking terminator. Image
... partial body paralysis!? Image
... why do people keep telling me to "get saber points?"

Sabers already HAVE points; they thrust just fine. Image
>Tiger crashes into breakfast like a fucking Blitzkrieg

snowball's chance in hell buddy Image
[heart attack] Image
I'm not big on cooking; it's not something I do a lot, but I was attentive when I was taught how and I'm pretty good at it when I deign to.

And I can absolutely attest that it's a joy to make someone you care about happy with your cooking. It is 100% a chad high-T flex. Image
Oh right, she's going back to that hill to die after all this because I didn't pick up any Saber points and you need that for that alternate "Happy Days" end or whatever where both Saber and Rin survive and- Image
-Shiro starts tooling around with a harem. Image
... wait.

Wait tho.

Wait.

Is it really Shiro's harem, or is it

RIN'S Image
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

that foxy bitch Image
>yfw no emotionally damaged child soldier to spoil the absolute hell out of Image
Aw you get by just fine with a cum brain and numb nuts, you fucker. SUCK IT UP Image
I want to observe one thing here. Just one thing.

The thing that makes Shiro an insufferable square, more than anything, is his insistence on going to school in the midst of

ALL

THIS

SHIT Image
I hated school and I never, ever liked it and all these kids whining about their mental issues because they got to skip a whole-ass YEAR of that shit? Can just miss me. Goddamned extroverts. They're strange and weird and I don't like them! Image
PICK UP

THE GODDAMNED

FUCKING

LANDLINE

YOU ABSOLUTE SHITWAD

YOU DON'T JUST SKIP OUT ON RIN TOHSAKA, THE HEAT-SEEKING TSUNDERE

She's already in the house, bro. She's waiting for you. It's already too late to run. It's OVER. You hear me? IT'S ALL OVER. Image
FOCUS ON THE MISSION, SOLDIER Image
SHIRO ONE-ONE, EYEBALL, BRA, BEARING ZERO-SEVEN-FIVE FOR THREE, IN THE WEEDS, RED, HOT Image
>Tiger always enters like Operation Barbarossa - without warning Image
BANDIT IS MERGING BREAK BREAK BREAK Image
SHIRO ONE-ONE BREAK BREAK BREAK SHE'S GOING FOR SNAPSHOT Image
SHIRO DO YOU COPY? SHIRO! Image
SHE'S SPIKING YOU SHIRO, *BREAK!* Image
[stunned silence on all freaks] Image
HE'S ENGAGED DEFENSIVE AND HE'S ALREADY CONCEDED SERIOUS ANGLES Image
SHE'S ALMOST ON HIS COLD SIX AND HE'S TRYING TO OUT-ACCELERATE AND EXTEND AWAY

I CAN'T WATCH THIS

I CAN'T FUCKING WATCH THIS ImageImage
. . . Image
Shiro 1-1 has lowered his gear and is on a heading towards a hostile airbase.

THE FIRST MID-AIR CAPTURE SINCE WWI

EJECT FROM YOUR JET AND CAP YOURSELF ON THE WAY DOWN. COMMIT SUDUKU. SHAMEFUR DISPRAY Image
"Why is she coming inside?"

PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE SHLONG IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, YOU FUCKING PUSSY Image
Airspace status: VIOLATED Image
If only his Dad had taught him how to make... certain items... with "household chemicals in the proper proportions." Image
... well in a war of (sexy) Punch Goasts, I suppose a Shinto temple is indeed a fortress... ImageImage
⭐️JUDEN SIGN⭐️「SAMSON OPTION」 Image
SHIRO.

BRUH. Image
How can you be such a foodbrain and NOT want to feed her?

What's the point of cooking if there's nobody to eat it?

I know this is my huWyite Eurocentrism emerging but BRUH.

HOSPITALITY, BRUH.

How can you NOT want to feed her? She's like a baby chick! LOOK at her! Image
>Shiro sitting as far away from her as possible Image
GOTTEM Image
I wonder if this scene is different if you pick up Saber points. Image
"Go home, bitch."

"FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" Image
I want to feel bad about being so callous towards Saber this time around because Rin is here, but I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T. Y'ALL SEEING THIS SHIT?

ARE YOU ALL SEEING THIS BITCH TAKING SHIRO DOWN LIKE A LIONESS RUNNING DOWN A FUCKIN GAZELLE?

TOP TIER

TOPPEST FUCKING TIER Image
>"Oh, I feel really dizzy." Image
IT'S A WELDING APRON AND *FUCK YOU * Image
HOW DOES NASU MAKE THEM ALL SO GOOD

HOW

GOD DAMMIT

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT Image
Y'know Jack Sparrow's compass, that points at what he wants the most? And in one of the later movies he doesn't know what he wants the most, so it spins a lot?

Imagine that, but the needle is MUH DEEQ Image
Why are they all so good Image
OOOFF WE GO, INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER,

CLIMBING HIGH, INTO THE SUN!

HERE THE COME, ZOOMING TO MEET OUR TSUNDERE,

AT'EM BOYS, GIVE'ER THE "GUN!"

DOWN WE DIVE, SPOUTING OUR SWERDS FROM UNDER, OFF WITH ONE, HELLUVA SCORE! Image
MINDS OF MEN, FASHIONED OUR SIDES FROM BLUNDERS

SENT IT HIGH, INTO THE BLUE!

NASU'S HANDS, BLASTED MY SIDES ASUNDER,

HOW HE LIVES, SATAN KNOWS!

SOULS OF MEN, DREAMING OF TSUN TO CONQUER,

GAVE US WINGS, EVER TO SOAR!

WITH BONERS BEFORE AND SWORDS GALORE- Image
NOTHING WILL STOP THE SHIRO HAREM FOOOOORCE! Image
Does Nasu have siblings? Because he nailed the extistential terror of a little sister so fucking perfectly that it makes me think he must be on to something with the older sister vibes. Image
it's like watching king-kong versus godzilla Image
"I'M SURE TO WIN BECAUSE MY TSUN IS SUPERIOR" Image
bitch can lie like a RUG Image
[incoherent screaming] Image
SHE JUST FUCKING CALLED TAIGA OUT

SHE JUST FUCKIN NAILED HER TO THE WALL

"Shiro? more like SHINJI lmao"

GOD

DAMN

GURL Image
. . . ImageImageImage
>I'm 100% right and Tiger just outed herself by accident and Rin played along with it Image
Image
YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING, DUMBFUCK.

THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU *RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU* AND YOU HAVEN'T PICKED UP ON AN IOTA OF IT

YOU

UNDERSTAND

N O T H I N G Image
BOY,

DO I HAVE

SOME FUCKING

NEWS

4

YEW Image
ImageImage
>she knows
>she cares Image
. . . Image
So there's a scene in the VN I'm writing - the one I'm approaching in large part as "a huge F/SN shitposte" - where the MC looks at a female lead as she's cooking eggs in the morning much like that.

But I actually *describe* it.

So uh, take that. NASU. hmph
... okay, I'll try all three. Image
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Image
SHE FOUND THE CUCK SHED

SHE FOUND THE CUCK SHED

SHE FOUND THE FUCKING CUCK SHED Image
That last line perfectly summarizes a lot of Rin's appeal. Image
THIS WAS WRITTEN BEFORE CELL PHONES, SO SHE MUST BE LOOKIN FOR HIS

HARCOPY

PORN

STASH Image
SO YOU'VE BEEN INSIDE Image
"So how do you know that, Tohsaka?" Image
A LINE THAT WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT US DURING THE INEVITABLE H-SCENE Image
Image
!? Image
He has the same reaction as I do. Image
EXPOSITION HO

TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON ImageImage
This was probably murdered in translation but I get the gist.

Projection magic is technically only limited by what you can imagine, after all. Image
>Tohsaka hates getting up in the morning and stays up late.

PUT A RING ON THAT BRUH Image
lucky son of a bitch Image
>She CAN read the atmosphere Image
>She's praising the man she once called a fuckup Image
Image
. . . Image
AHAHAHHAHAA Image
Naturally. Who could possibly restrain THAT lunatic? ImageImage
. . . Image
Now she's starting to understand. ImageImage
THERE'S ONE RIGHT ANSWER HERE, SHIRO Image
but it's

RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOOOOOOOU Image
>she figures it out
>immediately resolves to save this dumbfuck's life at any cost

Rin is a good girl. ImageImage
TSUN AS FUCK

BUT A GOOD GIRL Image
HOKAY

Let's see what the "fuck'em all, it's cold" option brings.

I like this detail; Shiro doesn't own a kotatsu.

In Japan, this means that Shiro is an ascetic bordering on a fucking monk. This motherfucker does not dick around. Probably takes cold showers, too. Image
>she switched from territory defensive to giving him shit over it in 1.2 seconds

ONEE-SAMA, YOU BITCH Image
[incoherent noises] ImageImage
There's a cold six bounce and then there is a FUCKING ICE-COLD DUNKING *GOD DAMN* ImageImage
RED?

RED!?

He's thinking about THAT outfit lmao Image
Meanwhile, Saber's option is adorable as hell. This is a totally different side to her not really visible that much in the first route. We got deep into her Stoic Suffering, but not this... this...

yes Image
>absolute trooper who loves all food of all types and only cares that it's prepared well, with skill and care

I'm swooning Image
In a way, Saber is an impossible fantasy -

- A WOMAN THAT CAN BE FULLY PLEASED BY THE EFFORTS OF A MAN
DID NASU JUST FUCKING DUNK ON ENGLISH "CUISINE"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHDAL;SDAOPIWEAR;LSDFASDIAWER8AIWE;LIAUSDF9AISDHFASDL Image
just gonna

leave this here ImageImage
there is no god damned way nasu wasn't taking the PISS in this scene ImageImage
... has anyone ever done a "let's play" or "let's read" of anything I've written?

I just realized how much I'd like to see that. Image
I really, really sympathize with this. I grew up with a stay-at-home mother who cooked ethnic food all the time, and made my whiny ass EAT it.

I've known kids who's mothers both wouldn't cook and let their kids dictate what they were willing to eat.

They were WEAK. Image
Some of them would refuse to eat anything that wasn't hamburger helper or a fucking hotdog.

I just can't fathom that. My palette is wide and varied because my mother put her foot down and made me fucking EAT my vegetables.

Saber has that trooper palette. Food is Good. Fin. Image
... and now I'm remembering a conversation with my friends just yesterday about the horrors they'd gleefully inflict upon me if ever I visit Japan, and my insistence that I'd never eat squid.

Despite knowing full fucking well I totally fucking would. Image
I exist in this twisted and confused nexus of virulent barbarian cowboy ethnocentrism where I can and will shout "TWO BOMBS WERE NOT ENOUGH" if someone denies war crimes to my face but if you stick raw-ass fish wrapped in fucking seaweed in my face and say "muh culture" I'll NOM. Image
I mean... the best Greek restaurant in my town is run by a family of fucking *Albanians* who used to run the Detroit Coney Island that my grandfather used to own and run.

Albanians. Image
I'm just saying.

Japan is a land so culturally alien that anthropologists treat it as a valuable scientific anomaly in their field.

And YET, Samurai and Western movies are interchangeable because the baseline tropes are effectively identical - right down to the QUICKDRAW DUEL. Image
So I come into Japanese whatever and everywhere I look is bright flashing lights and stories titled DIVINE WIND IN PHANTASMAGORIA BALLZANG and I don't know WHAT the fuck but then they're like "HERE'S SUSHI MADE WITH FUCKING *SPAM*" and I'm like FORCE-FEED ME THAT SHIT FAM Image
I'm just saying that Saber has the (literal) king-tier opinion here.

Y'all remember that "through dick, unity," post?

Well if one considers the cumbrain/foodbrain parallels... you can see where I'm going here, right? Image
>Saber cares most of all about the effort and love invested

BRUUUUUHHHHHHH Image
... y'know what, I'll let that stand as the Saber point for this playthrough.

Based King understands the beauty and love in cooking. Image
"So I'm going to walk off into the dark with this woman who just promised to whip my ass tomorrow."

It's a measure of how far their relationship has come that I can say this isn't stupid, but l e w d Image
>Tohsaka just told me so

AHAHAHHAHAHAHA Image
>a threat she can actually follow through on Image
>SHE BROUGHT THE ZETTAI RYOUIKI OUTFIT

She's going to jump his fucking bones Image
>WALKING TOWARDS THE CUCKSHED Image
Wait if he's in the cuckshed what goddamn building is sh-

- OH WOW HE RETREATED TO THE CUCKSHED AGAIN Image
Cuckshed - the source of his power Image
... well that's not ominous at all Image
>Merlin was a goddamned trole too Image
THE WIZARD'S SWORD Image
>merlin was a shoujofag

I, too, trusted a shoujofag with my trust and friendship and paid a price for it Image
"I knew I'd find you in the cuckshed.... CUCK." Image
tags: selfcest, threesome ImageImageImage
>something within you has opened up

TAGS: YAOI
I say this

without

a trace of irony

"explain further" Image
THE MAGIC CIRCUIT WAS INSIDE YOU THE WHOLE TIME!

fuck you Image
tHe hEaLing NeRveS

I AM AGITATED, SIR

EXPLAIN YOURSELF Image
Seems pretty self-explanatory fam Image
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Image
ImageImage
... oh.

oh shit. Image
From one of my own stories:

"The doll who wakes up on the slab will never know what happened here.

It matters anyways." Image
Emiya Shirou isn't simply trying to save others out of survivor's guilt. Nor is he simply that full of the milk of human kindness.

He's trying to honor his father's ideal.

In other words, he's acting out of love for a human being.
. . . god damn. ImageImage
.... Christ, there is a lot going on here. Image
I have seen the cynic's take on this. To wit, that we do not love "humanity" as a generalized concept, but only through its specific expressions. That to love all people equally is a task only God can achieve; and us imperfect, incomplete children of his, we evolved apes-
- can only hope to love a few. The Dunbar Limit, dictated by the limitations of our grey matter. A mere matter of neocon count and evolutionary biology.

Well, you know what?

Fuck those people.
When God asked Cain, "Where is your brother, Abel?" and Cain replied "am I my brother's keeper?" the implicit lesson there was - yes. Yes, you are your brother's keeper.

But it was not phrased as "keeper of all men." Just brother.

YOUR brother.
You've seen me blather in these threads before, about how every breathing person is a universe unto themselves; a consciousness that is in so many ways unknowable to others.

Why is saving *just one* person less worthy than saving ten, or a hundred, or a thousand?
In fact, this strikes at the heart of Shirou's survivor's guilt problem - why the hell is his life worth less than anyone else's?

The man he admired and loved felt that he was saved because he was able to save one - just one - person from Hell itself.
... it's like Nasu can read my fucking mind.

His father saved him from the hellfire. But only Shirou can save him from himself.

This is a bitter lesson to learn - you can lead a horse to water, but only they can drink. I count it among the few that separate boys from men. Image
I spun up Ghost BC's "Pro Memoria" while wriing this, and now I know why.

The fact is, everyone dies, sooner or later. What determines the value of our lives is not how long we strung them out, but what we accomplished with the time we had.
To risk one's life to save another's life is noble and great. But ultimately, you're only fighting to buy them more time. More time to stand at the water trough.

If they've lived their lives nobly and well to that point, then you're only trading your inferior self for them.
That is heroism, yes. But somehow, when I think of heroism, it's not what truly defines the concept for me.

What really emphasizes a hero, to me, is one who will go to any ends to save someone who has been ruined and broken mentally and spiritually. A hell of their own soul.
It is the greatest of self-indulgent conceits - that you; you, *personally,* can save a *soul.*

That is why the phrase comes up in this VN so often - "a world where nobody has to cry."

That's why Shiro takes joy in cooking for others.

He wants to make others *happy.*
Hence why I feel the "lead the horse to water" lesson is such a defining one in the development of a person's maturing from boy to man.

It is so very bitter to accept that you cannot simply "fix" someone else's problems for them, no matter how much you wish you could. Image
This is why I have always adored characters like Shiro; men of noble convictions and pathetically limited means - because they are mirrors for us all.

All of us, face horrors that simply cannot be tolerated by any good man; but we feel so helpless to combat them.
Archer's point here is that Shirou is seeking atonement for his guilt. The fact that his father *literally died* after Shirou promised to shoulder his burden is prominent, here. He also bears his father's death as his own fault, in a way.

He seeks death. Image
What Shiro seeks, in the end, is a suicide. He seeks to pay penance. He does care about others; having suffered himself he truly understands their pain and cannot tolerate their suffering.

But he's motivated more by hating himself than loving others. Image
But that's the beauty of this story.

Shiro DOES love.

He truly and deeply loved his father, which is what set him on this path. It was his childish, pure love that let his father die happy, at peace with the world. Image
Would you like to know the ultimate, childish, indulgent conceit of hero stories? ImageImage
The fantasy is that -

- you can convince someone who hates themselves, that you love them more than anything else in the world. Image
That someone who's a twisted, wretched, broken wreck who cannot comprehend why anyone would give them the time of day, much less be concerned over their well-being -

- will come to understand their own value if you put your very life on the line to save them. Image
The conceit that someone will realize that you really, truly do love them... Image
... because you are willing to walk into Hell itself to save them. ImageImageImageImage
The world is a brutal place, ruled by violence and bloodshed; despite all our pretensions to the contrary. It is only natural to imagine our proof will have to be written in blood. That our devotion proven when, finding ourselves unable to bend heaven - ImageImage
- in our righteous wrath, we move Hell itself. Image
Kiritsugu Emiya was more successful than he could have ever known.

He saved Shiro Emiya. *Truly* saved him. Everything Shrio needs, he already has from him; even if he doesn't realize it yet.

And Kiritsugu himself didn't realize how well he had succeeded. Image
That is incredibly bitter.
In completely unrelated news, I have been drinking tonight.

Perhaps I should just give up and accept that booze is the price I must pay to access my emotions through the calcified crust of hopelessness built up by a pointless life with no goal or meaning. Image
. . . . . .

y'know what? I'll let you geeks decicde, if any of you nerds are still awake. idk

brb I need more booze Image
... you can take the planefigs out of the quest but you can't take the quest out of the planefig, I guess.

fine. aggropease it is Image
you sweet summer shiro ImageImage
ONCE MORE UNTO THE TSUN Image
~doo DOO doooo DOOOO doo DOOOOOOOOOOO~

~doodilydoodilydoodily

~doo DOO doo *DOOOO* do ~DOOOOOOoooooo~ Image
fuck heaven's feel we got heaven's REAL right here fam Image
Image
ImageImage
our boi

down

very

very bad Image
let sleeping tsuns lie Image
It's truly fantastic how some things just punch clean through the language barrier unhindered lmao Image
can't really blame the boi Image
Now we take the option suggested to me by the evil man who propelled me into this dark path to begin with.

He's also a known

IMOUTO SYMPATHIZER

brace thyself Image
👑 Image
this dude takes his bread

SERIOUS Image
OUT

FUCKING

PLAYED Image
DIRECT HIT TO FRAME 34

SIDE BULGES BREACHED

UNCONSTRAINED FLOODING IN CRITICAL MACHINERY SPACES

PRIORITY RESPONSE TO DAMAGE CONTROL LOCKERS 24 AND 25 Image
COUNTER FLOODING INEFFECTIVE, LISTING APPROACHING 15 DEGREES. CAN NO LONGER FIRE MAIN BATTERY Image
FULL SPREAD HAS IMPACTED OPPOSITE SIDE THEY CAUGHT US IN A PINCER, SIR!

IT'S OVER. ALL HANDS, ABANDON SHIP, ABANDON SHIP, EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF Image
"Tohsaka, why did you take the bread?"

"Because I made lunch for all three of us for the date I have already decreed we are going to go on." Image
"YOU AND ME, BITCH" Image
YOU'VE BEEN HIT BY

YOU'VE BEEN STRUCK BY

A SMOOOOOOTH CRIMINAL Image
Shiro has no clue. His RIO is shouting and he still doesn't realize that a SAM is guiding on his clueless ass.

YOU CAN'T JINK THIS ONE, MOTHERFUCKER Image
It's over. ImageImage
RIN'S

HAREM Image
I am disgusted with myself for not being able to match this.

I've made waifus this good, right?

I've matched Rin at LEAST once

r-right Image
... yeah naw I haven't

I

I haven't Image
ImageImage
[pantomime of spritzing water at the cat]

"My GOD. People go OUTSIDE on SUNDAY." Image
>Saber can't hear the RWR screaming like a bitch either

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Image
BANDIT HAS SWITCHED FROM TWS TO STT, LAUNCH IMMINENT Image
Image

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More from @planefag

21 Feb
impressive how many bases of mine this channel covers

Read 6 tweets
20 Feb
I scared the hell out of a lot of people a week or so ago. I was so deluged with messages from the concerned and sympathetic that I've had trouble replying to all of them, and many only received cursory reply.

I regret that. I just had to not dwell on it for a little while.
I feel much better now, pretty much entirely due to the support I've received from everyone. Some gave in depth, others loaded their sentiments to make sure I'd appreciate it, but the breadth had an effect as well. I was really surprised by how many people contacted me.
A big part of why I've let this sit - aside from the importance of dwelling on positive things instead of digging the hole deeper - was because I have real contempt for internet drama queens who try to hold themselves hostage for tea, sympathy and simpbux.

Not my style. At all.
Read 4 tweets
15 Jan
I could understand the ALS needles conceptually; it's permeated the public consciousness due to twenty years of forever war in the sandbox. And it *seems* easy.

But using sutures for *bleed stop,* not long-term closure done at the ER? Whomst the FUCK thinks that's normie skill?
That's surgery. Technically. Maybe. I dunno what the official demarcation like is for surgery but if that outpatient asshole could screw me for $400 of "surgery" for a local anesthetic and an endoscope up the nose then I think I can use the word freely.

Shit ain't simple
This is gear q***ing at its absolute WORST. Buy Shiny Thing. These people know they can spend money on TRAINING, right? But you actually have to show up for a class and pay attention. No instant gratification.

aaahhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRGGHGGHGG
Read 4 tweets
15 Jan
The usual clowns are popping a squat over my tumblr inbox to insist that there TOTALLY were armed dudes right outside the congressional chamber's doors. If that's true then I'd LOVE to talk about why the unarmed woman somehow met AOI for the cop and the rifle-armed man didn't.
If they'd zapped *that guy* I wouldn't have been surprised in the least. If cops will light up Philando Castile and Daniel Shaver, you REALLY think they'd hesitate against dudes with rifles *rushing Congress?*

But they didn't.
If they'd held fire despite *armed men* in that crowd that'd be Incredible And Laudable Restraint.

But they didn't.
Read 4 tweets
14 Jan
The article is paywalled so I'll just interject the reasons anyone should have:

1. He'll be too old by 2024.
2. The bull in the china shop has accomplished his most important mission. The neoliberals can slam the shattered remnants of the gate all they want. It changes naught. Image
The GOP establishment, and indeed the entire neoliberal establishment, has been thoroughly discredited. The people will no longer settle for culture war distractions or vague lip service about how outsourcing jobs is "for your own good." This term shattered all mirages.
The mad pace Trump set when he first entered office; the dogged resistance of his own party, the civ/mil bureaucracy and the entire elite leadership class... and then 2020, when the pandemic repeated and intensified every past lesson too massively to ignore.
Read 4 tweets
14 Jan
A common theme in both historical accounts and fiction born of late 19th/early 20th century English culture is how the upper class egged on status competition in the lower ranks; especially between their own servants. Thomas the Tank Engine is a splendid example known to most.
The "Railway Series" books from which the original TV show were drawn were penned in the 40s, and it shows. If you remember anything about it, it's probably how often the engines sassed one another, exemplified by Gordon's expertise at being a smug prick.

This isn't accidental.
The engines are constantly competing with one another to earn "Sir Toppam Hat's" (note the title) praise as "very useful engines." Sir Hat isn't subtle about setting them against each other. (Nothing about those stories were particularly subtle.)
Read 15 tweets

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