Jesus, one of the saddest things about living in America is watching people realize in real time that no help is coming
just absolutely a shit country. Does nothing but rob & brutalize its own citizens without even the barest whiff of obligation that a medieval lord would feel for his serfs
please stop doing numbers, you're depressing me
if you want to read something less depressing, follow @midnight_pals for hilarious jokes about horror writers
or I guess you can follow me here, i mostly just post goth selfies and get high tho
I'm getting weird offers from weight loss inspo accounts to buy advertising under this viral tweet (which I will not accept, i am morally opposed to weight loss), so might as well use this space to advertise myself. If you like tweets, why not follow me? I tweet a lot.
Do you like horror? Then maybe you'll like my text games, which range from atmospheric cosmic horror to lite-horror Tim Burton trad-parsers to diagetic folk horror to dumb raunchy comedy.
Do you STILL like horror? Check out @midnight_pals where I imagine hilarious campfire conversations between your favorite horror creators OR check out my collected Midnight Pals book (Volume 2 is on the way!)…
Do you like even MORE horror? Check out my Youtube, which contains my short horror films as well as episodes of my public access TV show where I talk about horror literature and demonstrate folkloric witchcraft spells…
Speaking of witchcraft, I adapted the Malleus Maleficarum, the infamous early modern witch hunting manual, into comic book form. You should definitely check that out too…
And hey, why not help our Texas friends in their hour of need? That's probably the best use of your time & effort right now
kinda tacky that I advertised my own shit first, in retrospect

oh well, i suck lol
trans rights
OH SHIT, also do you like to, instead of experiencing the horror of being, like to laugh??? Then you should check out my podcast, A Special Presentation or Alf Will Not be Seen Tonight, about newspaper comics adapted into other media…

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More from @bitterkarella

22 Feb
I had a dream last night that I was the commander of an elite deep state squadron of Transformers, tasked with a mission to take down the president of the United States who had gone mad with power. That president? Richie Rich.
Unfortunately, the transformers all sucked so we had to spend several trillion dollars to design three all new transformers for the job. In my dream, though, they weren't real robots, they were just guys wearing elaborate plastic costumes.
When we arrived at the White House, each transformer in turn did an elaborate choreographed dance routine to show off its transformation sequence
Read 13 tweets
10 May 20
Quiet day so let's do a thing

1 like = 1 stupidly hot take about 1980s newspaper comic strips
Bloom County is far less funny when you're an adult and can actually understand that the punchlines a obscure political points but rather just that "Caspar Weinburger" is a funny name
BC's biggest failure is how little it capitalizes on the prehistoric setting. There's literally ONE dinosaur that shows up about twice a year, but soooo many goddamn anteaters and turtles.
Read 104 tweets
15 Sep 19
wait, i think this means that I reveal a fact for every like this image gets, right? I'm going to assume that.
1. Bitter Karella
2. June 13
3. Married
4. None
5. It's a line from a Kipling poem that I stole from @Bowsnonk cuz it sounded cool
6. Wall of Voodoo, Perturbator, Kylie Minogue, Night Club, Archie Fisher, Adam Ant, Abba, Baby's Gang, Sabrina Salerno, Tears for Fears, Gunship
Read 18 tweets
12 Aug 19
My boomer dad, whom I love, has very weird ideas about how work works

Me: 2 people just quit at my job
him: ah! So they're gonna promote you now?
Me: what, why would they do that? Now I just do 3 people's work
him: but they have to pay you more now?
him: what if they privatize the parks?
me: they did. concessionaires run most of them now. ask me how that's going
him: how's it going?
me: poorly. they take the state's money and leave the parks to rot
him: some politician should run for office on the platformof changing that
me: they'd get like one vote
him: I just think that if the people of this state knew how their parks were being run-
me: nobody cares, dad
Read 9 tweets
2 Mar 19
We're rewatching some old Star Trek: The Next Generation and damn wow they really jam Wesley down your throat constantly
Picard: we're going to gamma episilon ellen tau for very delicate space negotiations
Picard: but first let's check in with wesley
Picard: wesley how do you feel about this
wesley: golly jeepers wow
Dr. Crusher: as a mother let me just say
Picard: why is this boy on my bridge
Dr. Crusher: actually wesley is so smart they hooked him up to a computer to try to teach it some things, but he had so much knowledge, it overloaded, and then it got really hot and caught on fire!
Picard: that didn't happen did it
Read 34 tweets
3 Feb 19
Baphomet is an entry level fuck demon, sorry to tell you
Now Belphegor, that's a tough demon to love
If you want to fuck Beelzebub, that's basically just fucking a big tiddy anime girl with horns. It's basically the same.
Read 39 tweets

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