Sunday humour - An HR Manager wrote a love letter to his girlfriend! Ever wondered how a HR manager could write a love letter.

Dear Radha,

Sub: Offer of Love!

Contd... 1/
I am very happy to Inform you that I have fallen In love with you since the 12th of March (Thursday) with reference to the meeting held between us on the 11h of March (Wednesday) at 15:00hrs.

Contd... 2/
I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending upon compatibility, it would be made permanent.

Contd... 3/
Upon completion of the probation, there will be a continuous on-the-job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would be initially shared equally between us.

Contd... 4/
Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However, I am broadminded enough to take care of your expenses account.
Request you to kindly respond within 7 days of receiving this letter, failing which...

Contd... 5/
this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you don't wish to take up this offer.

All the best.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

• • •

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More from @rananth

21 Feb
On the occasion of #InternationalMotherLanguageDay, it's also an occasion to remember the services of an Englishman, an official of the East India Company, Charles Philip Brown for his services rendered for the revival of Telugu language during the 19th century. #Telugu
Born in Calcutta on 10 November 1798, Charles' father, David Brown was a manager of an orphanage and a missionary as well as a scholar in many languages, including Sanskrit. Brown passed the ICS and learnt Telugu, under the guidance of Velagapudi Kodandarama Panthulu. #Telugu
He supported Telugu in three ways - he produced his own works, he recovered and discovered old works and he printed books in Telugu. He financed himself and sometimes borrowed to do so. He established two free schools in Cuddapah and two more in Machilipattanam. #Telugu
Read 8 tweets
13 Feb
Lunchtime humour (a brilliant one, I assure you, friends) - A Russian Jew was finally allowed to emigrate to Israel.

At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade.

Contd... 1/6
You should have asked: Who's he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations of socialism and created the future and prosperity of the Russian people. I am taking it with me as a memory of our dear hero."

The Russian customs officer let him go without further inspection.

At Tel Aviv airport, the Israeli customs officer also asked our friend, "What is this?"

He replied, "What is this? Wrong question, Sir. You should be asking, 'Who is this?' This is Lenin, the bastard who caused me, a Jew, to leave Russia.

Contd... 3/6
Read 6 tweets
12 Feb
Lunchtime humour - An ace fighter pilot from Haryana was recently married and got posted to Yehlanka Airbase, Bengaluru. His parents-in-laws visited them the first time just before Aero India and were so eager to watch the air show as their son-in-law was part of it.

He took off with a thunder. Everyone was amazed and the audience applauded. Thereafter, he carried out brilliant combat manoeuvres like barrel roll, spin, vertical Charlie, wing hover, cobra, etc. and all the spectators had a real nail-biting experience.

Contd... 2/3
After the display, the pilot landed and went to his wife and in-laws at stands. Keeping the traditions, he touched the feet of father in law and got blessings.

While touching feet of mother in law, she said," मेहनत करता रहिये बेटा आ जागा जहाज काबू में एक दिन"। 😃😛😂
Read 4 tweets
11 Feb
Lunchtime humour - Joe was a housekeeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss’s wine bottle and replacing it with water.

The boss, Sam, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while.
But when this became a daily routine, Sam decided to do something to trap Joe.

So he shouted, "Joe?"

Joe answered from the kitchen: “Yes boss?”

Sam: “Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?”

There was no answer from the kitchen. The boss repeated the question, and still, no answer came from Joe.

Contd... 2/6
The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe, “What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond with ‘Yes Boss’ and when I ask you a question, you remain silent. What is this?

Contd... 3/6
Read 6 tweets
10 Feb
Lunchtime humour - John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.

The WHO has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself that's the last thing I need.

Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason. Details are sketchy.

People are making the end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

Whatever you do, always give 100% unless you're donating blood.

Contd... 3/7
Read 7 tweets
23 Dec 20
Lunchtime #humour - Ordering a Pizza in 2021!
CALLER: Is this Pizza Delight?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed the wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Delight last month.

CALLER: OK, I would like to order a pizza.

Contd... 1/9
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with 3 slices of cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms, and meatballs on a thick crust.

Contd... 2/9
CALLER: OK! That’s what I want.

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes, and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I detest vegetables!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

Contd... 3/9
Read 10 tweets

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