Woke up to my mom telling me that mera wallet galti se washing machine mein chal gaya but not to worry papa took out all the stuff and placed it in the sun to dry.

Mere balcony mein 3 alag brand ke 5 condom dhoop mein sookh rahe hai. My life's a movie and a very tragic one.
Papa just said "Ab samajh aaya shaadi kyun nahi kar raha" 😭😭😭😭😭
I've the dumbest friends. I asked them what to say and one of them said "Bol de ki papa mere dost ke condoms hai usne mere wallet mein rakh diye the".

Other said "Papa truth and dare mein dare mila tha".
Asked mummy for breakfast and she looked at me angrily from the corner of her eye. Bhenchod itni jaldi meri zindagi mein kabhi bhook nahi bhaagi.
Mom just asked "Kaun hai?"

Dad said "Arrey nahi isse pucho kaun kaun hai? Preferences ke hisaab se jana karke rakhe hai na isne"
I was drinking water out of nervousness and finished a complete bottle. Bhai asked "Kitna paani piyega?" Dad replied "Arrey bohot pyaas hai isme toh"

I FUCKING CANT 😭😭😂😂
Dad saw the tube of Odomos in my room and said "Teri gardan pe jo machhar kaant ke daag chhod jaate hai unse nahi bacha sakti yeh dawai"

Kab tak chalega yeh yaar 😭😭😭
Bhai said "Papa ghar mein rakhi hui strawberries khaane mein toh itne drame karta hai aur yahan dekho"

NAHI YAAR 😭😂
Hello, good people!

I host a podcast *Mood Posting Hours*. It's a topical podcast and I talk about all sorts of things. Festivals, TV shows, political events, emotions. Often joined by few guests.

Here's the Spotify link to the same. Hope you like it.

open.spotify.com/show/5dfbZjuO8…

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More from @Bhand_Engineer

21 Feb
If the next slides bring up painful memories, you deserve to go to God's personal cringe compilation.
If you're bad, I'm your dad.
If you like me raise your hands. If you don't like me raise your standardz.
Read 10 tweets
8 Jul 20
Breaking the norm of fitting into the stereotype of being an Indian man:
I love chocolates and I'm tired of pretending to relate when you say "Bro ladkiyo ko chocolates chahiye hote hai. Hum mard kabhi 5₹ wali se zyada khaate hai kya?"

Okay Vishal meri 100 ki Snickers mein muh mat maariyo ab. Aur Dairy Milk ek company hai chutiye, chocolate nahi.
I don't get hyped about cars and bikes. Bhai kya hai nahi aata mereko interest.

I'm sorry that the most interesting topic of conversation for you is "Yeh gaadi kitna deti hai bro?"
Read 11 tweets

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