Thread by @Bhand_Engineer

Woke up to my mom telling me that mera wallet galti se washing machine mein chal gaya but not to worry papa took out all the stuff and placed it in the sun to dry.

Mere balcony mein 3 alag brand ke 5 condom dhoop mein sookh rahe hai. My life's a movie and a very tragic one.

Papa just said "Ab samajh aaya shaadi kyun nahi kar raha" 😭😭😭😭😭

I've the dumbest friends. I asked them what to say and one of them said "Bol de ki papa mere dost ke condoms hai usne mere wallet mein rakh diye the".

Other said "Papa truth and dare mein dare mila tha".

Asked mummy for breakfast and she looked at me angrily from the corner of her eye. Bhenchod itni jaldi meri zindagi mein kabhi bhook nahi bhaagi.

Mom just asked "Kaun hai?"

Dad said "Arrey nahi isse pucho kaun kaun hai? Preferences ke hisaab se jana karke rakhe hai na isne"

I was drinking water out of nervousness and finished a complete bottle. Bhai asked "Kitna paani piyega?" Dad replied "Arrey bohot pyaas hai isme toh"

I FUCKING CANT 😭😭😂😂

Dad saw the tube of Odomos in my room and said "Teri gardan pe jo machhar kaant ke daag chhod jaate hai unse nahi bacha sakti yeh dawai"

Kab tak chalega yeh yaar 😭😭😭

Bhai said "Papa ghar mein rakhi hui strawberries khaane mein toh itne drame karta hai aur yahan dekho"

NAHI YAAR 😭😂

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