I have known more than a handful of trans / non-binary people but I only know one in real life who is a good and close friend. For years after we first met, I only suspected he was trans because of what I thought I had heard through the group in which we met (thread).
Indeed, because of this indirect understanding of his identity and the fact that his presentation was what some would call (in a loaded and gender-dichotomous-bordering-on-transphobic way) a success, I held space for the possibility that I had understood wrongly.
I am not deeply knowledgeable on trans issues but as we became friends outside the group and he directly identified to me as trans I knew enough to wait for him (now them ... part of the point) to gradually share what their history has been (i.e. satisfy cis-curiosity).
We've known each other for at least three years now, possibly five. Our closer friendship is still less than two years old. Very recently they mentioned they had moved from he/him pronouns to they/them pronouns and they made a slight change to the spelling of their name.
My father taught me not to pry about personal things and I will likely wait to learn more though I now know my friend well enough to realize I need to ask because they might actually welcome the curiosity.
There were some messages between us before I went to sleep last night (I'm in my 2 am - ? sleep interregnum) and when I woke up a little while ago (whoa, have I been working on this thread for over an hour!) ago something occurred to me:
Part of #transphobia is likely related to the below retweet.

Some people feel viscerally threatened by uncertainty, by the inability to make sense of or resolve things, and by change.

Watching the intention with which my friend is choosing to alter, and in their own words "experiment" with aspects of identity that some others see as things that are and *should* remain fixed, has been an education for me.
They have had a long journey of understanding themselves as trans, nothing here is a mistake. There is power and understanding in what they are choosing to do. Watching them excites me and gives me new insights into the social role that is arguably intrinsic to being trans.
I believe deeply that trans people, like mad folks, have special leadership roles to play if our societies are to survive the challenges we are currently facing.


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More from @liminal67

20 Feb

My Pops died peacefully this morning. We were fortunate in so many ways: great doctors, great caregivers, my Mom able to live right across the street from his LTC home. Me having a great visit with him last night. And this kid reminding me of the wonder of life, even in loss.
Weeping as I type this remembering my Dad last night but also so thankful that he was alert and we spent so much time holding hands and looking into each other's eyes and I had the foresight to take a picture of him that will remind me of his last day for the rest of my life.
(And yes, the snowboarding kid is an odd bereavement message but honestly watching her is such a wonder, so hard not to feel joy seeing her board through the snow.)

Anyway long day. Going to try and sleep.

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