Thread by @bitterkarella

I had a dream last night that I was the commander of an elite deep state squadron of Transformers, tasked with a mission to take down the president of the United States who had gone mad with power. That president? Richie Rich.

Unfortunately, the transformers all sucked so we had to spend several trillion dollars to design three all new transformers for the job. In my dream, though, they weren't real robots, they were just guys wearing elaborate plastic costumes.

When we arrived at the White House, each transformer in turn did an elaborate choreographed dance routine to show off its transformation sequence

this took a good 10-15 minutes as the guy inside the costume painstakingly tried via trial & error to figure out how to reconfigure all the plastic tabs and slots in his costume to turn into, say, a giant cellphone

the cellphone transformer was especially great because it lacked any mobility in its cellphone form, so the guy inside had to roll around like a pillbug once he transformed

anyway after the first 2 transformers were inside the white house, Richie Rich's butler refused to let the final one in & demanding that he pay "a gift fee" for having 2 costumes

the 3rd transformer was my IRL brother and he had gotten so annoyed at his unwieldy transformer costume that he's just taken it off and had it slung over his shoulder. Cadburry considered his transformer outfit & his military uniform to be "2 costumes"

As the battle began inside, I was having this really pitched argument with Cadburry. "Don't you think the other 2 ALSO have military uniforms under their Transformer costumes?? They're not naked under there! Why didn't they have to pay!?"

I also insisted that the transformer costumes were all military property, so it didn't make sense that we should have to pay a fee to attack government installations.

anyway then i woke up

had another dream earlier the same night that I was sneaking into a neighbor's extremely fancy mansion for... reasons? I thought they were out but turned out they were having a key party by the backyard pool

I decided to should seduce one of the attendees so that it would look like I belonged there and I ended up suckling milk from this girl who looked like a treasure troll

what a night!