I had a dream last night that I was the commander of an elite deep state squadron of Transformers, tasked with a mission to take down the president of the United States who had gone mad with power. That president? Richie Rich.
Unfortunately, the transformers all sucked so we had to spend several trillion dollars to design three all new transformers for the job. In my dream, though, they weren't real robots, they were just guys wearing elaborate plastic costumes.
When we arrived at the White House, each transformer in turn did an elaborate choreographed dance routine to show off its transformation sequence
this took a good 10-15 minutes as the guy inside the costume painstakingly tried via trial & error to figure out how to reconfigure all the plastic tabs and slots in his costume to turn into, say, a giant cellphone
the cellphone transformer was especially great because it lacked any mobility in its cellphone form, so the guy inside had to roll around like a pillbug once he transformed
anyway after the first 2 transformers were inside the white house, Richie Rich's butler refused to let the final one in & demanding that he pay "a gift fee" for having 2 costumes
the 3rd transformer was my IRL brother and he had gotten so annoyed at his unwieldy transformer costume that he's just taken it off and had it slung over his shoulder. Cadburry considered his transformer outfit & his military uniform to be "2 costumes"
As the battle began inside, I was having this really pitched argument with Cadburry. "Don't you think the other 2 ALSO have military uniforms under their Transformer costumes?? They're not naked under there! Why didn't they have to pay!?"
I also insisted that the transformer costumes were all military property, so it didn't make sense that we should have to pay a fee to attack government installations.
anyway then i woke up
had another dream earlier the same night that I was sneaking into a neighbor's extremely fancy mansion for... reasons? I thought they were out but turned out they were having a key party by the backyard pool
I decided to should seduce one of the attendees so that it would look like I belonged there and I ended up suckling milk from this girl who looked like a treasure troll
what a night!
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Jesus, one of the saddest things about living in America is watching people realize in real time that no help is coming
just absolutely a shit country. Does nothing but rob & brutalize its own citizens without even the barest whiff of obligation that a medieval lord would feel for his serfs
1 like = 1 stupidly hot take about 1980s newspaper comic strips
Bloom County is far less funny when you're an adult and can actually understand that the punchlines a obscure political points but rather just that "Caspar Weinburger" is a funny name
BC's biggest failure is how little it capitalizes on the prehistoric setting. There's literally ONE dinosaur that shows up about twice a year, but soooo many goddamn anteaters and turtles.
wait, i think this means that I reveal a fact for every like this image gets, right? I'm going to assume that.
1. Bitter Karella 2. June 13 3. Married 4. None 5. It's a line from a Kipling poem that I stole from @Bowsnonk cuz it sounded cool 6. Wall of Voodoo, Perturbator, Kylie Minogue, Night Club, Archie Fisher, Adam Ant, Abba, Baby's Gang, Sabrina Salerno, Tears for Fears, Gunship
My boomer dad, whom I love, has very weird ideas about how work works
Me: 2 people just quit at my job
him: ah! So they're gonna promote you now?
Me: what, why would they do that? Now I just do 3 people's work
him: but they have to pay you more now?
Me:
him: what if they privatize the parks?
me: they did. concessionaires run most of them now. ask me how that's going
him: how's it going?
me: poorly. they take the state's money and leave the parks to rot
him: some politician should run for office on the platformof changing that
me: they'd get like one vote
him: I just think that if the people of this state knew how their parks were being run-
me: nobody cares, dad
We're rewatching some old Star Trek: The Next Generation and damn wow they really jam Wesley down your throat constantly
Picard: we're going to gamma episilon ellen tau for very delicate space negotiations
Picard: but first let's check in with wesley
Picard: wesley how do you feel about this
wesley: golly jeepers wow
Dr. Crusher: as a mother let me just say
Picard: why is this boy on my bridge
Dr. Crusher: actually wesley is so smart they hooked him up to a computer to try to teach it some things, but he had so much knowledge, it overloaded, and then it got really hot and caught on fire!
Picard: that didn't happen did it