Thread by @joulee

Do you feel you should "build your network?"

Do you wonder why everyone says you should?

Does the idea of 'networking' make you die a little inside?

Do you wonder how you can continue to network in this remote, socially-distanced era?

Then this thread is for you. 👇

First, what does it mean to "have a great network?"

A simple litmus test: If you have a problem or desire X, will someone you know be able to help you solve that problem or get X?"

If the answer is frequently 'yes,' then congrats! You have a great network.

If you have a great network, lots of things become easier. Your network can...

1) Connect you to jobs, sales, deals, or investments

2) Give you advice on challenges you're going through

3) Put in a good word for you

4) Introduce you to someone they know that you want to meet

Breaking it down further, having a great network generally means...

1) You know a lot of people

2) Many of those people have high-quality skills, knowledge, or access that are useful to you

3) Those people are willing to help you

When we think of 'networking,' the focus is typically on #1 and #2: how can we meet more people, especially those who might have the skills or connections we need?

This conjures up awkward mixers, loud parties, tactics to catch the attention of high-powered individuals, etc

If the idea of 'networking' seems icky to you, I can relate.

I often thought it had an extractive vibe. I'm supposed to be friendly with people who might help me down the road? "Yeah, duh, that's how the world works," I'll hear. But it all seems so... Transactional? Inauthentic?

Over time I came to realize that focusing on #3 above rather than #1 or #2 was the key.

You can know many amazing people with many amazing skills, but the million-dollar question is:

Why would they be willing to help you?

Top reasons why someone would go out of their way to help you:

1) They like and admire you

2) You have helped them in the past, or can help them in the future

3) They empathize with what you are going through

4) Your success is also their success

Now the list above looks a lot more inspiring! The 🔑 to building a better network is to:

1) Become someone other folks like and admire.

Who do you like and admire? Probably those who are super skilled / passionate about something, kind, fun, have high integrity, etc.

2) ...

2) Help others.

If you help a lot of people without expecting anything in return, guess what, people remember that. And they'll return the favor.

Beyond that, your reputation will grow as a genuinely helpful person. Which will make others more willing to help you.

3) ...

3) Be honest about what you are going through and what you need help with.

If you strut around all day like you have no problems, desires, or cares in the world, then you shouldn't be surprised if nobody proactively reaches out to help you with anything.

4) ...

(I continue to be struck by how many people don't get valuable support or help simply because they don't advertise what they need or want.)

4) Look for win-wins in the relationship.

This can be formal (ie investor-founder) or informal (ie mentor-mentee, where the mentor takes pride in the mentee's success) or simply making someone feel good about their help (public credit, expressing deep gratitude, etc.)

If you already do a lot of the above, you may already have a solid network in place.

Now you can turn your attention to how you might expand it.

The key here is that you must take initiative. Be intentional about the people you surround yourself with.

The most important lever in growing one's network is simply: find where exceptional people congregate, and join them.

1) Join an amazing company / school
2) Contribute to a project or initiative
3) Get active in a community
4) Teach / mentor
5) Talk with people you admire

When choosing a company or a long-term initiative to be a part of, consider the people first and foremost. I cannot stress this enough.

If you stay in the industry long enough, those colleagues will one day make up your network and will have a huge impact on your future.

Many of the above can be done remotely! Join a reddit, contribute to a github project, teach an online course. Ask folks to a clubhouse room. DM someone whose essay you loved.

Don't "network" with someone if you are not genuinely interested in them. Don't approach it as, "How can I impress them so they'll want to help me in the future?" That kind of inauthenticity is easily sniffed out.

Instead, ask: "What's their story? How can I learn from them? And how might I help them?"

If you are genuinely interested in someone, this should come naturally.

Finally, don't short-change yourself either. You have to believe that you are also interesting to the other person.

If you come across like you don't deserve to be in the same room as them, it will be totally awkward and it will not make for an engaging conversation.

Whenever you meet someone new, be proud of your story—where you came from, where you hope to go, what you love, what you are working toward.

Tell that story.

Networks are built out of mutual respect and support. To go far, go together.

Fin.