Thread by @seokjinhie

𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 💜 #𝟐𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐟𝐢𝐜

- explicit 🔞 there will be smut later so minors dni
- enemies to lovers, hate sex, drunk sex
- rock band au

- this is in collab with @emecce!! eme's work for this au will be featured both on her patreon and in the @KingofHeartZine! 🥺💜 i love u eme, thank you for encouraging me

- slow updates
- qrts only
- warnings before smut scenes
- enjoy!

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 💜

“One… two… one, two, three—” The new kid counts himself in and starts playing something heavy, the drumsticks hitting each mark of the familiar solo without fail or falter.

It’s their old drummer’s solo from one of their more popular songs, the one that got them off the ground and into venues.

The guy —𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘰𝘬. They all know who he is.

They’ve heard his name floating around bars and underground circles for a while, but having a face to go with the name… it’s like hearing about a painting and finding the Sistine Chapel.

He finishes the piece with extra flare, extending the solo for a few seconds to add his own arrangement, marking it as 𝘩𝘪𝘴, now, before they’ve even told him he’s got the job.

And he’s got the job, obviously. Taehyung’s face lit up the second started playing. Seokjin could see Yoongi’s foot tapping along out of the corner of his eye. He was in the band, that much was certain.

That didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.

“Was it okay?” Hoseok asks, his breaths coming quick as he stands up, tucking his drumsticks into the back pocket of his jeans. He’s got this heart-shaped smile on his face… it brightens up all of him. As though it’s coming from the inside and beaming out of him.

Seokjin doesn’t uncross his arms. He doesn’t stop chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah! It was more than just 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺,” Taehyung exaggerates. “You’re in, dude.”

“Seriously?!”

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦.

Seokjin swallows down his pride. He snuffs out the flames licking at his chest over the sight of the man before him and the performance he just gave. He steps up, and holds out a hand.

“It’s good to have you."

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 💜

"I think we should change the band name."

"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵?"

It's been three months.

Three months of this bullshit. And for some reason, Seokjin's the only one who seems to have a problem with it.

With 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

"Y'know," Hoseok shrugs one shoulder as he flicks through the pages of their set list options for the upcoming tour. They're going all across the country and then, if they sell out enough preorder tickets, they'll be flying to Japan.

And now the new guy that Seokjin can barely be in a room with for longer than five minutes has decided to tell him that he thinks they should 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥.

"All the legends... 'The Rolling Stones, 'Nine Inch Nails', 'The White Stripes'. They all use three words."

"Are you suggesting we call ourselves '𝘛𝘩𝘦 Half Torn'?"

Seokjin can't help it. Any other day and he would've already stood up and left the room, but he can't because he actually has a fucking job to do and, for some reason beyond his knowledge, he 𝘩𝘢𝘴 to do it with the man sat across from him.

Their manager keeps telling them they need to ‘build rapport’. Seokjin would rather build a door to slam in his face.

He's so... cocky. Everything about Jung Hoseok screams 'I know what I look like and I know how to use it to my advantage'. He gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. Thrown at his feet like fucking roses at the last bow.

He's 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 to look at.

"No," Hoseok laughs as though he actually finds it funny. Seokjin wishes he'd take shit seriously for once but he never does, he never has, at least not in the short time that he's been forced to get to know him.

"Something else, maybe. I was thinking 'Half Torn 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴’ might be cool. Because, you know," he brings up a hand without lifting his head to point at Seokjin's torso. "The merch already fits the aesthetic. And our tattoos—"

He gestures between both of their bodies, pointing first to his own heart tattoo on his finger and then to the larger one on Seokjin’s arm.

Seokjin never made the connection, before. But that’s not important. 

"We're not changing the name."

That’s the end of it, for a while. Hoseok lifts his brows with a shit-eating grin, pretending to zip his mouth shut before going back to the work they’re both supposed to be doing.

Later, the silence between them is interrupted by a knock on the door to the meeting room.

Seokjin had his headphones on to listen to their tracks one by one, carefully working out which ones he thinks will please their fans the most, and in which order they should perform them in for their set list. He takes them off when Hoseok lifts his head toward the door.

Hoseok had finished with his own sheet ages ago. All he’s been doing for the better part of an hour is kicking it back with his legs spread wide apart as he fucks around on his phone. 𝘈𝘴𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦.

“You guys finishing up soon?” Namjoon asks as he enters the room. 

He’s the band’s business manager, tour manager, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 a featured songwriter. Seokjin has no idea how the hell he can take it, all that work, but he’s always been around and has always looked out for them.

Whatever reason Namjoon has for wanting to stick around and take on all of the band’s shit, Seokjin’s grateful for him.

“Almost,” Seokjin sighs at the same time Hoseok tosses his sheet to the other end of the table, toward Namjoon.

“Yep. All done. Am I good to head out?”

“Not yet,” Namjoon says through a laugh as he sits down beside Seokjin. “We have a few things to go over together, first. Are the other two coming?” 

“Yoongi’s bingeing. He wants to finish the new single tonight, so…”

“So he won’t be out of the studio until it’s done. Got it. And Taehyung?”

Hoseok snorts at his name and rolls his eyes over a smirk. “Out with his mistress, I bet.” 

Seokjin just glares at him.

“Right,” Namjoon drawls. He rubs his palm over his chin as he ticks off each song on Hoseok’s list with a pen, adding notes beside the ones he’s unsure about and crossing off others that he doesn’t want to include.

If it were Seokjin, he has no doubt that he’d end up crossing off every single one out of spite.

Their music is as diverse as it is loud. They’ve only been an ‘active’ band for a couple years, but they pump out EPs and one-off singles more often than their fans can keep up with.

They just— they’ve never been able to stop. Yoongi always has a concept in mind, a melody ready to go, and Taehyung and Seokjin are always available to help him put it together. 

Jeongguk had been just as enthusiastic, too. Before he quit. 

𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

Needless to say, they have songs coming out of their ears; all ready to be played in front of thousands. Some are just more suitable than others and it’s Namjoon’s job to decide which ones.

“Hey, hyung?” Hoseok pipes up a few minutes later. Seokjin had put his headphones back on to finish up with his list as quickly as he could now that Namjoon was here and waiting for him, and he lifts his head at the honorific. It wasn’t for him, though.

“Yeah?” Namjoon asks, slowly tearing his eyes away from his ipad where he’s typing up their set list draft.

“What do 𝘺𝘰𝘶 think about changing the name of the band?”

𝘔𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘳.

“Changing the name?” Namjoon frowns. “Why?”

Hoseok doesn’t even look at Seokjin as he speaks. It’s like they never even had their conversation earlier, like he isn’t even 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 at all.

“It’s a good name and all, but don’t you think it needs something? Like… ‘Half Torn’... Half torn 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵? Half torn underwear? Half torn piece of paper? It just sounds unfinished, you know what I mean?”

It’s Seokjin’s band name. He came up with it when he and Yoongi were still in high school, angsting over their futures and their mental health and their childish broken hearts. 

It makes him want to 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 because Hoseok actually has a fucking point.

He’s not about to admit it, though. He likes their band name — they’ve had it for 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨, why would they ever even think about changing it?

Their fans know them as ‘Half Torn’. All of their records, their merch, their 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 in the industry is ‘Half Torn’. Changing it now would do them no good whatsoever.

It’s too bad Namjoon doesn’t seem to agree.

“What do you think we should change it to, then?”

He’s entertaining the idea already.

“I was thinking,” Hoseok waves his hand through the air and, before Namjoon can take notice, he glances over to Seokjin with a smirk so subtle, it’s obvious that it’s meant only for him. “What about ‘Half Torn Hearts’?”

“Hmm,” Namjoon hums. And Seokjin 𝘧𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘴. “It works. And you’re right, it does sound more complete. Might work nicely with the vibe we’ve been trying to go for recently, too…”

“Would it be too difficult to manage?” Hoseok asks, and Seokjin doesn’t know if he’s feigning his concern or what but it sure is convincing.

His brows are drawn together, his lips pinched up in a thoughtful pout, as if he’s 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 about the implications of his suggestion. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 fucking pointless suggestion. “If it’ll be too much work, maybe not, but I wanted to bring it up.”

“I don’t think so.”

𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴.

“I mean, we’ve already announced that you joined the band, right? And we still have a lot to get done before the tour. Photoshoots, interviews, a new single… it could be a way for us to ring in the band’s new era.”

Namjoon turns toward Seokjin for the first time since the subject was brought up. Then, he smiles at him with a sadness in his eyes — an unspoken apology. “Out with the old, in with the new, right?”

He means far more than just the band’s name.

Seokjin’s about to put his foot down. He’s about to toss his headphones onto the table and put an end to the entire discussion; they’re 𝘯𝘰𝘵 changing the name and that’s 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭.

But before he can even open his mouth, the door opens.

“Sorry!” Taehyung bellows his apology as he rushes into the room in a flurry, looking all dishevelled with his bag falling off of his shoulder and dragging the collar of his t-shirt with it. “Sorry I’m late!”

He’s got a grin on his face as wide as it’ll go and a flustered blush staining the apples of his cheeks as he moves around the table. “I was with some of the tour staff, I wanted to—”

“We all know you’re fucking Jimin, Taehyung.”

It comes out harsher than he’d meant it to; a slip of his temper edging out through his stone delivery of a reprimand.

“Just… don’t let him keep from being on time, okay?” Seokjin looks away from Taehyung before he can see his reaction and turns back to his work.

He wants to be done here already. He’s sick of seeing the satisfied look on that dickhead’s face.

“Sorry, hyung…” Taehyung repeats again, quiet this time. Seokjin rarely ever gets mad at him. “Won’t happen again.”

They talk, catch up, and bring up the name change while Seokjin just 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴. What is he supposed to do? They all seem to absolutely 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 the idea, they all 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 every word that comes out of Hoseok’s mouth, like he spits pure honey.

Seokjin’s had enough of fighting it - all he’s done for three months is fight and push back, and he knows it's getting to the rest of them. Hoseok’s got his claws buried so deep in all of them, now. It’s useless to try and argue against him.

When he finally pulls off his headphones and slides the set list over to Namjoon, he makes the mistake of looking up when he feels a familiar pair of eyes on him.

He meets Hoseok’s gaze, and sure enough, he’s already waiting with that smile of his that Seokjin wishes he could slap right off of his face. Smudge it out like a cigarette.

And just to make matters worse, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 to get under his skin, he goes and throws out a wink. Just for Seokjin, to top it all off.

𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘴.

“Alright,” Namjoon sighs a few minutes later. “So it’s near enough all settled, then. I’ll get the final set list fixed up tonight and sent out by tomorrow afternoon, and then we can start organising everything. Rehearsals, promo schedules, last minute meetings…”

He leans back in his chair and rolls his head to look at Seokjin. “I’ll talk to Yoongi about the name change tonight, when I see him.”

“‘Half Torn Hearts’...” Taehyung adds, somewhat wistfully with his head resting on his joined hands. “It sounds 𝘴𝘰 good.” He turns to Hoseok. “You’re a genius, hyung.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Seokjin can’t bear it any longer. He gets up, his chair scraping the floor with an ugly sound to match his ugly mood, and leaves the room. When the door slams behind him, he knows he’s made himself clear.

If they want anything from him beyond what’s laid out in his contract from now on, they can kiss his ass.

💜

The weeks leading up to the tour are a lot less hectic than they were all expecting. Or at least, they are for Seokjin. 

He’ll admit it; he intentionally withdrew himself from the others quite a bit after the whole debacle in the meeting room.

There's so much resentment he still harbours since they lost their old drummer and, after talking to Yoongi in private a few times, he came to the decision that it’d be better for him to take a step back from all of the business shit for a while and deal with his own problems.

Like how he can't look at their new bandmate for too long without wanting to punch something.

Seokjin doesn't 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 Hoseok and he isn’t a violent person — quite the contrary, he's a true pacifist and if it were 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 else, he would just get up and walk away from any confrontation.

He’s done it plenty of times with Taehyung, a passionate kid who lets his emotions cloud his judgement, getting him into trouble with his hyungs on more than one occasion.

But Seokjin would be the first to concede, no matter what. Yoongi's a good mediator, too, so he’d get them both to figure out their shit and they’d snuff out the fires within an hour or two.

With Hoseok, it isn't like that.

Seokjin’s only known him for a short while and somehow he just knows 𝘢𝘭𝘭 of the right buttons to press to get under his skin.

At first he thought he was just bitter, that he only disliked the guy because he was Jeongguk’s new replacement who would never truly match up to him and so Seokjin saw him as a useless, temporary fix.

Now, he knows it’s not just in his head.

Hoseok will look at him sometimes when no one else is watching and… it’ll be like he’s sizing Seokjin up. Pushing him with his gaze that never relents, 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 Seokjin to say something— 𝘥𝘰 something about the way he looks at him. Then he’ll just laugh it off.

It seems like it’s all a game, to him. The band, the money, the fans. He’ll lie about it to everyone else and act as though he’s grateful that he gets to be part of this, but then he’ll look at Seokjin, pull back the curtain, and show a glimpse of his true intentions.

It’s not some conspiracy Seokjin’s making up and tormenting himself over — it’s just the way Hoseok 𝘪𝘴. Maybe he’ll get to the bottom of it someday, maybe not. All he knows is that right now, they have a tour to prepare for.

The first tour without Jeongguk. And so Seokjin needs to just suck it the fuck up and get on with it. When the tour's over, if he still hasn't managed to subdue the tension between them...

Well, who knows. He can figure that part out later.

💜

"Twenty minutes! You've got twenty minutes, guys!" their tour manager shouts from the open door before rushing away again, probably to triple check that all of the technicians have done their jobs correctly.

The venue's green room is too bright and too noisy for Seokjin to fall down the rabbit hole of his own self-consciousness that bubbles to the surface before a show.

He's too distracted and it's a 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 thing — at least he doesn't have to worry about psyching himself out if he doesn't even have enough room to 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬.

The roadies are fluttering about, trying to make sure everything's ready so that the band doesn't have to do anything but wait.

Seokjin's sat in front of a mirror, gently playing with his lip ring and listening to the guide recordings of each song on the set list so that he can hear just 𝘩𝘪𝘴 guitar, instead of picking through all the noise of the final versions.

As long as Seokjin knows his spots, he doesn't have to worry about anything else.

Taehyung's beside him, huffing and sighing every few minutes as he tries to perfect his stage look with the help of one of their main stylists.

A couple mirrors down, Yoongi's sat with his body relaxed against the back of a chair so that Jimin can hold an oxygen mask up to his mouth and count him through his breathing exercises.

Yoongi gets pretty anxious before a show. Seokjin's never been able to help, despite trying, and so they had to start doing whatever they could to make things easier for him. That's where Jimin comes in; he takes care of all of them, 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 Yoongi.

"You good?" Seokjin asks when Jimin takes the handheld tank away and tells Yoongi to let him know if he feels like he needs more from him.

"Yeah," Yoongi nods, "wanna get out there already."

"Same." The jarring voice comes from behind them and before Seokjin or Yoongi can turn around to get a look at him, Hoseok's already draping his body over Yoongi's shoulders to wrap him up in a back hug. "Gonna lose it tonight, I can feel it. First show..." he trails off.

Yoongi tries to hide his smile but what's the point when he's already got that look in his eye? They all feel it. That thing Hoseok hasn't experienced with them until tonight; the thick, heavy adrenaline that clogs their veins and pushes them close to collapsing.

No one talks about it in the industry. No one tells you how fucking 𝘯𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 it is, waiting around to get up in front of thousands of people who are all there to see 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

"Are you gonna drink, hyung?" Taehyung asks Hoseok when the stylist walks away, just as Jimin is coming back with lukewarm bottles of water for each of them.

"Fuck yeah, I'll drink. During the encore, maybe. You know what I get like."

𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.

There's something dream-like about the first stop of a tour. It puts a cloak over Seokjin's mind and clouds him with intrusive thoughts that any other day, he'd easily be able to swipe away.

But it's true, and he's the only one who has to know, so who cares? Hoseok 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 look good tonight.

He's got on a sleeveless, black top from their merch collection that puts his full sleeve of tattoos on display, and since he'll be sitting down for the majority of the show, he's only wearing a pair of bright green running shorts. They'd look terrible on anybody else.

But what Seokjin's come to grudgingly accept over the last few months is that Jung Hoseok can pull off just about 𝘢𝘯𝘺 item of clothing. Especially with his slim, shapeless figure - he could wear a parachute as a dress and still manage to make it look intentionally sexy.

He looks good. There's nothing else to it. A wolf can walk with a deer and still be a wolf; it doesn't change its nature. It'll still end up mauling the deer, eventually.

"What about you, Seokjin-hyung?" Hoseok asks, then, turning so that his temple's resting against the back of Yoongi's head and he can look at Seokjin directly, his eyes twinkling with familiar mischief. "You gonna drink on stage tonight?"

Seokjin pulls his hand away from his bottom lip, letting it fall onto the counter in front of him. He doesn't know why he does it. Maybe because having his fingers so close to his mouth feels too... suggestive?

The thought casts over him and he takes a second to analyse it before he can even think about answering Hoseok's question.

He's just horny, probably.

And Hoseok's hotter than most people he comes into contact with these days, since Seokjin stopped going out to industry events and whatnot to work on himself before the tour.

It's just kind of fucking irritating that the person he finds the most attractive right now is also the person who 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 him take some time off in the first place.

"I don't know," he says, finally. "Depends how much fun I'm having."

"Oh, right," Taehyung interjects. He's got Jimin in his lap, now, the both of them having done away with all the mission impossible hookups behind their backs in favour of doing... all of 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 out in the open.

Seokjin's happy for them. He also wishes they'd go back to being a little more modest.

"Hyung gets all..." he pauses to lift a hand up to his temple and twirl it around in a spiral, "funky, during concerts. Tortured musician complex."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Seokjin says through a laugh of disbelief. "No I don't?"

"Yoongi-hyung," Namjoon interrupts just as Taehyung's about open his mouth and spew some more bullshit to tease Seokjin. They all turn to him and Hoseok pulls himself away from Yoongi so that he can get up. "Can you come here for a sec?"

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥.

Yoongi's their unofficial leader — the whole group decided before they signed their first contract that there wouldn't be any labels hanging over any of the members besides the instruments they play.

But because he writes most of their songs and deals with a lot of the tough shit behind the scenes, Yoongi's often the first point of contact with their management.

And right now, Namjoon's got this look on his face that says whatever it is he's about to tell him won't remain between him and Yoongi for very long.

"Hyung," Jimin pipes up as Yoongi's walking away, seemingly unfazed by the sudden rise of tension in the room. When Seokjin turns back to him, he's smiling as he curls his fingers through Taehyung's long hair. "Who are you making out with tonight?"

"Oh my god," Taehyung groans before dropping his head onto Jimin's chest. "Don't ask him that. We don't talk about it."

"Yeah," Seokjin quickly agrees. "We don't plan it, it's... you know," he looks away to fuck around with his own hair in the mirror now that they're minutes away from going up, "an 'in the heat of the moment' kinda thing."

"I saw that." Of course Hoseok would have something to say about it. "You go 𝘪𝘯, huh?"

𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

"It's kinda hot, actually."

𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

"Hyung?" Namjoon appears beside Seokjin out of nowhere, meeting his gaze in the mirror. His face looks a little green. "I've gotta talk to you."

"What is it?" Seokjin stands up but there's no point in it — Namjoon's eyes flit between all of them before he speaks. Yoongi's stood a few steps away, arms crossed, face pinched in apprehension. And he looks fucking 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥.

"I didn't want to—" Namjoon sighs as he cuts himself off, shoulders slumping before he speaks again. "Jeongguk is here."

"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵?"

At first he's fine. Jeongguk's at the venue — he could be right around the corner and it'd be the first time Seokjin's seen him since he quit, but it's 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦. He can handle it.

But then he looks at Yoongi. He sees the way it's already affecting him and the reality of it hits him like a fucking freight train.

Jeongguk is 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

"He's not coming backstage," Namjoon quickly tries to console them with his hands held up in front of his chest, urging Seokjin to calm down before he's even had a chance to get upset. A precaution. "He just came to watch the show."

"Did you know?" Taehyung asks from behind him and they get the answer immediately; Namjoon's a terrible liar. His arms fall, his eyes take this shape that makes him look like he's never seen a happy day in his entire life and his mouth opens to speak.

Seokjin cuts him off before he can.

"You gave him a ticket."

"He 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 wants to see you play—"

"Without him?" Seokjin can feel himself losing the hold he has on his composure with every breath he takes.

"So... what? So he can see how much worse off we are without him or something? So he can see if he made the right decision, kicking us to the curb? Fuck that."

A hand comes to rest against Seokjin's back and, for a split second, he thinks it's Hoseok.

But then he turns his head and its Taehyung stood behind him, shaking his head at him as though to say '𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦; 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵.'

"Hyung, look," Namjoon starts through a sigh. "He was going to find a way to come whether or not I made things easier for him. But he's not coming back here, I promise. You don't have to see him, you don't even have to act like he's out there—"

"Then why the fuck did you 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦?!"

"Would you rather I lied to you?"

𝘕𝘰. But he's too angry to say that to his face.

Instead, Seokjin turns around and finds his way back to his chair, removing himself from the whole thing so that he won't have any excuse to work himself up to something unbearable. He can't change it. Namjoon's already gone and done it.

His eyes find Hoseok in the reflection of the mirror, still sat a couple chairs away. He's turned towards them, giving them his attention if they need it but his eyes remain downward, looking at his wrists as he stretches them before the show.

Listening but not getting involved. It's almost as much of a surprise as knowing that their old drummer is somewhere out in the crowd a few yards away, waiting for them to come up on stage.

Hoseok's letting them hash this out without him because it has nothing to do with him.

Namjoon apologises again but there's no room for discussion anymore; they've ran out of time. He leaves them with a promise that he'll make it up to them and then he's gone, rushing from the green room with instructions to get out there in ten minutes.

"We're opening with 'That's What I Get'."

It comes out of Seokjin's mouth before the idea can be fully formed. But when it reaches his own ears, he doesn't take it back.

"Hyung," Yoongi whispers as he walks forward, "we 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵—"

"We are."

Taehyung turns to look at Seokjin in the mirror from behind him, too, his eyes wide with panic. "We've never played it live before! Are you crazy?!"

It's not a concert song. It wasn't on 𝘢𝘯𝘺 of their set list drafts; it wasn't even supposed to be released but they all agreed that it'd be therapeutic for them if it was. And it 𝘸𝘢𝘴. Which is why Seokjin thinks they need to perform it.

"We already have a set list," Hoseok adds all of a sudden, before Seokjin can respond to Taehyung. "You can't just change it because you feel like it."

He sounds 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘥 as he speaks, like he's seconds away from rolling his eyes at the entire situation and it just makes Seokjin 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘳. He stands up from his chair, nearly hitting Taehyung with his shoulder, and turns to look at all of them one by one.

"We're doing it. If it goes wrong, if we sound like shit, we'll make up for it. But we won't, so calm down." He takes a second to swallow around nothing, his throat too dry to produce anything but breaths and words.

"He needs to hear the song, so we're opening with it. You can hate me for it 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 the show."

Before they can say anything else, Seokjin grabs one of the bottles of water Jimin brought over earlier and storms away. He has to let their stage manager know about the last minute change.

💜

"𝘞𝘩𝘺'𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦."

The crowd eats it up.

"𝘛𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘯𝘢𝘪𝘷𝘦."

All the grief and emotion that they pour into their performance of the song that was never meant to be performed; their fans feel it, they respond to it, they 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 it.

They lost something, too, when Jeongguk left the band — they lost someone they looked up to and admired, some even lost someone they fell in love with.

"𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩."

So when Seokjin sings, gradually letting himself fall deeper and deeper into the pain that the lyrics remind him of, he lets his nerves go.

He plays so that Jeongguk will hear it and know that what he did to them — what he did to 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘬𝘫𝘪𝘯 — hasn't been forgiven. At least not by him.

"𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦."

He scans the crowd as the song winds down, pulling out through a loud, frustrated instrumental that doesn't let up in momentum — but the venue's far too big. It'll be impossible for Seokjin to find him.

He could be 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦; he could be up in the nosebleed section, he could be in a row off to the right of the stage, or he could be 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 altogether. Seokjin wouldn't be surprised if he was. They aren't exactly making this easy for him.

"𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵."

The song is over too quick but he feels like all has been said. Lyrics about feeling betrayed and fucked over by someone they thought they could trust.

Strangled notes of 'I should've known's' and 'I hope you're happy's'; poetic anecdotes that will remain between the band and never be fully known by anyone else. It's all out there, now.

As he steps away from the mic to take a deep breath, when the lights go down and the fans roar, Seokjin thinks to himself; 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘴, 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯.

He turns to grab some water from one of the tall speakers beside Hoseok's platform while Yoongi speaks to the crowd for him.

Seokjin was supposed to kick everything off, especially since it's the first night, but he just can't anymore. Yoongi can see how much the song has taken out of him, so he ticks off everything Seokjin was supposed to say, instead.

"Thanks for being here, thanks for showing up. First night of the tour and we're already making some of you cry."

He grins 𝘴𝘰 wide, baring all of his teeth and gums as he points to some people in the front row who have tears in their eyes, on their cheeks, mascara smudged beneath their lashes. Seokjin has to turn away when he spots them.

"We've got so much to do for you tonight so let me get the boring shit out of the way. I'm Yoongi, that's Taehyung, that's Seokjin, and the fresh face in the back over there is our drummer, Hoseok.

You probably know him pretty well by now but he's new to gigs like this, so go easy on him."

At the introduction, Hoseok stands up from his stool to feel the full force of the cheers that erupt from the crowd at his name — some of whom probably bought a ticket 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 to see him.

He used to be part of an underground team; a project band that switched its members out every few months to get fresh sounds with each new release.

Hoseok's name reached every corner of the industry that cared about real, 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 talent and not just pretty faces for shallow fanbases.

Although, Seokjin supposes Hoseok's got both of those.

Their label cornered him the same week that Jeongguk quit and gave him an offer before he'd even finished with his run with the project band. He signed the next day.

Now, here he is, stood in front of over 10,000 people who want to fuck him, be him, or both.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he says into his mic, his voice lower than usual, laced with teasing flirtation.

And then he does something that the crowd won't catch from where he's stood, talking in that voice that makes their already-warm bodies rise in temperature. He looks at Seokjin. "You all look 𝘴𝘰 hot out there. Hope you're ready for what we've got for you tonight."

Taehyung whoops into his mic as the lights go down again, but their eyes stay locked. Hoseok drops back down onto his stool to knock out a random beat that leads them into their next song and the sounds of the fan's screams pull at Seokjin's back.

They tell him to turn around, look away, look at 𝘶𝘴 — but it's impossible when Hoseok hasn't dropped his gaze yet. It's impossible when he's biting his lip, bouncing in place, blazing with provocation.

𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, Seokjin thinks. 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

So he drops his water, turns back and lets the crowd have their way with him.

💜

The rest of the show, for the most part, goes off without a hitch. There are a couple of technical difficulties near the end — Yoongi's bass gets cut off from their in-ears at one point — but they're all quick fixes that the fans don't notice.

Taehyung and Seokjin switch between their lines seamlessly and they both play their guitars better than ever, taking on songs that are way more difficult than any of the ones they've performed before.

Hoseok gets his moments to shine, too; getting several drum solos sprinkled throughout the set, each one making him sweatier than the next.

They have 𝘧𝘶𝘯. Then, faster than can make any sense, it's all over and they have to leave the stage.

The first concert of many; finished in the blink of an eye.

"Hey," Jimin greets Taehyung in the echoey chamber that takes them and their sweaty, exhausted bodies from the venue and to the green room. "You were 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨."

He lifts himself up onto his toes and wraps his arms around Taehyung's neck as he speaks, stopping him from going any further so that they can take a second to be with each other.

"Yeah?" Taehyung asks, and because they're impossible, they kiss. Right there, in front of all of the venue's staff but without a single care in the world for any of them.

"Come on," Yoongi says as he passes by them, patting Taehyung on the ass. "Plenty of time for that, let's go get drunk first."

An arm comes around Seokjin's shoulder, then, and as he turns his head to look at Hoseok as they walk, he doesn't say 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Neither of them do, either too tired or too high on the come down to find words that fit within the moment. Seokjin doesn't even have it in him to push him off or tell him to fuck off.

They only separate once they get to their private area where only their personal staff and security are permitted to enter.

They've still got so much to do before they can go to their hotel and relax for the night, so Seokjin just takes a bottle of beer that's handed to him and goes off to get changed, leaving Hoseok and the others behind.

💜

"And all that lighting design — just so well done, you should be very proud of yourselves!"

"Thanks," Seokjin says, amicably, to someone he's never met before. "We don't do... I mean, our light tech isn't here, but I'll tell her you said that."

The after-parties are usually fine. He'd rather do without them, would rather keep it simple and just hang out with his bandmates and the roadies and 𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 it's only ever like that.

But on important nights like tonight, kicking off a two-month-long tour, they have to play peacocks for the label.

And the label's friends. And the label's friend's families. And the label's friend's families fucking goldfish.

"Seokjin-hyung, come here!" Namjoon calls out to him from across the other side of the bar that they've rented out for the night, beckoning him over with his hand. "Let me introduce you to someone!"

𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙗𝙡𝙮 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰? he thinks as he apologises to the man— Jaehyun? Jaeeun? Who knows; he works for the label and that's enough to get him a free ticket to the 'Half Torn Hearts' post-concert extravaganza.

The night drags and drags, the free alcohol doing nothing to help. He feels so... irritable. All up in his head the entire night, even though he's supposed to be agreeable and charming in front of these important, unfamiliar faces.

Plus, now that he's tipsy enough, he can't stop himself from thinking about what happened tonight.

Did Jeongguk end up sticking around? Was he waiting to see if they'd invite him back to see them after the show? Did he only come to see if they'd all gotten over him?

He swims in it before his tired limbs can't hold him up any longer, the weight of his own body and mind pulling him under until it's too much.

Seokjin leaves without saying goodbye. He slips away from all the people around him when they're not paying attention, throwing his head back to drink one last shot of soju, then he's out of the bar and stepping onto the pavement.

"What are you doing?"

The voice comes as he's starting to walk away, cutting through the low buzz of Seoul's nightlife like a scratch down his back. He doesn't stop, too drunk and too drained to deal with whatever the fuck Hoseok has to say to him, and apparently, that doesn't work for the other man.

Hoseok pulls him back with a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and look at him in all his pissed off glory.

"These are the people that put checks in our fucking hands, you're just gonna walk away when they're all here to see you?"

"Are you—" Seokjin starts with a wince as he pushes Hoseok away. "Are you okay in the head? Who do you think you're talking to?"

"I'm talking to 𝘺𝘰𝘶, asshole," Hoseok spits. "Need me to call you 'hyung'? Sorry, 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨, but you don't get special treatment just because you're older than us — there are fucking potential sponsors in that bar—"

"Curse at me one more time, you little shit, I dare you—"

The door to the bar opens again just as Seokjin's stepping up to Hoseok, getting in his face with eyes that widened impossibly with each word that came out of his mouth.

How 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 he. How 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 he talk to Seokjin like that; as if they've known each other their whole lives? As if he has 𝘢𝘯𝘺 right—

"What's going on?" Yoongi appears beside Hoseok, shoving his way between their bodies that have become so close, one more step and Seokjin would be nose-to-nose with him. "What the fuck are you both doing out here? You know 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 in there is asking for you, right?"

"I know!" Hoseok all but yells. "I came out here to tell 𝘩𝘪𝘮 that. He's the one that thought he could dip out early."

"I 𝘤𝘢𝘯 dip out, it's not in my fucking contract to mooch off of the first person in an expensive suit that shows an interest."

"And you think that's what I'm doing?"

"I 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 it is."

"Stop it!" Yoongi cuts in again.

He grips onto the front of Hoseok shirt to stop him from getting any closer, the both of them riling each other up so much that, if they'd gone on much longer, there's no doubt in Seokjin's mind that they would've been close to blows.

"Both of you, grow the hell up. It's the first night and you're already so drunk you're getting in a fight? 𝘎𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱," he repeats. "Hyung, go back to the hotel. Hoseok, get back in with me. 𝘕𝘰𝘸. We'll talk it out tomorrow."

Like hell they will. He doesn't have to deal with this shit, he doesn't have to deal with 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘰𝘬'𝘴 shit — if the guy wants to suck every penny he can get out of the men and women in that bar, so be it, but Seokjin doesn't have to stay there if he doesn't want to.

And he 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰.

He walks away, not turning to look back once.

Walking the five minutes it takes for him to get to his private car parked a few blocks away helps fan the flames that the alcohol in his system quickly ignited, and as he's slamming himself into the leather seats, he knows that he'll 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 to make up for it.

He'll have to make his excuses and apologise to Namjoon, apologise to Yoongi, apologise to 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.

Not Hoseok, though. He 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 be the first to admit that he went too far with him tonight. Hoseok provoked him, so if he wants to make amends, he'll have to come find Seokjin, first.

💜

The hotel is one Seokjin's stayed at plenty of times before but never in a room like 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. Over the past sixth months, somewhere between their last tour and their most recent album, the band's popularity sky rocketed from the ground up.

They're not with a shabby indie label anymore, they're not a dirty little secret in the industry that are only kept afloat by their fans. No — now they have 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭, stupid money. Money that buys them hotel rooms like this without making even the tiniest dent in their paychecks.

It's as he washing his face in the huge, pristine bathroom of said hotel room that Seokjin realises he probably should've stuck around at the bar, after all. It's the least he could've done, considering all that he has, now.

He does what he loves for a living and gets spoiled for it, gets 𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 to for it, gets respect from businessmen and women who only want to shake his hand and tell him how much they 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 him for it.

Maybe Hoseok was right. Maybe he is an asshole.

He's still feeling pretty drunk as he presses his face into a soft white towel and sighs into the material, trying to think of the best way he can apologise to the others tomorrow.

He wonders if he'll be able to get some of it out of the way through a quick text to Yoongi tonight, before he goes to bed. As Seokjin's hanging the towel back up, though, intent on getting into the shower, there's a knock at his door.

Seokjin looks through the peephole once he makes it to the hallway, making sure it's not some weirdo stalker who's managed to figure out how to get past the security on their floor but... it's not. It's Hoseok.

Because of 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 it is. Who else would have the balls to show up at his room before either of them have had a chance to sleep off their intoxication?

When he opens the door, Hoseok stands up straighter and tries for a timid smile before bringing up a hand that's holding an open bottle of expensive red wine.

"Peace offering?" he asks, tilting his head to one side tactfully. Seokjin frowns at the sight of him.

"Did you just get back?"

"Yeah." Hoseok sighs quietly, lowering his hand. "I wanted," he shifts forward just enough to rest his temple against the doorframe, "to come and squash what happened before we go to bed. I can't stand going to sleep angry."

At that, Seokjin huffs with irritation. "Should've thought about that before you spoke to me the way you did."

"I know," Hoseok, to Seokjin's surprise, admits through a wince. "That's why I brought the wine. Can I come in?"

Is that really the best idea? Inviting him into his space when Seokjin’s still pissed off with him?

It's the alcohol that makes the decision for him; he knows it is. It makes him believe that Hoseok's being... genuine. Stood there, all but batting his lashes up at Seokjin, his mouth open slightly with his top row of teeth peeking beneath his bow-shaped top lip.

He’s got a light flush over his warm complexion, brightening up every sharp angle of his face and turning it into a sweet picture of booze-soaked nonchalance.

“I guess.” 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.

When Hoseok steps inside the room, he doesn’t immediately start spewing words of apology or even small-talk, like Seokjin expects him to.

No; he walks all the way inside, picks up one of the hotel mugs and pours some of his wine into it. He doesn’t offer Seokjin any as he brings the mug to his lips and glances around room.

“I thought your room would be bigger,” he mumbles, “but it’s the same size as mine.” Meanwhile, Seokjin remains stood at the end of the small hallway, silently waiting for Hoseok to do something. To start… something.

Once he’s emptied the contents of his cup, he walks toward Seokjin again and stands just a few steps away with his back against the wall, their bodies facing each other on opposite ends.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, hesitantly, after immediately looking down at his feet. “For… what I said. I let myself get upset and that wasn’t fair to you. You’re older than me and I should be more mindful of that.”

He speaks with such sincerity, it genuinely leaves Seokjin a little dumbfounded, making him take a second to respond. The 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 thing he was anticipating tonight was for Hoseok to 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥𝘦.

He’s always been arrogant, as if he knows something Seokjin doesn’t and has no intention of ever letting him in on it. Smug; conceited. All words he would’ve used to describe Hoseok if anyone asked, until now.

“Wow…” He doesn’t mask his surprise; he lets it flash over his face as he crosses his arms. “Uh— yeah. It’s fine.” He doesn’t know what else to say.

“It’s just… you know, I admire you a lot.” Just when Seokjin thought his eyes couldn’t possibly get any wider, Hoseok goes and confesses… 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.

Before him, the drummer he’s come to inwardly resent for the past four months has taken on this shy, honest demeanour that Seokjin has no idea what to make of. And then Hoseok continues speaking. “And sometimes… I don’t know how to act? When we’re alone together and you…”

He trails off, but Seokjin believes he understands. He gets it. Stupidly, ashamedly — of 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 Hoseok picked up on it.

The thought that maybe he's always known about this private, concealed part of his feelings toward him makes the back of Seokjin’s neck and ears heat up.

“Hoseok—“

“I shouldn’t even be...“ he quickly interrupts, not finishing his sentence before he starts another. “But sometimes I feel like you want nothing to do with me and,” finally, he lifts his head, “and I wonder if that’s all it is. If you just hate me.”

Seokjin goes to open his mouth to speak but nothing comes out; no denials, no quick-fire changes in subject to stray them off this path that no good could possibly come of. He can say 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

“So, do you?” Hoseok asks, stepping closer as he bites his lip, still looking all feeble and nervous. “Or is it something else that I probably shouldn’t say out loud?”

“I—“ Seokjin begins through a whisper as Hoseok’s gaze drops to his mouth and back up to meet his eyes again.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. “I don’t know... I don't—"

“Yeah,” he whispers back, stepping up so close that Seokjin can almost feel his breath against his face. “Me neither…”

It only takes one more second to make a decision, and then they’re both closing their eyes. Seokjin inhales so deep, he can smell the wine that was just on Hoseok’s tongue.

He leans his head in close, waiting for Hoseok to fill the space between them, 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 for him to press their lips together…

But he doesn’t.

Instead of a heart-shaped mouth against his own, all Seokjin feels is a breath against his cheek that turns into several, quick huffs.

Hoseok’s 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

When Seokjin opens his eyes, his brows drawn together in frown filled with confusion, Hoseok’s pulled away enough to snicker into his hand, eyes crinkled at the edges in his apparent amusement.

“I knew it,” he says, shaking his head.

“What—“

“You. I 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 I had you figured out.”  

As he steps back so that they can look at each other more directly, Seokjin attempts to hold his composure together. His whole body… it’s thrumming with something so unlike him. He’s 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥.

“This whole time, you acted like I was this… this parasite. Infecting the band, or whatever. But that’s not true, is it?” His amusement lessens, then, as his grin lowers into a knowing smirk. “You just wanted to fuck me.”

He’s just about to deny it, like he should’ve 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘳, before any of this should've happened — but Hoseok holds up a hand to stop him before any words can come out.

“Don’t worry, I’m not blackmailing you. I'm not stupid. I just wanted to know.” He shrugs and tries to make himself appear sincere, meeting Seokjin’s gaze head-on — but he’s broken it.

He’s thrown the moment, the entirety of it, onto the ground and watched as it shattered into a million pieces. He laughed at the sound of it smashing in Seokjin's face. “I really meant what I said. I just didn’t think you’d make it this 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺.”

Of course this is all he wanted. Of course he never truly cared about the way Seokjin felt. ‘𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥'; as 𝘪𝘧 Seokjin could possibly believe him, now.

“This was all just a joke to you, then.”

“Mmm,” Hoseok hums, “kind of. You’re fun to fuck around with.”

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

It's so much worse than it could’ve been if Hoseok had been wrong. If Seokjin hadn’t been so transparent around him.

Each time Hoseok pressed and 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 at his composure, he only ever made it more obvious that he was harbouring an attraction toward him that he couldn’t push down, and so he replaced it with contempt. He’d even convinced himself that that was all it was, for a while.

All it took was one fucking crack in Hoseok’s resolve; 𝘰𝘯𝘦 admission that he’d done something wrong and that he actually cared about Seokjin in some capacity, and Seokjin was already offering himself up to him. He was right; he 𝘪𝘴 a fucking parasite.

“Guess you have a thing for drummers, huh?”

The suggestion throws Seokjin out of his cloud of self-pity and throws him right back to where he is, to 𝘸𝘩𝘰 he’s with.

“Shut up.”

Hoseok doesn’t listen.

“Are you gonna do all the things you did to him to me, too?”

“I said,” Seokjin growls as he pushes Hoseok back against the wall, “𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘱.”

It’s a mess. They’re both still a little drunk and Seokjin can feel his resolve slipping the longer he looks at Hoseok, despite the venom spilling from his lips in an attempt to get even more of a rise out of him.

It’s all there, in his eyes; he wants to bring the absolute 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 out of Seokjin, wants to see him reach his limit because it’s so goddamn amusing for him.

As Seokjin’s bracing Hoseok’s body with his arms, as he’s crowding him in with nowhere else to go, Hoseok brings his hands up to Seokjin’s t-shirt and twists his fingers into the material. Pulling him 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳. Smiling as he looks down to his mouth.

“Make me…” he whispers, “𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨.”

Is there any point in resisting, now? Is there any point, now that he knows that it’s what Hoseok wants? When he’s already made it clear that 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 it’s also what Seokjin wants?

There’s so much amusement in his eyes still, but only on the surface. The way Hoseok’s chest rises and falls far too fast, the way his mouth only closes so that he can swallow over the anticipation he’s trying to mask from Seokjin’s view.

It’s like a game of chess. He wants Seokjin to make the first move.

So he does.

He brings his hands up to Hoseok’s jaw and pushes his head back, tilting it up with him thumbs against the sharp line of his jaw.

As his mouth opens on instinct, so does Hoseok’s, his breaths fanning over Seokjin’s face again now that he’s moving in closer, giving Hoseok nowhere else to go this time.

But because it’s a game, because Seokjin wants the upper hand, he doesn’t move — not at first. He just stays like that; their noses barely touching; Hoseok’s fists gripping so hard onto his t-shirt, he’s probably stretched out the material by now.

A sound comes out of his mouth and it could’ve been the start of a word, it could’ve been a whine, but Seokjin will never know. He cuts it off with his mouth, finally closing the gap, 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 kissing Hoseok quiet.

🔞 explicit scene following the previous reply // minors dni 🔞

privatter.net/p/7278160

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨 💜

Waking up after the first night on tour feels the exact same as waking up from a hangover. It does a number on your muscles, on your voice, on your 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥...

Waking up after the first night on tour 𝘢𝘯𝘥 a night of pretty rough sex… Well, needless to say, Seokjin’s body absolutely pays for it.

He showers after dragging himself from his bed, grabs what he needs for the day, texts his mom since he forgot to after the show... Then he’s out of his hotel room, leaving behind all traces of what he and Hoseok did the night before.

The thing is, they can’t tell anyone. It’d be too messy — especially since they don’t even 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 each other — and too much of a chore to justify to the people who would give them shit for it. People like Namjoon, for example.

He’s a great manager. The best, truly. But he’s seen what can happen when inter-band relationships go south — they 𝘢𝘭𝘭 have — and Seokjin doesn’t want to have to listen to any lectures about it ever again.

It was only one night. They got it out of their system. It never has to be brought up again.

💜

“Morning,” Yoongi greets him sleepily from where he’s stood in the hotel lobby, his back pressed up against a wall as he waits for the rest of the team to come down.

“Hey. Sleep well?”

“What do you think?”

“Mmm,” Seokjin hums, nudging his shoulder against Yoongi’s with an understanding smile. “You should take something. Don’t let it get bad, like last time.”

“Yeah I know, I know. I won’t.”

Tour affects them all in different ways. It fills them with the validation they can get nowhere else; all of their fan’s screaming and crying; their singing and cheering — they can’t 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 from a written review or a reaction video.

It feeds them all with the adrenaline and energy that it takes to perform almost every single night. But once it’s over, that adrenaline becomes really fucking hard to extinguish.

Sometimes, Taehyung gets irritable. Sometimes, Seokjin gets emotional. Almost always, Yoongi finds it impossible to get any sleep at all.

“Goo-ood morning, everyone!” Jimin appears from the front of the lobby, then, carrying enough bags of coffee to caffeinate a small country.

The rest of the roadies who have all gathered to wait for the others thank him with sighs of relief, iced americanos getting passed over people's heads and shoulders.

“Have you heard from Namjoon-hyung and Hoseok-hyung yet?” Jimin asks as he brings over Seokjin and Yoongi’s drinks.

“Not yet,” Yoongi replies after taking his first sip. “What about Tae? Did he come down already?”

Seokjin’s glad took the question. He’s… not great at hiding his embarrassment. He’s good at containing 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 of his feelings, he’s amazing at that — you could put him beside a brick wall and not be able to tell the difference.

But when he’s embarrassed about something or put on the spot, or being given extra attention that he’s not prepared for… his ears betray him. Like fucking devils on his shoulders, giving away all of his dirty little secrets.

He knows that if Jimin had looked to him with the question ‘have you heard from Hoseok?’, he wouldn’t have been able to stop them from heating up in shame.

“He’ll be down soon, I’m sure. I didn’t let him sleep in.”

“You stayed with him, then?”

With an eye-roll and a barely concealed grin, Jimin shrugs his shoulder and turns around so that he’s stood next to Yoongi, too. “Yeah, obviously.”

𝘖𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺.

Jimin’s so lucky he’s not in the band. He and Taehyung are already getting away with so much shit that he and Hoseok could 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳—

Seokjin cuts off the thought right before it can reach the end of wherever it was headed. There is no ‘he and Hoseok’. He’s just tired and probably still high on the post-sex endorphins.

By the end of the day, he probably won't even remember what Hoseok sounded like last night.

Eventually, everyone else makes their way to the lobby — including Namjoon, who starts herding all of the roadies out toward the parking lot so they can get a head start to the venue. The only person they end up having to wait for is Hoseok. Because of 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 it is.

He comes out of an elevator with a baggy shirt hanging off of his slim frame, his hair dark and wet from the shower he likely 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 came out of.

When he meets the gazes of his bandmates, he seems (possibly for the first time since Seokjin met him) genuinely apologetic. And 𝘥𝘰𝘨 tired.

He's got a pair of dark, shadowy bags beneath his eyes that only look worse as he approaches them, revealing what could have only been a terrible night of no sleep or a wicked hangover.

Seokjin knows it's probably both, though. He'd been there for most of it.

"No shorts today?" Jimin asks playfully once they've all said good morning, making Seokjin inwardly wince at the question.

𝘏𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦.

"Uh," Hoseok starts, running a hand through his damp hair. "No. Got kinda chilly yesterday, so... just jeans for me. For now." With a sigh that Seokjin almost mirrors with his own relief at the dodge, Hoseok brings a hand up to Yoongi's shoulder and squeezes once.

"Hyung, sorry about last night. I was out of line. Won't happen again."

𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘵, Seokjin thinks. He forgot all about the fight. He didn't even 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵 Yoongi — Hoseok had been at his door before he even had a chance to. And then... well. And 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯.

"Yeah," he jumps in before he can think better of it. "Me too. I won't— you know. I won't just walk out like that again." The words come out all quiet and muffled, trying not to draw too much attention to himself as Taehyung and Jimin head out together at Namjoon's insistence.

It's fine, though; Yoongi just smiles up at them both before pushing himself off of the wall, the trio starting off toward the hotel's entrance together. "S'okay. I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about the two of 𝘺𝘰𝘶 making up before the gig tonight."

"Oh, it's all good," Hoseok states. "We already got over everything last night."

"You talked it out already?"

"Yeah." With a crooked smile, Hoseok cuts a look toward Seokjin. "No hard feelings, right hyung?"

He can't tell if he's still playing games. If this is part of it. Last night... it was all on Hoseok's terms. All because 𝘩𝘦 wanted Seokjin to react and he 𝘩𝘢𝘥 because—

Because he's attracted to Hoseok. Has been for a while, now.

Maybe it's fuelled by the weird dynamic they have, maybe he's starved for something real that he's willing to take whatever's closest and available. Maybe he's just bored.

But whatever's happening, the others can't know, and so entertaining it behind closed doors has to be shut down before Hoseok can even plant the seed.

So, he looks at Hoseok. Meets his eyes for a moment, and then shuts himself off. Closes off any emotion that could possibly be showing on his face before he nods, just once, and agrees.

"Right."

💜

The first leg of the tour comes and goes, the band finishing up their 4-day stop in Seoul before heading south to Daegu, Yoongi's hometown.

The whole time, the band is far too busy and far too tired to think about what the fuck they're going to 𝘦𝘢𝘵 every day, let alone what they all did on the very first night of the tour.

Seokjin doesn't let himself get caught up in his feelings about 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, including the ones he has about his night with Hoseok, including the ones he has about Jeongguk coming to their show. He hasn't had a chance to properly digest 𝘢𝘯𝘺 of that, yet.

He knows that talking to Yoongi would probably help; the two talk to each other about everything that's going on in their lives; in their heads. That way, things can stay just between them, like a religion-free confessional.

Seokjin could go to him, vent about what's weighing on his mind and immediately feel so much better for it — 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 for getting something off of his chest. Right now, though, there's no time.

Plus, absolutely no fucking privacy.

Even on the trip down to Daegu, they've all been packed into a bus with only an empty row to separate each of them.

He should be grateful, though; at least it's a step up from the last tour, when they all had to smush together like sardines into a tiny van to get from point A to point B.

It's during the 4 hour drive that he gets a text from Hoseok, who's sitting at the very back of the bus, the furthest away from Seokjin.

Frowning, Seokjin thinks about lifting himself up in his seat to look over at him, maybe throw out a dirty look for good measure.
He doesn't, though, because screw it. He's curious.

The follow up comes through almost immediately.

When the picture comes through, Seokjin has to hold his breath in fear of letting out a sound that won't go unnoticed.

He closes out of the messaging app and chances a subtle glance toward Namjoon, who's sitting in the row beside his own. When he sees him fast asleep, dead to the world, he opens it up again.

It's a picture of Hoseok's thighs, probably taken this morning — and they're covered in bruises. The same bruises Seokjin's own mouth and teeth marked onto his skin. Some look better than others, but there are a couple further down, near the inside of his knee that look...

He has to swallow around the spit that's pooled into his mouth. And then 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 text comes through.

He takes another breath and sits up in his seat, trying 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 to resist the urge to look behind him at the man sending him these texts. What's he supposed to say? Where is this 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?

𝘐𝘴 𝘩𝘦... 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸?

Seokjin frowns down at his phone at the idea. It wouldn't be the worst thing he's done around his bandmates.

Hell, Jimin and Taehyung have been whispering to each other for the past hour — who knows what they're doing back in their row. Seokjin almost shudders at the thought.

Hoseok's probably just toying with him again. It wouldn't surprise him at all, in fact, and so instead of shutting it down, he plays along.

For a few minutes, nothing else happens. He doesn't get any new texts — Hoseok leaves him on read, and so he locks his phone again, thinking that's more or less the end of it.

But then his phone vibrates against his thigh and he opens up it so fast, he doesn't even realise he's rushing until the text is open.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯? Seokjin asks himself. Come and find him for 𝘴𝘦𝘹?

Before he can let his imagination fill in the blanks with ideas that will only send him down a rabbit hole he won't be able to pull himself out of, he decides it'll be better to simply ask.

He lets his frustration cloud over everything else he's feeling right now, and it helps with... whatever all of 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 is. Whatever Hoseok's playing at.

He doesn't need to 'reread the convo'. He understands perfectly well, now. Hoseok wants Seokjin to come and find him tonight so that they can pick up from where they left off at the hotel.

The problem with that, though, is that Seokjin 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 himself he wouldn't let it happen again.

Sex is almost always bound to happen when you're with the same people in close quarters for extended periods of time. 𝘌𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 since they have a 'no groupies and no strangers' rule between them, as a band.

It's not written into their contracts or anything; it's more of an agreement that they brought up on their first tour and have each upheld ever since.

Bringing randoms to their hotel rooms could not only ruin their image and reputation if the people they brought back turned out to be fans of the band. It could also make things incredibly complicated if it were to become anything more than just sex.

They're trying to be professional. They're 𝘢𝘭𝘭 trying to make this thing last.

Yoongi's made it clear that he doesn't need sex to satisfy himself and Taehyung's found something with someone they've all known for years, so there's no issues there.

Seokjin, though — he's got a history of fucking things up, after everything that happened with Jeongguk. And he doesn't want that history to repeat itself.

This thing with Hoseok isn't the same, though. It's not painted in any infatuation, it's not a crush, it's not 𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤. And isn't that the best way to get over someone, anyway? To fuck them out of your system?

𝘑𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵. Seokjin puts the phone down again and looks out of the window beside him, using the hand that isn't holding his phone to cover one of his glowing ears. How can Hoseok be so 𝘣𝘰𝘭𝘥? He has to admit; he can't help but admire his confidence.

For arguments sake, say he 𝘥𝘪𝘥 agree to this. What was Hoseok expecting to happen? That Seokjin would wait until he's drunk enough to not care, seek Hoseok out in a party full of people they know and respect and then... what?

They'd fuck in the bathroom? Get each other off under a blanket? It'd be 𝘴𝘰 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴, not to mention irresponsible.

As if prompted by his own thoughts, something that sounds a lot like a wet, sloppy kiss comes from the row behind him where Taehyung and Jimin are sat together.

It reminds him of the same reasoning he'd used to convince himself to even have this conversation with Hoseok in the first place.

He's done a lot worse in front of his bandmates. They all have.

He immediately rolls his eyes at Hoseok's predictability, because of 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 he'd dare Seokjin to fuck him.

That's the one thing he's kept consistent since the day they met; that cockiness, that commitment to having the upper hand over Seokjin until he gets his way. And god dammit, if he doesn't make it so fucking easy for him.

Instead of responding, Seokjin switches his phone to 'do not disturb' and pockets it into his jeans, hopefully leaving Hoseok to wonder for the rest of the day about what he's actually going to do.

As they drive past a sign that lets them know they're just a few miles out from Daegu, Seokjin thinks to himself; 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘭𝘦𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴.

💜

Yoongi's parents' house is pretty modest for a family home, which shouldn't surprise him. Besides, it's not the one he grew up in, anyway.

Once Yoongi finished middle school, he moved up to Seoul with his older brother, living with him throughout high school so that he could get into a good university like his parents wanted for him.

That had obviously all gone to shit, though, when he met Seokjin and then, a few years later, Taehyung and Jeongguk.

The two of them had become friends faster than could even make sense — they just 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 understood each other.

Seokjin had never had that with anyone before. He'd grown up pretty similarly; with an older brother who had done everything right, who had graduated college, gotten married and promised his parents that he'd give them grandkids in no time.

Seokjin, though... all of what 𝘩𝘦 had become wasn't exactly what his parents had planned for him.

There was a lot of history there. Too much to sort through in the middle of a loud living room full of people he loved and people he worked with.

But looking at Yoongi in the middle of it, meeting his best friend's gaze over their bottles of beer, he knew that he'd at least gotten 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 right.

He could've ditched the band after his senior year, could've gone to university and forced himself to hide the best parts of him, just to please his family. But he didn't. And he was doing pretty alright for himself, all things considered.

"You good?" Yoongi mouths at Seokjin from across the room and with nothing but a gentle nod in response, Seokjin thinks to himself; 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩. 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘢𝘮.

The night doesn't drag or overwhelm. It’s not much of a party, really — more of a celebratory get-together, frequently toasting to the hopeful success of their sold-out tour.

Taehyung’s been his usual, social-butterfly-self, fluttering from each corner of the main room to talk to anyone with ears that’ll listen. Jimin’s here, too, but he’s got his own friends to keep him occupied.

That doesn’t stop the couple from gravitating towards each other every so often, though, and Seokjin admires them for what they are: sickly sweet with whatever level of love they feel towards each other.

Who knows if it’ll last. He just hopes that even if it doesn’t, they’ll make each other happy until it ends.

Yoongi’s been by his own side for most of the night — he doesn’t talk to most of the roadies when they’re not at their shows, so there are only a handful of people he feels comfortable being around, socially.

There’s a few people from his days back in middle school who he kept in contact with, but for the most part, he finds his way back to Seokjin after every few minutes of small talk.

Seokjin hasn’t seen Hoseok since they all arrived together. Who the hell knows where he is, who he’s talking to, what he’s doing. Maybe he found a roadie to suck him off somewhere, giving up on getting Seokjin to play with him in favour of someone easier to bend.

Whatever. He probably dodged a bullet, anyway.

When everyone starts settling in, drinking their way past the initial awkwardness that most parties tend to start off with, Seokjin finds himself alone.

He’s stood in the entryway to the living room, having just grabbed himself his third beer, slowly making his way past sober and toward tipsy. He doesn’t plan on getting wasted, though — they have a show in two days, after all.

As he’s scanning through all the small groups of people in the large, dimly lit room, trying to find one of his bandmates to slip next to and join in their conversation, someone presses their hand against his lower back.

“Hey,” Hoseok’s voice whispers into his ear. “Looking for someone?”

It sends a warm shiver down his spine. Hoseok's so close, Seokjin can feel the line of his body pressing against him from his hips to his shoulder. But they’re in a room full of people they know, and so they can’t do this here.

He quickly turns, grabbing hold of the hand on his back to pry it away from him. “Wait,” he warns before turning around again and looking for Yoongi. He finds him pretty quickly — and he’s already looking right at them. 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘵.

Instead of panicking, Seokjin points to Hoseok, makes a ‘talking’ gesture with his hand, and then points to himself with his brows raised in a question. Yoongi seems to catch on and so he nods, pointing toward the empty rooms in the hallway behind them.

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘨𝘰𝘥.

They move into one of the rooms, Seokjin keeping hold of Hoseok’s wrist as he fumbles for a light switch before closing and locking the door behind them. 

"What are you 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?" he asks the second they turn to each other.

"You said I could come find you."

"No, actually, I didn't."

"Okay," Hoseok draws the word out sarcastically, "but you brought me into an empty bedroom, so what now?"

There's amusement written all over his face even as he bites his lip, as if getting Seokjin all flustered was exactly what he wanted. "Aren't you gonna take me up on my dare, hyung?"

Seokjin assesses him, dragging his gaze across his body. He looks as good as he always does, dressed in an all-black set — wide pants that reach his ankles, a t-shirt three sizes too big tucked in at his hip.

It's only sexy because it's 𝘩𝘪𝘮 wearing it; his tattoos, his jewellery, his skin, his 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 making it all come together and painting the portrait of a sex symbol.

But there's something off about this whole thing and Seokjin can't put his finger on it. They haven't talked about the night in the hotel room - they haven't even acknowledged that they've had sex.

And now Hoseok's just seeking him out? What gave him the push? Because it sure as hell wasn't Seokjin.

What if he's overthinking it? Maybe it's the anything-but-kind feelings he's had toward Hoseok, even up until the point where he was pulling him in for that first kiss. Maybe that's all just... getting in the way.

That still doesn't answer his question, though. What does Hoseok 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵? He's not drunk; not like last time and neither is Seokjin — and that's probably why it's so much harder for him to just give in to what's right in front of him.

"Why are you—" he starts, shaking his head and willing himself to just 𝘢𝘴𝘬. "What's the point of this? Do you have... an angle here, or something?"

"An 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦?" Hoseok widens his eyes and snorts through a surprised laugh. "Hyung— I just want you to fuck me again. Is it really that complicated?"

When he says it so plainly like that, sure, it seems obvious. But he could fuck anyone in that other room, they have 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘴 of people ready and willing to get laid with one of the band members.

Not even necessarily because they're 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 — some of them are genuinely into Hoseok. Seokjin knows because he's had to fucking listen to them whisper about him ever since he joined them.

"But 𝘸𝘩𝘺?" he asks again.

"Oh my god." Hoseok rolls his eyes and sighs, falling back against the closed door in annoyance. "Why does anyone have sex with 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦? Because it's fun? Because we're hot together? And because no one's ever fucked me as good as the way 𝘺𝘰𝘶 fucked me?"

The quick and honest admission makes him blush and Seokjin catches it quick, feeling his own ears heat up in response. But Hoseok's not ashamed. He's 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 smirking. "It's not rocket science, hyung."

It takes him a second to work his way through all that, mentally. His mind short-circuits, the tipsy part of his brain working against the logical side that's probably not holding up all that well after hearing Hoseok's words, either.

The sex they had... it was 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 good for Hoseok?

Who is he kidding — it was '𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥' for him, too. He didn't think they'd ever end up admitting it to each other, though.

After swallowing around nothing and clearing his throat, Seokjin looks away from Hoseok's dark eyes and glances around the room. "We can't... fuck in here."

"We don't have to do it on the bed." When Seokjin turns to Hoseok again, he notices how antsy he's become in his impatience; one hand raking through his dark hair and his right leg shaking restlessly.

Like he's been waiting a lot longer for this than Seokjin thought. "Just... like, fuck me up against a wall or something."

𝘐𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦? He must be, or else why would he sound like that? Breathless, a little rough around the edges.

Why would he look like that? As if having Seokjin's body against his own would settle something in his mind and make him pause, make him slow down.

He's only ever seen the guy like this before a concert — full of energy, hungry for the adrenaline that a performance would give him.

It makes Seokjin hesitate.

And when he does, Hoseok notices.

"You can say no." Immediately, almost as quick as Seokjin had flicked on the light to the room they're both stood in, Hoseok loses some of his ever-present cockiness. He deflates, eyes softening with something that 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 like worry.

He deflates, eyes softening with something that 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 like worry. "I'm— the pushy thing, it's just for fun. I mean it, hyung, I don't wanna force—"

Because it's getting a little too real; because they're a little too close to having a genuine, adult conversation, Seokjin moves forward and kisses him. Shuts him up, the same way he did the very first time their lips touched back in Seoul.

🔞explicit scene following the previous reply // minors dni 🔞
privatter.net/p/7321858

They make it out of the room not too long later, when Hoseok's finally come to. Seokjin's still not entirely sure if he's ready to be left alone, so he stays close, at least until Hoseok tells him to fuck off.

As they're walking out toward the main room, Hoseok turns his head and smiles briefly.

"So, we're good?" When Seokjin doesn't catch on right away, he stops walking before they get too close to being heard. "To... you know. Talk more often?"

He thinks about it. What they just did... that can't happen again. It's too risky. But they both know that it doesn't have to be like that. They have hotel rooms, they have privacy, they have free time in between shows — sometimes whole days between them to do whatever they want.

Maybe it'd be good for him. Maybe sleeping together can smooth out the rough edges between he and Hoseok.

When he looks out at the people in the party, spotting Yoongi on the couch he left not too long ago, sat beside Jimin and Taehyung — they all look comfortable. There's no weird rift or hostility or 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 but affection between them.

He's only gonna make things worse than he already has for his band if he doesn't do something about the way he feels toward the man beside him. And he might've found a solution, so he 𝘩𝘢𝘴 to pursue it. Right?

"Yeah," Seokjin agrees, eventually, in a whisper that only reaches Hoseok's ears because they're stood so close together. He looks down at Hoseok's lips, bruised from the kisses 𝘩𝘦 gave them, and then nods. "Yeah, we're good."

"Cool." Hoseok smirks again, falling into that familiar cloak of confidence once again before knocking his knuckles against Seokjin's hip. "Text you later, then."

He walks into the room and settles himself in between Yoongi and Jimin, inserting himself into the conversation as if he'd been there all night. As if he only left for a bathroom break, and not so that he could beg Seokjin to fuck him.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨? Seokjin thinks. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?

💜

Hoseok starts asking Seokjin to hook up almost every night for two weeks. And at first, it's fine.

The hostility between them hasn't completely faded and so the sex is just as meaningless, just as shameless as the first time.

Hoseok will usually text him after a show or pull him aside as they're making their way up to their rooms and ask, flat out, '𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?'. And every time, Seokjin will say yes.

They'll spend a few hours roughing each other up, taking what they want, bringing each other to mutual satisfaction. They spend their nights together discovering things that they like, things they don't like, things they've never tried before.

For the most part, though, they just fuck. And then Hoseok leaves. There's not much more to it than that.

It's when Seokjin starts paying more attention to Hoseok when they're not alone together that things between them start to get a little... weird.

It's not that they both suddenly decided to stop hating each other or anything like that. It's as if the sex and the physicality gradually pulled it out of them, turning that bitterness — tuning 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘬𝘫𝘪𝘯'𝘴 bitterness — into pliant, taffy-like desire.

He realises it when the band are all sat together on an empty stage in Gwangju, waiting for Namjoon to show up so that their rehearsal can start. Jimin's with them, telling them a story they've all heard before — all but Hoseok. And he's 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 it.

It's a good story; one about the first time Jimin got drunk in high school and ended up on a train to Yeosu, under the wings of a group of old ladies who kept calling him 'peanut'.

The way Jimin tells it, imitating each of the old women like a true performer, makes Hoseok laugh louder than Seokjin thinks he's heard 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 laugh.

He stretches his legs out, falls back and clutches his side in pain, his cackles echoing throughout the large venue and surrounding him like rain.

It's when Seokjin hears that sound, takes it in, that he realises what's happening.

He's becoming 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵.

Every night, it seems to get worse — he discovers tiny little details about Hoseok that he never paid attention to before. Things like... How focused he gets when they're practicing, his lips pursed with concentration that makes him seem at peace; almost gentle.

Things like how attentive he is toward Taehyung, who worships the ground Hoseok walks on. Hoseok compliments him 𝘢𝘭𝘭 the time, lets him know that he cares about what he has to say, gives him the attention that neither Yoongi or Seokjin always have it in them to give.

Things like his dedication to putting on a good show every single night.

His body when he stretches in the green rooms.

His eyes when he looks at their fans.

When he looks at Seokjin after a show.

And it's too much. He never agreed to this. The consequences of it, of being more than just attracted to Hoseok when they haven't even 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 besides sleep together. They're too much for him to deal with.

As far as Seokjin's concerned, Hoseok only wants him because he's the closest thing available and because he's the best lay he's had in a while. He can't let it continue like that when he still has no idea why the fuck he's had it out for Seokjin in the first place.

Why he decided to target Seokjin when no one was looking, drawing the 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 parts of him to the surface and making it impossible to be around Hoseok without wanting to break something.

And now, what? That's all just 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦? He can't stand not knowing why.

If Seokjin wants whatever it is they're doing to last more than just a couple of weeks without driving him insane, he has to confront him. Do what he's done since the start and just 𝘢𝘴𝘬. Maybe he won't like the answer, and they can just slam this book closed.

That'd be the best case scenario for him. Letting this go on will do him no good, anyway.

And with that, when Hoseok texts Seokjin on their day off, he already has a reply ready for him.

💜

Booking a table is a lot harder than Seokjin initially thought it'd be. Since he's a pretty high profile guest, though, the host makes it work, so long as they only stay for drinks.

He gets a table near the back of the restaurant, discretely tucked between a half wall full of decorative plants and a window that looks out at the streets of Gwangju.

Incidentally, they're in Hoseok's hometown and he's been visibly excited since they arrived. Their performances were just as good as they have been up until now, but Hoseok... anyone could see it, could 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 it when he played at the past three shows. He 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 here.

Seokjin only has to wait around ten minutes for Hoseok to show up, getting himself escorted to their table by a waitress who takes their order and promptly leaves just as he settles into his seat.

"Did you bring me here to wine and dine me?" he asks by way of greeting, that familiar air of pretension scattering off of him unattractively.

The rest of him, though... Seokjin can't wrap his head around how he manages to do it. How he can make 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 work as long as he's the one wearing it.

He's got on a pair of denim shorts with tons of shit dangling off of a belt loop, making all of him jingle as he walked through the restaurant.

On top, tucked into the front of the shorts, is a white t-shirt that's so big it could double as a tent. It makes him look 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭, he could probably give Jimin a run for his money.

But as always, as 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, he looks better than anyone else in the whole hotel. In the whole world, maybe, but Seokjin's not ready to crunch the numbers on that just yet.

His attitude still stinks; he doesn't deserve that kind of a compliment from him.

"I told you," Seokjin replies, "I wanted to talk."

"Yeah?" With a flippant cock to his head, Hoseok brings one of his legs up to cross his ankle over his knee. All casual, even as he says his next words. "If you wanna end things you could've just texted me."

It takes Seokjin a second to figure out whether or not he's joking.

"I'm not..." he starts, only to pause when the waitress comes over with their drinks. He frowns as Hoseok thanks her with a wide grin and, when she's gone again, he leans forward to speak more quietly. "I'm not ending things. Is there even anything to end, anyway?"

Hoseok considers that for a second or two and then shrugs. "I guess you're right."

𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥. 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮. Seokjin can see it in the way his smile suddenly doesn't reach his eyes, the way his composure has become forcefully relaxed, as though he's trying to convince Seokjin that he doesn't care.

When he downs almost half of his glass in one breath, Seokjin knows it's because he 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴.

"So what did you wanna talk about, then?"

"Your attitude towards me." 𝘕𝘰 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, he thinks.

He laughs at that, somewhat airily and drawls out his words as he replies. "Okay? What about it?"

"What about—" He can feel himself getting frustrated, but this isn't about to be like all of the other times they've tried to talk. He's not about to let Hoseok get under his skin.

"Hoseok, for 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴 you were a nightmare to be around. You still are, sometimes. Like right now, for example." Hoseok rolls his eyes and looks away, but Seokjin just carries on. "Why do you act like this? And then when we're alone— when you want sex, you're... different."

For a moment, Hoseok doesn't say anything. He looks at Seokjin, levels him with a gaze that's more open and honest than anything he's said since he arrived.

Then, he breaks it. Turns his head to look out at the view from the window and stays silent in thought, his leg shaking fitfully beneath the table.

Seokjin decides to be patient with him. He's missing something — Hoseok's not letting him understand what's going on in his head, and that's okay. Maybe he doesn't have a right to know what he's thinking. But he'll be empathetic, if that's what it takes.

"Why," he starts, gently, "did you go from acting like you wanted me to hate you to suddenly wanting me to sleep with you?"

The reply comes through a mumble against the rim of his wine glass. "The two can be mutually exclusive, hyung."

He still won't look at him.

"But they're not."

"No."

"So then clear it up for me." Seokjin sighs and leans forward. "We're past that shit, right?" When Hoseok does nothing, he repeats himself, trying to be considerate of his unfamiliar apprehension but also trying to get 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 out of him. "Right?"

"Yeah." Hoseok weakly confirms after finally chancing a glance at Seokjin. "Maybe. I don't know."

He looks so 𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘴, it's like he's a different person. Or just a different version of himself, and Seokjin's unsure of how to handle him like this.

"I told you," Hoseok continues when he realises that Seokjin isn't about to fill the silence. "That first night. I told you how I felt."

"Did you?"

"𝘠𝘦𝘴. I told you, I wanted to know if you really did hate me or if it was something else. When I met you—" he pauses to laugh, but it's weak. Pained. "You were 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 an asshole to me, for no reason. All because I replaced your ex—"

"He's not my ex." The sentence spills out of him on instinct and there's nothing he can do to take it back. But Hoseok just shakes his head.

"Fine. Ex 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳, whatever. I don't— I just wanted to make you feel like shit, too. If you were gonna hate me, I at least..." he waves a hand through the air, " wanted you to understand how it felt."

Seokjin mulls over all of that for a beat, wading his way through the fact that Hoseok even 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥 to confess to it in the first place. It's not what he expected.

"So... all of the cockiness and the—"

"No, the cockiness is just me. I've got an ego... that's just 𝘮𝘦. I'm like that with everyone, sorry if you don't like it." 𝘍𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴. Seokjin actually almost laughs — it's so honest of him and it's annoying because it's so goddamn 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦.

He is cocky, he 𝘪𝘴 full of himself and he knows it. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬

"The other stuff," he continues, completely unaware of how his words are affecting Seokjin, "being a dick to you and... pushing your buttons. Yeah. Did that on purpose."

"Because you wanted to get back at me for treating you badly." A wave of guilt hits him like a brick to the head. "Right..."

It gets quiet and Hoseok gets worked up again, like his own words are finally catching up to him. He looks around, eyes avoiding Seokjin altogether, and he can't seem to sit still.

"Can I go? If this is all you wanted to get out of me, can I just—"

"Are you okay?" Seokjin asks, concern overtaking his features as he leans forward to get closer.

"I'm 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦, I just don't like being ambushed and picked apart."

"We're having a conversation," he attempts to placate, softening his voice so as not to make things worse. "I'm not trying to make you upset. I just wanted to understand what was going on with you."

Hoseok finally looks at him. Eyes hardened, piercing through him as he asks; "and do you?"

They look at each other for a 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 time, the seconds passing by as though time has become a cyclone. Whipping around them, containing them to this one point, this one moment.

"Not completely," he whispers, finally. "But i'll try to. If you'll let me. And if you'll stop treating me like an enemy."

A rare sight appears before him as Hoseok drops his gaze, a dusting of a blush glowing on the highs of his cheekbones. He grumbles when he speaks, trying to mask just how flustered he really is.

"Being enemies is hot, though."

When he looks up, it's with that smirk that Seokjin's come to know better than he's comfortable with admitting. And for once, he can't help but smirk right back.

It takes a second, but Hoseok recovers with a deep breath. As he settles back again, running a hand through his hair, Seokjin wonders if this is right. He wonders if Hoseok is being truly genuine.

He has his doubts, but... the way he'd closed up earlier makes him 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 to believe that he's telling the truth. That everything ugly between them was just a product of his own behaviour. That Hoseok doesn't actually hate him, he just felt wronged by him.

Seokjin can accept that. At least for now, anyway.

"So," Hoseok starts, having found his confidence once again. "Can we go up to your room or something? Fucking..." he laughs, then, and Seokjin's can't get enough of the sound of it. "You made me all nervous, I feel like I'm gonna explode."

"Yeah," Seokjin agrees, quickly. So quickly, it's almost embarrassing. With a breath that turns into a laugh that turns into the energy that it takes to push him out of his chair, Seokjin stands up and takes his wallet out of his pocket. "Yeah, come on."

They leave together, avoiding as many eyes as they can on their way out, up to Seokjin's suite.

Whatever else they could possibly have to say to each other comes in the form of teeth biting at skin and hands roaming south, where gasps confess to far more than words.

The conversation weighs on Seokjin. He knows it'll continue to until they've found a comfortable rhythm, until they've figured out a dynamic that actually works for them.

But for now, this is enough. Hoseok's hands, his mouth, his body, his 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩 — it's enough.

💜

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 💜

When the band and their team were planning the tour, they made sure that their schedule was near enough bulletproof. Three to four shows per city, some with a day off in between, some with longer breaks after each leg.

This way, they can get to everyone and perform just about 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 without any long stints that could potentially throw off their momentum.

So far, it's been pretty manageable. They're used to performing by now — it's as easy as waking up and going about the motions. The aftermath can be tough, sure, but they deal with the comedown in their own ways.

What they're not used to, though, is performing for people who don't know them.

And the next stop on the tour is at one of the biggest music festivals in Korea. The Busan International Rock Festival.

"We're gonna crash and burn," Yoongi mumbles from where he's stood beside Seokjin, looking out at the enormous crowd from the edge of the stage.

Some band they themselves have never heard of is currently up there, doing their best to finish up their set list in front of an audience that doesn't care.

There are a few fans littered about that at least know the words to the songs, but their enthusiasm is completely drowned out by the 𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 of it from everybody else surrounding them. It's like watching a fucking shark attack.

"We're gonna bomb so hard. Why did we agree to this?"

"Stop it, Yoongi," Seokjin admonishes, shoving at his shoulder gently. "You're gonna psych me out, too."

"I don't think I can do this," he continues as though Seokjin hadn't spoke; as if he isn't even 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 beside him. "I don't want this following me forever."

"Following 𝘺𝘰𝘶?"

Yoongi blinks and finally tears his eyes away from the audience to look up at Seokjin, realising what he said.

"Following us."

"You're being dramatic." Seokjin grabs his shoulders, then, keeping his grip loose so as not to make things worse as he turns Yoongi away from the stage and pushes him back toward the waiting booth. Where they're 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 to be.

"We'll be on and off in the blink of an eye. It's not even a full set. Chill."

Seokjin has to be a rock for him. He's nervous as fuck, too, but Yoongi won't go out there if he thinks it'll ruin them.

They cancelled a show once before, when the band was just starting out. Yoongi's anxiety had gotten the best of him and made it impossible for him to set foot on a stage, let alone perform for the people that were waiting for him.

That's when they took his needs seriously enough to hire a team of people who 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 knew what they were doing when it came to mental care.

This gig is a 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘦 deal. It could get them a headlining spot at one of these festivals, someday. It's no wonder Yoongi's so fucking terrified.

Their management scored them a spot in the festival, the name 'Half Torn Hearts' squished in next to bands that Seokjin's looked up to for years, the posters of which are hung up all over the park.

They're not even on the 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 section — they've got a whole hour all to themselves up on on the main stage.

In front of all of those people that might totally hate them. In front of critics who are gonna tweet about their performance the second they step off of the stage.

Seokjin knows it's risky. He 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 this could make or break them, fanbase or not.

He also knows that 𝘩𝘦 has to be the one to push them out there to play their asses off, or no one else will.

In the waiting booth, everyone else is just as nervous. Even Namjoon looks like he's about to throw up on their behalf as he paces from one end of the tent to the other with his head bent toward his phone.

Taehyung's sat with Jimin on the floor, going over some stretches to get his body warmed up. He keeps stopping every so often, though, to huff and sigh out his frustrations against his boyfriend's neck or shoulder. And it's cute.

At least he has someone to take on some of that weight for him.

Hoseok's the only one who seems unfazed. Maybe that's the wrong word — he seems 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥, determined, but not at all anxious, as though this is a challenge he's been waiting to undertake.

As though that crowd out there 𝘪𝘴 the reward, not the reviews that will flood in tomorrow morning.

Seokjin respects him for that. With him, there's one less person he has to worry about.

"Hyung," Namjoon hollers from the other side of the small tent, where only a handful of their personal staff are waiting on standby for when they get off the stage later. "Recap for me."

He strides over to Seokjin with his long legs and puts both of his hands on his shoulders supportively. Although, the act seems to settle 𝘩𝘪𝘮 more than anything.

"Two songs, intro, three songs, water break, three songs," he smiles through a sigh, "then get the fuck off the stage."

"Cool," Namjoon exhales, "Cool, you got it. I trust you. Oh—" He raises his voice, then and pulls away to look at the other members to get their attention. "I spoke to the organisers, like, twenty minutes ago. They said all of our merch sold out this morning."

"No fucking way." Taehyung shoots up from the floor like a rocket. "𝘈𝘭𝘭 of it?"

"Did we even have much?" Yoongi mumbles, apprehensively.

"Actually, yes, we did. And yeah, Tae. All of it. So..." Namjoon looks at them all again, shaking his head with uneasy amusement before shrugging his shoulders. "You better put on a good fucking show, I guess."

"We will."

Hoseok's voice cuts in from behind Seokjin; closer than he was expecting him to be but not close enough to make him jump.

When they turn around, he's smirking — but it's not the smirk Seokjin's used to. It's not lined with arrogance; he doesn't look smug. He's confident. Confident in 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, in the band and in what they can do.

"Promise."

Once they finally make their way up onto the empty stage after the other band has left through a smattering of applause, Seokjin holds onto that look like a good luck charm.

And then they play. They 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 fucking play.

The crowd... it's hard to tell if it's all in his head, but something about their energy makes Seokjin want to turn around and fall to his knees. He could 𝘤𝘳𝘺, they're so into it.

When they took their first steps up to their marks, he looked out at the front row and saw tons of familiar faces. Fans who had come to some stops on the tour over the past six weeks, some who had even shown up to 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 than one.

But it's not just them — not just the dedicated ones who have supported them since they dropped their first single. Not just the ones who showed up just to see them.

He can see it in their eyes when they open with their most popular song. That recognition; '𝘰𝘩 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥? 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮, 𝘐 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.'

Seokjin feels it thrum beneath his skin. Even as he plays his guitar, it worms its way to the front of his mind. He lets the weight of it on his shoulders steady him; lets each complicated pick of the strings 𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘦 him until all he feels is the music he makes.

It's a cliche, one he's tired of avoiding, but he lives for this. For the energy around him; having people they don't know sing 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 back at them, word for word, while he loses himself in it.

He only gets brought out of that haze when they're performing their last song.

Yoongi wrote the lyrics - typical for him - and they dropped it just before going on tour. It's a song about fate and fame, about how he'll never be good enough, how he'll never truly understand why so many people can 'love' him when they don't even know him.

It's a good fucking song. It broke Seokjin's heart when he played it for him.

It's breaking his heart now, too.

The lines are split between Taehyung, Seokjin 𝘢𝘯𝘥 Yoongi, who takes the pre-chorus with his lower register, singing the lyrics that mean the most to him despite rarely ever leading their songs.

They harmonise together, dance on the spot, make it 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵. And then, just as they're about to slip into the vocals-only outro, something insane happens.

The music dips out; they all let go of their instruments and press themselves up to their mics to sing the remainder of the song together. Their harmonies overlap, forming a jumbled mess of lyrics that fall on the same beat — but there's no drums to count them off.

There's no beat. Instead, everyone in the crowd begins to clap.

They can’t stop, but Seokjin pulls his mic from the stand to look behind him at Hoseok to see why he’s stopped and— it’s 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

He’s stood up from his stool, a grin pulling at his cheeks, turning his mouth into the shape of a heart as swings his arms up above his head, guiding the audience to clap along. 

It’s perfect. It’s 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵, and they all know why.

He did this for Yoongi. To show him how much the band means - how much 𝘠𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘪 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 - to everyone in that crowd who is singing along right now.

When their set ends and they have to hurry off, none of them can say anything. They float down the steps together, the crowd's roaring applause licking at their backs like flames that Seokjin wishes he could bathe in — just for a 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 longer. Just for a moment.

But it's over, and it was everything.

The ending, especially, might have changed just about all that he knows about performing.

And everything he knows about Hoseok, too.

The drummer is pulling just slightly ahead of Seokjin, walking towards their booth that the others have already slipped into in their a haste to get to the staff.

"Hoseok," Seokjin calls out. Instinct. All of him is working on autopilot — it's like he's 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩 and has no control over his body, completely fuelled by adrenaline.

And so when Hoseok stops at the sound of Seokjin's voice; when Seokjin chances a quick glance around the space that they're stood in to make sure nobody can see them; when he walks the two extra steps that it takes to get close enough... there's no stopping him.

He kisses Hoseok.

Right there, in the gutter between the stage and the tents. He tugs him in by the front of his sweat-soaked shirt, giving him a split second to pull away if he wants to. But he doesn't want to.

Hoseok's hands immediately come up to frame Seokjin's face, guiding him into something deeper; something they won't ever forget, just like the performance. It'll be a part of the memory. Tonight, the show, the fans and this kiss.

They have to pull away before anyone can find them but when they do, neither of them lets go for a moment. They break the kiss and just 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬, because any words they could say right now would make no sense anyway.

Hoseok looks at him with an edge to his gaze, an interest that Seokjin can't quite decipher when he's got nothing to illuminate his features.

It's fine, though. It can't have been a mistake. Because despite the knowledge between them that they 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 to leave, Hoseok leans in again. Slower, this time, and for something much gentler.

He runs his fingers through the hair at the back of Seokjin's neck and presses a warm, chaste kiss to his bottom lip, as if asking a question. '𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴? 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴?'

But Seokjin doesn't have an answer. He just... needed to kiss him. And so he pulls back once Hoseok has lowered himself away from him, sending the barest hint of a smile his way before nudging him toward the tent.

"Let's go," he whispers. "We deserve a drink."

💜

When the band members are walking around the VIP section after their performance, drinking together in the afterglow, it all dawns on Seokjin. What he did. Where he did it. It envelopes him beneath a thick, hazy screen that he can't climb out of or wave away.

He kissed Hoseok in public, where anyone could've seen them.

It'd be alright if he were a nobody. He could explain it away, like he has done in the past. He's had hookups before, 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺, he's the lead singer of a successful band, it'd be more concerning if he 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 fuck around.

But he can't sleep with his bandmate. He can't sleep with Hoseok. If the managers and staff find out — if 𝘠𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘪 finds out that he's doing this again, essentially repeating history, he'll never hear the end of it. Who knows what they'll say.

Never mind the fact that it's not at 𝘢𝘭𝘭 like the last time. There aren't any feelings involved with this thing he has with Hoseok, it's just sex, it's just lust — but that won't matter to the others.

All they'll see is him falling back into bad habits; they might even believe that he's using Hoseok as a rebound.

So Seokjin knows... he 𝘩𝘢𝘴 to be more careful from now on.

But what if Hoseok thinks that what he did is okay for them to do all the time, now? What if he pulls Seokjin against him one night after one of their concerts, in front of everyone? They're not like Taehyung and Jimin — they can't 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 that casual confidence.

They're not committed to each other. They're not dating. It'd be so inappropriate.

For the rest of the night, he keeps to himself and no one says anything because they think he's just zoned out from the comedown.

Even Hoseok leaves him alone, giving Seokjin space and hanging out with some roadies once they all settle into a tent to watch the last few performances.

As he nurses the beers that get pressed into his hands, he thinks about what to do next. In the car on their way back to the hotel, he picks at his cuticles and frets over how he's supposed to make this better, 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳, for the both of them.

He only decides to text Hoseok once he's changed out of his clothes and into a pair of loose sweats, traipsing up and down the length of his hotel room in silence.

The reply comes quick, as if Hoseok was waiting for him to text, or maybe he had his phone open to call Seokjin to his room. That's how all of their hookups start.

Hoseok calls or texts and asks; 'you busy?' and Seokjin always says 'no'. Then, within 5 minutes, they're all over each other, hidden away from prying eyes in Hoseok's room.

'𝘐 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰'. God, as if Seokjin could ever forget. That second kiss was something else altogether. Something about Hoseok's eyes as he leaned in; it felt like so much 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 than what they're used to doing together.

But it was too brief and too dark to fully comprehend, so Seokjin can't ever know the meaning behind it. He's not that sure he wants to, anyway.

He sighs with relief and his shoulders relax at the speedy responses, feeling good about his choice to text instead of doing this in person.

They can be cold, like this. Hoseok doesn't have to look at him or roll his eyes, Seokjin doesn't have to second guess himself or his words.

𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘹, he thinks, repeating it to himself. 𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 a little off. Seokjin thought for sure that Hoseok would be down to see him tonight. They don't have a show tomorrow; Namjoon made sure to get them a day off after the festival since he knew they'd be drinking all night.

He was kind of looking forward to fucking all of this nervous energy out of his system. Hoseok's never said no, before.

Mostly because he's always the one 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Still, Seokjin gets it, and so he doesn't push or try to persuade. They might have a weird dynamic, they might still not really like each other all that much, but he's not an asshole. He'd never do that to Hoseok, or anyone else for that matter.

Seokjin tosses his phone onto his bed once Hoseok's final text comes through and follows it with his body, flopping himself face first onto the mattress.

He won't find sleep tonight when he's this restless. Maybe he'll ransack the mini bar if it gets bad enough.

And hopefully, Hoseok will come find him in the morning.

💜

[ small update úvù hope it wasn't too painful!!! we still have plenty of story to go so i'm sure u all expected some bumps along the way hehe
curiouscat.qa/seokjinhie ]