"The pager went off. I immediately answered. It was a voice I recognised, of my intern, but this time it was different. They sounded concerned. They sounded scared. 1/n"
https://twitter.com/dr_revati/status/1376973661563916292
"Hello" I replied "It's Jamal the Medical SHO, how can I make your day better?"
Silence.
Did I intimidate them with mentioning my lofty title? Potentially. I awaited the response.
2/n
Silence.
Did I intimidate them with mentioning my lofty title? Potentially. I awaited the response.
2/n
"OK... It's Adam, the F1 covering the elderly wards, sorry to bother you but..."
I stopped them there.
I couldn't hear another word after that phrase was said.
"Sorry to bother you."
3/n
I stopped them there.
I couldn't hear another word after that phrase was said.
"Sorry to bother you."
3/n
I went to pull this poor F1 close but realised I couldn't, as I was on the phone.
"Adam" I said, nuzzling the phone close to my chest in a warm and nurturing manner.
"Don't you ever apologise for calling me. We are all #OneTeam and you should never feel you are a burden"
4/n
"Adam" I said, nuzzling the phone close to my chest in a warm and nurturing manner.
"Don't you ever apologise for calling me. We are all #OneTeam and you should never feel you are a burden"
4/n
I heard a deep sigh over the phone, of what I can only assume was relief from the barriers of communication crashing down around us.
#civilitysaves
"Fine, there's a patient who's bloods I'm struggling to get, can you give us a hand?"
5/n
#civilitysaves
"Fine, there's a patient who's bloods I'm struggling to get, can you give us a hand?"
5/n
I heard the sentence and absorbed the request, but felt there was more at stake here.
I delved further.
"Adam. What's really the issue?"
Further silence.
"Other than you being weird? We've run out of butterflies so if you wouldn't mind bringing some up?"
Success.
6/n
I delved further.
"Adam. What's really the issue?"
Further silence.
"Other than you being weird? We've run out of butterflies so if you wouldn't mind bringing some up?"
Success.
6/n
"Adam, I hear what you're saying and it would be my honour to support and guide you through this."
A few mumbled words from Adam about "Duck Fakes" followed by the click of the receiver.
I put my phone down and off I went. Cardiac arrest be damned, my F1 needed my help.
7/n
A few mumbled words from Adam about "Duck Fakes" followed by the click of the receiver.
I put my phone down and off I went. Cardiac arrest be damned, my F1 needed my help.
7/n
As I'm bored of revision and this is the most creative engagement my brain has had in a long time, it's time for Act 2 of this particular tale of heroism.
Several minutes had passed and I still hadn't made it to Adam.
Was he OK?
Did he think I had forgotten about him?
Most importantly, was he tweeting about how unsupportive his team had been?
I shudder at the thought, and soldier on through my own fears to help him now.
8/n
Was he OK?
Did he think I had forgotten about him?
Most importantly, was he tweeting about how unsupportive his team had been?
I shudder at the thought, and soldier on through my own fears to help him now.
8/n
I stand at the doors of the ward, card in hand already unclipped from my belt (note, not a lanyard) and tap it against the lock.
The red light doesn't flicker.
I try again.
Nothing. Damn it.
One more go, it all rests on this.
Green light. Success.
I'm coming Adam.
9/n
The red light doesn't flicker.
I try again.
Nothing. Damn it.
One more go, it all rests on this.
Green light. Success.
I'm coming Adam.
9/n
I look down the ward where I see him: jobs list in one hand, a patients notes in the other.
My heart swells with pride seeing him hard at work.
He turns and looks towards me
"Jamal why are you out of breath? Wait, did you run here? It's literally just for weekly mon-"
10/n
My heart swells with pride seeing him hard at work.
He turns and looks towards me
"Jamal why are you out of breath? Wait, did you run here? It's literally just for weekly mon-"
10/n
"Don't fear for me Adam. More importantly, how are you? Have you had your lunch? Been for a wee at some point today? Are you happy?"
Further silence.
His lips tentatively opened before closing, trying to find the right words to reflect how he's feeling.
"Jamal" he begins
11/n
Further silence.
His lips tentatively opened before closing, trying to find the right words to reflect how he's feeling.
"Jamal" he begins
11/n
"Jamal, it's 1030 in morning, of course I haven't had my fu-"
"Then you must go for a break now."
"But there's 14 TTOs to do. All urgently."
"Go my child, I'll hold your list."
He walks away, occasionally glancing back, likely scared by the idea of giving in to help.
12/n
"Then you must go for a break now."
"But there's 14 TTOs to do. All urgently."
"Go my child, I'll hold your list."
He walks away, occasionally glancing back, likely scared by the idea of giving in to help.
12/n
15 minutes pass before his return.
"Thanks for that, which TTOs did you get done?" he asked
"None, a more important job came up. Thanking every staff member on here for what they do. Did you know Dave the cleaner is allergic to SHOs? Poor guy. Here's your list back."
13/n
"Thanks for that, which TTOs did you get done?" he asked
"None, a more important job came up. Thanking every staff member on here for what they do. Did you know Dave the cleaner is allergic to SHOs? Poor guy. Here's your list back."
13/n
"Fantastic. Thank you very much Jamal."
"I'm no hero. Just an ordinary person who's privileged enough to work with all these extraordinary people."
A bedpan narrowly misses my head. Can't get them to the patient quickly enough.
"Right then, shall we do these bloods?"
14/n
"I'm no hero. Just an ordinary person who's privileged enough to work with all these extraordinary people."
A bedpan narrowly misses my head. Can't get them to the patient quickly enough.
"Right then, shall we do these bloods?"
14/n
Act 3 coming soon. Ish.
14 tweets into this and I'm genuinely impressed of how people are able to stretch such banal acts of "not being a dick" into 30 odd tweets.
Obviously needs more self congratulations to pad it out.
Obviously needs more self congratulations to pad it out.
Time for the third act that no one asked for a story that no one wanted.
"There's stuff by the bedside Jamal, it's Doreen in Bed 12, here are the stickers, I'm going to crack on with these discharge letters."
It can't end like this.
How can I leave Adam to do these urgent letters if he hasn't been able to truly face up to adversity?
15/n
It can't end like this.
How can I leave Adam to do these urgent letters if he hasn't been able to truly face up to adversity?
15/n
I beckon him back from the computer he's just logged on to and he slowly trudges back, face despondent.
All the more reason to bring him forward on this phlebotomic journey together, his reaction at facing up to the challenge is visible for all to see.
16/n
All the more reason to bring him forward on this phlebotomic journey together, his reaction at facing up to the challenge is visible for all to see.
16/n
"Have you done them already? Amazing, tha-"
"I can't do them. Not when you have the chance to succeed and face up to the fear of failure."
"It's not a fear of failure, it's just failure. It happens."
Where does this pessimism in our trainees come from?
17/n
"I can't do them. Not when you have the chance to succeed and face up to the fear of failure."
"It's not a fear of failure, it's just failure. It happens."
Where does this pessimism in our trainees come from?
17/n
I hold out my hand.
"Come with me Adam. I will guide you and we'll get through this. Together."
He starts to walk towards Doreen. Alone.
I see now this is something he needs to do for himself and I respect him for it.
I follow closely behind to watch.
18/n
"Come with me Adam. I will guide you and we'll get through this. Together."
He starts to walk towards Doreen. Alone.
I see now this is something he needs to do for himself and I respect him for it.
I follow closely behind to watch.
18/n
I walk into the bay to see Adam putting a tourniquet around an older lady.
He spots me.
"Doreen, this is Dr Bhatti, one of my colleagues. He's going to give me a hand with your bloods."
I feel an uncomfortable stabbing in my soul as the hierarchy starts to unflatten.
19/n
He spots me.
"Doreen, this is Dr Bhatti, one of my colleagues. He's going to give me a hand with your bloods."
I feel an uncomfortable stabbing in my soul as the hierarchy starts to unflatten.
19/n
"Doreen, my name isn't Dr Bhatti, its Jamal, and I'm one of Adam's friends-"
"Colleague. Definitely colleague."
"-who will be supporting Adam and have the privilege of supporting you while we take some blood tests."
"YOU WHAT LOVE, LET ME PUT MY HEARING AIDS IN?"
20/n
"Colleague. Definitely colleague."
"-who will be supporting Adam and have the privilege of supporting you while we take some blood tests."
"YOU WHAT LOVE, LET ME PUT MY HEARING AIDS IN?"
20/n
As I stood and watched Doreen fumble with her hearing aids, I focused on her face.
Each wrinkle an etching in time of the fingerprint that is her life.
"Doreen, I respect you and the sacrifices of your generation. Thank you."
"CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THESE HEARING AIDS?"
21/n
Each wrinkle an etching in time of the fingerprint that is her life.
"Doreen, I respect you and the sacrifices of your generation. Thank you."
"CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THESE HEARING AIDS?"
21/n
I respected her by allowing her to continue to command her independence and put them in herself.
"Ah, that's better. Now, who are you and why do you keep staring at my face, have I got something on it?"
Such a humbling experience to not be remembered. My respect grew.
22/n
"Ah, that's better. Now, who are you and why do you keep staring at my face, have I got something on it?"
Such a humbling experience to not be remembered. My respect grew.
22/n
I reintroduced myself though her expression remained confused.
"By 'humble servant of mankind' he means another one of the doctors."
Her face brightened. Adam's clarification to address her non-verbal concerns was perfect.
23/n
"By 'humble servant of mankind' he means another one of the doctors."
Her face brightened. Adam's clarification to address her non-verbal concerns was perfect.
23/n
He proceeded to reapply the tourniquet and carefully look for a vein, examining her with the thoroughness of a sniper, just looking for his perfect shot.
Unfortunately the winds of doubts and buildings of fears towered in his line of fire.
24/n
Unfortunately the winds of doubts and buildings of fears towered in his line of fire.
24/n
"Jamal, I can't see a vein, can't you just do it?"
I wash my hands, don my PPE and approach the patient.
I put my 3 years of experience into action, and manage to find a vein in the most unexpected place: the antecubital fossa.
I hand Adam the needle.
"I trust you."
25/n
I wash my hands, don my PPE and approach the patient.
I put my 3 years of experience into action, and manage to find a vein in the most unexpected place: the antecubital fossa.
I hand Adam the needle.
"I trust you."
25/n
"You're kidding right? You're literally stood here? I've already tried the fu-"
"Adam. Take a deep breath, put the needle into the vein, and everything will flow from there. I trust you."
Adam turns crimson with adrenaline, ready to get his win.
26/n
"Adam. Take a deep breath, put the needle into the vein, and everything will flow from there. I trust you."
Adam turns crimson with adrenaline, ready to get his win.
26/n
He snatches the needle with bounding enthusiasm, telling himself the needle will be going somewhere soon.
Excellent spirit.
He plunges the bevel under the skin towards the vein.
Nothing.
He tries to reposition.
The flow of vermilion he wished for was not forthcoming.
27/n
Excellent spirit.
He plunges the bevel under the skin towards the vein.
Nothing.
He tries to reposition.
The flow of vermilion he wished for was not forthcoming.
27/n
I go forward to guide his hands.
The shock of such a caring approach from a senior causes him to accidently elbow me in the groin.
There's nothing I can do for him now, it's his time to fly.
28/n
The shock of such a caring approach from a senior causes him to accidently elbow me in the groin.
There's nothing I can do for him now, it's his time to fly.
28/n
More adjustments and more failure.
Had I pushed him too far? Surely not. I knew he could do this.
Then, a flash of claret in the corner of my eye. He's in!
A fumble for the bottles and those all important weekly bloods are collected.
29/n
Had I pushed him too far? Surely not. I knew he could do this.
Then, a flash of claret in the corner of my eye. He's in!
A fumble for the bottles and those all important weekly bloods are collected.
29/n
A click of the safety needle followed by "All done Doreen, thank you."
I jump up from the fetal position I had taken on the floor to congratulate him.
But Adam walks past.
No acknowledgement of our great victory.
He just carries on with his day
Which made reflect...
30/n
I jump up from the fetal position I had taken on the floor to congratulate him.
But Adam walks past.
No acknowledgement of our great victory.
He just carries on with his day
Which made reflect...
30/n
Do minor acts of everyday practice really need paragraphs of adulation told in excruciating details?
Who really knows.
Anyway, to finish, here's a photo of me and Adam afterwards.
31/31
Who really knows.
Anyway, to finish, here's a photo of me and Adam afterwards.
31/31
Some clarifications:
- Doreen doesn't exist.
- Adam is real but this story is entirely made up.
- The guy in the photo isn't called Adam and is a far better doctor than I am.
- I will not be submitting any other portfolio reflections ever I think this covers all of them.
- Doreen doesn't exist.
- Adam is real but this story is entirely made up.
- The guy in the photo isn't called Adam and is a far better doctor than I am.
- I will not be submitting any other portfolio reflections ever I think this covers all of them.
@dr_revati Dramatic enough for you?
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