You may or may not remember that I had a traumatic childhood including physical and sexual abuse. But in my adulthood the events that still traumatise me seem so benign in comparison... being forced to choose what was for dinner.
I wasn’t diagnosed as “Autistic” as a child but my parents - all of them, bio and step... were on a constant quest to FIX all of us kids.

I struggled to make decisions? Put 8 y/o Elise in charge of meal planning.
I had anxiety using the phone and wanted my parent to call first and transfer me to my friend? Threaten to make me call random people from the phone book until I got over it (I do not recall this ever being carried out but I was petrified that I would have to)
There is no hierarchy of abuses and all traumas are different. But in my experience... the sort of “conditioning” done in ABA “therapy”- being forced to revisit an uncomfortable or painful experience precisely BECAUSE I didn’t want to do so... is basically the worst thing.
And sorry sorry I forgot the trigger warning earlier but trigger warning for child sexual abuse

And when I say “in my experience” please note that my experience includes being raped by my dad. So like... it’s WORSE than that. Or at least has been far harder for me to deal with.
And I was never put through a formal ABA program! It was not done methodically. It was just my shitty parents deciding that my weird quirks were flaws that needed to be overcome and any fear or discomfort I displayed meant that I was a deep and ongoing disappointment...
ABA is abuse. ABA is traumatising. Even “modern, gentle” ABA.

This “therapy” is among the worst things that can be done to a child. And I’ve had some bad things done to me. So I do NOT say that lightly.

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More from @elisekumar

5 Apr
I’m really enjoying how INVOLVED everything is in Vintage Story. I had to knap a shovel out of flint to dig up clay to mould into a crucible and clay forms for my tools, find a bunch of surface copper, knap an axe and chop down trees and chop into firewood...
Bury my firewood to make a charcoal pit and then use the charcoal to heat the copper in my crucible to pour into the tool forms to make my first set of copper tools... then use THOSE tools to mine underground and find more copper
And chop more trees and dig more clay and make more charcoal and replace my broken tools to find enough copper to make an anvil... and THEN once I have made an anvil I will be able to smith a saw and then I will be able to build a DOOR for my house.
Read 5 tweets
4 Apr
My vintage story field accidentally turned into a trap for bighorns and now I am scared to go in there unless they ram me to death #vintagestory
Update: the sheep discovered a way out of my field pit when I stood on top of my house and threw rocks at them. They killed me twice before I managed to slaughter them all 🤪
I added higher walls to my field pit and no more sheep made their way in. I also dug a pit to serve as an actual animal trap but only caught drifters so far
Read 4 tweets
18 Mar
Today I want to talk about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It’s a common trait for #NeurodiverseSquad folks.

I’ve often seen it characterised as an intense fear of rejection. It may appear similar to social anxiety but it’s different in a few important ways.
Before I learned about Rejection Sensitivity I was pretty confused about how to describe my “social anxiety” which only occurred in specific circumstances... ones where I was risking rejection.
I love performing, I love being on stage, I even like improv games. I make excellent small talk with groups of strangers. But when other people already know each other and I’m new and trying to make friends? I freeze.

I’m not socially anxious... I’m rejection anxious.
Read 22 tweets
9 Nov 20
Autistic kids are often “managed” as though their issues are behavioural. I strongly disagree with this approach and my aim is never to make Zip “stop crying” or “stop making a fuss”. My aim is to solve the problem which is distressing him.
Let me show you what that looks like. From when he was very little Zip would cling to me and whine and chant “it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” in certain predictable contexts. When I was carrying him down a stairwell with a corner in it. When a big dog passed us.
And I realised he was using echolalia to soothe himself because “it’s okay” is what his father and I would say to him when he was frightened.

So I switched to saying “I’m scared” during those times. And then he did too.
Read 15 tweets
11 Aug 20
I just watched an episode of Connected on Netflix about Benfords Law. And the conclusion of the episode seemed to be saying there was something shocking or profound about why it applies to so many things or that it’s somehow “creepy” or means we don’t have free will?
And so now I am trying to work out am I too clever and think it makes sense that numbers work that way... or not smart enough to see that it means something profound (or sinister)?
I don’t know if I know anyone in Math Twitter but I’d appreciate any insight?

So. Benfords Law... from what I understand it’s about the distribution of the first digit of large sets of numbers that span several orders of magnitude.
Read 20 tweets
9 Jul 20
@SNeurotypicals Okay SO. In general allistic people have communication modes for “social bonding” and “information transfer”. They switch between them but there are socially coded “handshakes” to switch between those modes.
@SNeurotypicals Think of it like different connection protocols. These switches are subtle and an autistic reply using the wrong “protocol” causes the allistic brain to throw an error and they’ll perceive the autistic response as “rude”.
@SNeurotypicals So in this interview the interviewer flagged “this conversation is ending. Do you need it to continue?” And was expecting either “a request for information related to the job” or “switch modes to social bonding in preparation for disconnection”
Read 12 tweets

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