Spoke to a friend last night about a situation I’m in. And I’d like to share a bit of what was shared with me.

Friend basically said to me, “When you’re perceived as an ‘I don’t need nobody’ you can’t be surprised when not many people show up for you in hard times.” Hard pill.
But here’s the thing, which was my pushback last night. So much of me being perceived as fiercely solo and “needing nobody” has been others projections. Have I ever said or shown “I don’t need anyone” or do you not know how to support someone you can’t see beyond your projection?
What bothers me most about the framing though is that I shouldn’t have to “need” anyone to receive help and care. I shouldn’t have to perform fragility or vulnerability to convince anyone of my humanity.
The function of community should be that individuals know there’s care, not that individuals have to prove they need to be cared for.

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More from @ItsDanaWhite

19 Mar
You know what having a large following on Twitter and a growing following on IG, as well as having a career in social justice, has confirmed for me most? Most white support is contingent on them not actually being challenged to do any real work to dismantle anything.

Just vibes.
You have to want to see white supremacy eradicated more than you want to be seen as a good white person. You can use the right language, do all the land acknowledgments, capitalize the B in Black, etc. If you’re not sacrificing your comfort, safety, and resources it’s not enough.
White effort should exceed Black and POC effort in holding white people accountable, in dismantling systems of oppression. Across the board. At all times. And I’m not optimistic that it ever will.
Read 4 tweets
16 Feb
It’s a pandemic, half a million people have died here so far, and my father still hasn’t reached out to me. It’s been 6 years and he caused harm. My expectation of men is -100. There’s a constant seething I need to heal, so this is an accountability post. Not a pity post.
I don’t know that there’s anyone I could possibly dislike more, but indifference is the goal. The peace of indifference
What I know is that you can’t outrun or outwork that type of disappointment, pain, betrayal. And I deserve to clean it up within myself. Leave his mess with him.
Read 4 tweets
26 Jan
Coming into the understanding that I’m non-binary, around 30, also opened the door to a space of examining everything I believe about my Black self. Not just in terms of gender, but sexual orientation and love approach. It’s been deeply uncomfortable, necessary, liberating.
I’ve become so busy learning myself, unlearning beliefs about myself that don’t originate within, that I haven’t had the capacity or interest lately to educate others about who I am.
When you get to the place of being comfortable with people not “getting it,” with them not understanding or “agreeing” with you about who you indisputably are, your relationship with yourself deepens.
Read 4 tweets
16 Jan
Teachers are underpaid, but let’s discuss what “makes sense”

- minimum wage workers should be able to afford housing.
- minimum wage workers should be able to afford their care, rest, and leisure.
- minimum wage workers shouldn’t be “frontline” but compensated as disposable.
The comparison of minimum wage workers to college educated workers suggests there aren’t college educated minimum wage workers, suggests education is the only factor in how folks are compensated, suggests only people who could access a degree deserve to live above poverty.
People (especially white people) in this country, built on slavery, are deeply invested in maintaining class difference. It's a primary motivation for higher education. And we're conditioned to believe the less educated deserve more physically taxing work for minimal compensation
Read 4 tweets
12 Sep 20
Sending love to anyone who has been working from home for the past 5-6 months, unable to focus and worried about their change in productivity, understanding you can’t drop the ball even as the court is on fire. I hope you’re intentional about your weekend self-care.
Some weeks, I feel on top of my game. I’m contributing ideas to work projects, focused in external meetings, etc. And there are weeks when I show up but my mind is in 11 places. These are not typical work from home conditions at all. White dominant culture doesn’t care.
I’m bracing for work from home through 2021 because I’m not optimistic about where we are with vaccines or the social contract for distancing. And I anticipate my workload increasing, not due to insensitive management but because WDC is pervasive, inherent to nonprofit work.
Read 4 tweets
8 Sep 20
My dating advice is simply this. Two things, really.

Honor yourself, not anyone else’s projection of who you are.

Keep your goals and dreams, find someone who supports them...not someone who competes with them.
Neither of these things are easy. And I’ve mastered neither. I commit to both, again and again.
And Ari Lennox said don’t date these men til you’re 43. But seriously, 33 is an age when most people I’ve encountered have a strong sense of who they are and their wants aren’t as influenced by external noise. That’s just personal experience. Take that or leave it.
Read 5 tweets

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