come home for the first time in 10 months, finally got some time to myself so i've been catching up with my cat - he was a brilliant beautiful fool but now he lives in a tiny little box in my cupboard and i've been sobbing for the last half an hour. i miss him.
i apologised for being away so long & said i love him & i hope he's doing okay.

he died suddenly nearly 2 years ago, i always think i'm okay about it until i come home & feel like i've lost him all over again. i'm gonna curl up in his blanket i haven't washed since & go to sleep
i know he was just a cat & in the last year everyone has lost actual real family/friends so maybe this is insensitive to post, idk. he was my lifeline when i was here full-time & he made me feel safer in a toxic environment. i owe him so much for that & i'll miss him always.
i feel silly talking to him - i haven't the slightest idea what happens after we die, but even if there's the tiniest chance, i'd like him to know i love him and that i'm so so grateful for his part in a really terrible chapter of my life.
here are some more pics of my tiny panther

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More from @kazADHD

8 Apr
what people don't seem to understand about ADHD is that certain things aren't just 'boring' for us - they can be borderline painful. the mental effort it takes me just to get ready for the day fills me with dread because there are so many steps and it's so overwhelming
it's not that we don't want to get ready for the day, we do - our brains just don't work in quite the same way so Every Single Thing takes So Much more planning. and often i have to PLAN to plan. existing can feel so much more complicated when you're not neurotypical.
and that's on an average day, if i'm already overwhelmed/emotional/sick, it's harder and i just can't see any benefit to doing anything because i won't get the dopamine my brain needs for ages after - it's just not worth it to my already foggy, confused, overwhelmed brain.
Read 6 tweets
1 Apr
things i was punished for as a child when i was actually just being my neurodivergent self trying my best
- talking too much

- trying to make peers do the right thing (so they wouldn't get in trouble)

- peeing myself at nursery so i could wear their trousers (sensory issues)

- frequent 'temper tantrums' = meltdowns and sensory overload
- not sitting still

- bad handwriting

- taking too long doing classwork/packing my bag/changing for PE

- doing something 'wrong' because i'd misunderstood

- standing up for myself when i got bullied
Read 10 tweets
1 Apr
we need to talk about how financially inaccessible most ADHD hacks are
ADHD coach ? expensive

food hacks like ordering groceries or buying pre-cut veg ? expensive

organisation tools like apps/calendars/journals/subscriptions for ADHD ? expensive
so many advocates post all these 'cool revolutionary' ideas that end up being massively inaccessible to *most* people with ADHD. we're way more likely to be unemployed as well as impulsive and reckless with money and i feel like big influencers often take advantage of us for that
Read 6 tweets
16 Feb
is ADHD a mental illness ?

a thread
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder - people with it are born with it and it cannot be altered because it's part of their brain structure and is seen on brain scans. ADHD is also linked to premature births and hypothyroidism during pregnancy, among other things
from the WHO website: "neurodevelopmental disorders are disabilities in the functioning of the brain that can affect behaviour, memory and/or ability to learn."

neurodevelopmental disorders are not caused by external/environmental factors. you cannot *develop* these conditions
Read 13 tweets
14 Feb
i really hate how inaccessible complaints processes are. i complained to the NHS last year about the way i was treated by a consultant during my adhd diagnosis and honestly felt very alone with it. i had to push so so hard for months just to get an acknowledgement of wrongdoing.
by the time they finally responded, i just gave up and couldn't be bothered to persue it anymore. nothing had been done to support me, i was still discharged from the service without any support or advice and the consultant got away with his behaviour.
i have such a deep mistrust of medical professionals, especially psychiatrists, which this incident exacerbated exponentially. i have extreme anxiety about going to the doctors and instead of providing a space to explore that and move past it, it was made worse.
Read 6 tweets
30 Sep 20
i said to my mentor that i need someone to tell me to go to therapy because i won't otherwise and he said "if you're going to therapy for someone else then what's the point?"

he's right. if i'm not doing it for me, then who am i doing it for? it's time to invest in myself y'all
he also said hearing me talk about myself made him sad because i deserve to be happy and it made me cry so yeh i think it's time for therapy lol

he was like it's good to see you considering it but don't force yourself if you're not ready but i'm here like if not now then when?
i'm never going to be 'ready' to throw myself into therapy. i'm never going to be comfortable talking about trauma or the things that go on in my head - if i wait to feel ready then it'll never happen.
Read 5 tweets

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