snav Profile picture
7 Apr, 11 tweets, 2 min read
In response to a deep psychic pain, you have two choices: wait for "society" (whoever that is) to do something about it, or do something about it.

The problem with "comment 171" and "Untitled" is that they choose the former. (brief thread)
Both Scotts are sensitive guys. And sensitivity cuts both ways: sensitive people respond strongly to both pain and pleasure, to both themselves and others. The volume knob is turned up. The pain is a call to action.
In response to their own pain, both Scotts focus on *what other people do*: what the feminists say, how people react, etc.

This is because they are expecting something from the outside to flip some switch and make them magically feel OK. But this is not how emotions work.
Both Scotts have narrative and identity-based justifications for why they are in pain ("I am a nerd! I was bullied!"). Whether these are accurate or not is beside the point. The real question is: "what are you going to do about it?"
What they could use is a little bit of *doubt*. Take a stand against yourself: what if your self-narratives are wrong? What if the "feminists" are right? What are you doing, in practice, and what do you expect to happen, then how do you respond?
Ask yourself serious questions. What makes you a man? What about others do you desire, and in what ways do you compare yourself to others? What makes you want those things so badly? What would you like to do, but aren't doing? What are you afraid of?
For those so good at Science, it's surprising to me how rarely I see intelligent people turn their methodological chops against the sensory evidence they have the most immediate access to: themselves. Most are waiting for an authority to tell them about themselves instead.
Once you "own up" to it, you can tell people about yourself and what you want in a matter of fact way, without them having to fear that you'll randomly get mad and do something rash (i.e. what many women fear). This is, I think, what the "eating your shadow" thing is about.
If you're able to get a handle on your own pain and develop self-understanding, then you might find that being sensitive is attractive, a virtue, that helps you connect with others and support them, as well as communicate your own wants and needs more effectively.
I would like to see more mentorship and emotional support among men (which seems mainly about doing things together), as an identity which springs from action is the most stable of all, and makes it easier to "eat" the dark corners. But "society" wont do it for us.
(And to be clear, I empathize seriously with the struggles expressed by the Scotts and by other people participating in the ongoing conversation today, and I applaud them having the courage to speak. These are just my thoughts on "now what?")

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