thinking about the time a couple of weeks ago when my shoulders were locked up around my ears and when, after breathing and stretching it out to no avail, i decided i was trying way too hard to relax and to simply allow myself to be uncomfortable. went away p quickly after that
tfw trying too hard to relax or cope (even with “wholesome” mechanisms like breathing or stretching or meditation) compounds the anxiety and prolongs the discomfort
relatedly, for years i was convinced meditation “didn’t work” for me because i used it only in acute moments of crisis to try and calm myself down, which is counterproductive because it’s a practice you build up over time, not a magic bullet like the business magazines say it is
idk if this is true for anyone else but Becoming Very Religious in my mid/late twenties actually made me a worse person, largely because i started to prioritize group affiliation (ie, allegiance to rome) over basic empathy and compassion towards other people
i remember one night (pre COVID) i was hanging out with some people and gushing about how I’d found my way back to the church and how great that was for me spiritually and blah blah blah and this one guy said “i went to catholic school for 13 years. i was molested by a priest”
and my first impulse wasn’t to say “oh my god, i’m so sorry that happened to you.” my first impulse was to think “this guy is just fucking with me, i’m used to people making pedophile priest jokes, whatever.” and i continued to talk about what i was talking about
my dad has his vaccination appointment in one week 🥺
getting this news right after hearing that my aunt and cousin both got covid and that the former is in the hospital is like textbook whiplash. but it’s all happening
i feel weird making prayer requests now but i do believe intention is powerful still. so please keep them both in your thoughts
i used mustard greens bc the store didn’t have broccoli rabe and i’m sick of kale, also i used tomato paste + red pepper flakes bc i’m more likely to use tomato paste than harissa. also that’s the ugliest egg i’ve ever made but it’s good
used better than bouillon no-chicken base for the broth and it really came in clutch. Jules verdict: make this