Small #sheith thread. #canondivergent #nsfw

The first time Shiro and Keith have sex is in the back of the black lion. It’s harried and fast and they’re nearly caught by lance who can’t mind his own fucking business.
Still it’s /Shiro/ the guy Keith has liked—maybe loved if he’s being honest—forever.

So when Shiro keeps his eyes screwed up tight as Keith’s hand encircles his dick, well—Keith doesn’t think much about it.
Between nearly dying, then nearly being caught and the ridiculously cramped quarters it’s not exactly the ideal location.

Next time keith won’t ambush Shiro while nearly hysterical and bloody. He will make it special like Shiro deserves.
Next time is not special.

Next time turns out to be damn near impossible with the way the damn war won’t end and Shiro keeps almost dying.

Keith really needs him to stop almost dying.
Yes after one of these times that Keith snaps, unsatisfied by a tender hug or press of the lips.

“I need to fuck you right now,” Keith blurts, tugging his Paladin suit off.
Shiro blinks, looking more shell shocked by the words that have come out of Keith’s mouth than the fact that they’re stranded on an alien planet and Shiro nearly got eaten by a wild Krangak.
There’s a beat where Keith thinks he’s fucked this up. He’s been waiting, trying to be patient like Shiro always says and hope for the perfect time to talk about their feelings or what this all means or the last time they fucked but instead he’s desperate and scared
Me most of all he wants Shiro—needs him if he’s being honest.

So instead of some soft love confession or a sweet romancing on the castle ship while everyone is gone, he’s begging for a fuck on a trash heap of a planet covered in man eating space worms.
It’s on the tip of Keith’s tongue to say never mind, that he’s out of mind—anything to fill the silence that stretches between them in a way that makes Keith’s chest ache.

Shiro beats him too it, reaching up with shaking hands and bruised knuckles to touch Keith’s cheek.

“Ok”
It’s just as frantic and needy and uncoordinated as the first time and also just as satisfying.

It suddenly doesn’t matter that the knees of his Paladin suit are stained red from the sand like gravel beneath him as he sinks to his knees.
It doesn’t matter that allura and the rest of them are on their way now to rescue them and thy could be caught any moment and it doesn’t matter that Shiro almost died because Shiro is safe now and he is with Keith and everything is okay.
Keith’s still new at this whole sex thing—not just with Shiro but with anyone—so when Shiro snaps his eyes shut Keith things maybe he’s used too much teeth as he swallows around Shiro’s cock.
He tries to wrap his lips around his teeth and gentle his movements but it’s kinda hard when Shiro’s petting his hair and moaning anf Keith’s gagging for it just as much.
In the end keith manages to jerk himself off while sucking Shiro’s cock and get them both off before they’re finally rescued.

It’s not until Keith’s lying in his bed that night—the memory of his dirty knees still ripe in his mind—that he realizes Shiro never did open his eyes.
It’s fine Keith tells himself even as a knot of insecurity winds it’s way around his heart.

So what if he and Shiro have had sex twice and Shiro hasn’t looked at him once. That’s not a big deal right?

Right.
Except if it’s not a big deal then Keith does t understand why his stomach burns when he watches Shiro makes eye contact with Lance as he helps him with target practice.
He doesn’t understand why his face flares when Shiro makes direct eye contact with allura over lunch and makes her throw her head back and laugh.

And he really doesn’t understand why it feels worst of all when Shiro makes eye contact across common room and smiles.
Shiro is a man of connection—tactile with those he trusts and one who never shied away from contact.

For better or worse there’s not much time for Keith to ponder on the peculiarities and protocols of ducking your best friend during an intergalactic space war.
The worry pops up occasionally but mostly Keith’s just grateful to be alive, and to have Shiro by his side.

For his part Shiro seems equally grateful, taking any opportunity to touch Keith or sneak a moment alone to press warm lips to his.
It’s not the deep intimacy Keith craves but it soothes the ragged, frayed edges of Keith’s wild heart.

He is not good with people or relationships but he is good at Shiro.

Keith is Shiro’s and Shiro is his, of that much at least he is sure.
It takes awhile but eventually Keith manages to forget about the eyes shut right thing.

Until he can’t.

Until the Paladins are miraculously given a day off anf everyone except Shiro and Keith go to the space mall.

Until Shiro and Keith are alone—/alone/—for the first time.
Until they’re stumbling through the castle ship and shedding clothes as they go.

Until Shiro is carrying Keith to his bed and laying worship to his mouth and body in ways that make Keith want to sob.
Until he’s doing it all with his eyes shut.

The sex feels too damn good for Keith to stop mid fuck and say “Excuse me Shiro, could you please remove your dick and talk to me about why your eyes are shut.”
Keith doesn’t like talking under most circumstances but given the choice between wasting their first and maybe only time only together talking when he could instead be fucked for the first time is not actually a contest.
He resolves himself to bring it up later.

Later being some vague and undefined time which Keith is happier to absolutely not think about.

Because so what if Shiro won’t look at him, even while his cock is inside of Keith—it’s still amazing.
Keith can handle this all just fine. He knows he can.

He just needs to understand it a bit more.

Determined to figure out what is going on Keith uses his every and at edge over the next several movements getting alone time with Shiro.
Sometimes it’s ten ticks in the kitchen when they’re supposed to be checking on the soace goo anf other times it’s a whole bargain in the middle of the night when Keith sneaks into Shiro’s room.
The what, when and where always changes.

What doesn’t change is Shiro and his eyes screwed up tight when they’re naked.
Keith ties hand jobs and blow jobs and Shiro fucking Keith and Keith fucking Shiro and everything in between.

It’s all amazing, because it’s Shiro so of course it is, but it’s confusing too.
No matter where they are, or where Keith touches Shiro, they moment they get intimate Shiro’s eyes fall shut and they stay that way.
Keith doesn’t want to care. There’s so many other things to worry about from their alliance with the Blades to his own apparent half alien heritage and the way Shiro just won’t stop fucking almost dying.
Except he does care.

He cares because he can’t understand why the one person who has always seen him is suddenly closing his eyes.
Keith knows he’s not exactly the best thing to look at, especially mid war—scrappier than ever and always bruised. But Shiro still looks at him like he’s a shining star, still calls him beautiful and cradles the side of his face before they kiss.
It can’t be because Shiro doesn’t like sex. Not with the way Shiro gets hard from the simplest of touches from Keith, or the sounds he makes when they touch.

If anything Shiro looks more relaxed and happy when they fuck than Keith’s seen him since before Kerberos.
We’re Keith a normal person he would just fucking ask. It’s just a question—a small damn question.

No matter the answer he’s confident he and Shiro can figure it out, together. They always do.
Yet still Keith hesitates.

Aside from the whole eyes shut durihg sex thing and well, fighting so the world doesn’t end, he’s happy.

He’s happy with Shiro.
He’s happy in ways he never knew he could be, especially during a war.

Shiro’s friendship and this thing happening between them is the ground beneath Keith’s feet and he’s terrified of shaking that foundation even if the curiosity is beginning to make him burn.
Keith doesn’t want to believe it means anything bad but it’s hard not feel his own heart tremble with uncertainty every time Shiro’s eyes fall shut before they fuck.
It’s movements before Keith musters up the courage to ask, his heart beating against his rib cage as he struggles to breathe.

“Why won’t you look at me?” He whispers.
At first Shiro merely looks confused, reaching out to cup the side of Keith’s face sweetly.

“I’m looking at you right now,” Shiro says, softness in his voice as he thumb sweeps over Keith’s cheeks. “It’s a beautiful view.”
“Shiro,” Keith chokes, the words somehow making him feel close to tears.

The words feel so genuine, so true—but then why.

/why/

“When we fuck,” Keith blurts, heart now in his throat.
“When we, oh—“ Shiro exhales, his realization dawning.

“It’s so stupid, forget I said anything,” Keith mumbles, wishing he really hadn’t. “We can uh go back to kissing or fucking or whatever pretend I never said anything.”
“Keith,” Shiro whispers, thumb smoothing down to caress the side of his jaw.

His voice is a balm to Keith’s nerves.

“Yeah, Shiro?”

“I never told you this but uh, back in the arena I didn’t sleep. Not like I didn’t sleep enough but like I didn’t sleep.”
Keith’s not sure he understands the correlation but he stays quest, waiting as Shiro breathes in slowly before he continues.

“You shut your eyes and you were a dead man. Always had one eye open. Matt, before they uh took him—used to call me a dolphin.”
Shiro laughs but Keith doesn’t laugh with him.

“Humans aren’t supposed to be able to survive like that but then they’re not supposed to survive an alien bloodbath either.”
At this Shiro’s shoulders drop, his voice going small. Shiro doesn’t talk about his time in captivity and though Keith had held him through many nightmares he’s never heard Shiro talk about it like this.
“I learned that it wasn’t okay to relax, to rest—I stripped away my own humanity until all that was left was, well—sometimes I’m not so sure.”

“You’re what’s left Shiro. You. And I won’t ever let you go back to that place, you hear me? You’re safe now.”
“This is why I close my eyes,” Shiro whispers, reaching for Keith’s hand.

For the first time, Keith thinks he’s beginning to understand.

“/Shiro/.”

“You make me feel safe,” Shiro whispers.
There’s about a ninety nine percent chance Keith’s crying but he ignores it in favor of squeezing Shiro’s hand tight enough it surely must hurt.

“When I’m with you I can close my eyes and—and I’m not the monster they made me. I’m just your Shiro.”
Keith’s definitely crying now as he surges forward, sending Shiro tumbling backward into the sofa as he kisses him.

“I love you, Keith. So much,” Shiro murmurs eyes fluttering.

“I love you too, Shiro. Fuck me too.”
“Let me show you,” Shiro says, hands skimming down Keith’s side as he reaches for the hem of his shirt.

Keith nods, prepared for what will come.

This time when Shiro’s eyes fall shut he understands it for what it is now—a gift.

// The End
If you like what I do you can always buy me a coffee ❤️🖤

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