*Text comes in*

"Etubo! No forget about Kunle naming ceremony today o".

*3 hrs later... Seun honks*

"Etubo make we go ooooo!"

*gets to party, and DJ scratches, and Koleyewon track enters*

*Hands Seun my wallet belongings*
*Yells haaaa! Pushes everyone and starts giving them baban'la legwork*

*Dj scratches, "rush" by Bella enters*

Me: haaaaaa 🤪😜😩🤣🙌🏾🙌🏾

*scatters everywhere with legwork*

Everyone:Oyaaaaa comot for roaddd! 🙌🏾🙌🏾 👏🏽
Kunle yells: Etubooooooo

Me: Baba babyyyyyy! Jekanmo! 🤲🏾🤲🏾

*Hands Kunle envelope*

*Me and Kunle scatters everywhere with legwork*

Everybody: Haaa 🙌🏾🙌🏾👍🏽👍🏽 👏🏽
*After 20 mins*

Me: Haha Seun, you don chop? Where my food?

Seun: Yes, they gave it to someone else cos it was getting cold. Make I call that dude make he bring you fresh one.
*dude drops plate and hot mineras*

*opens plate*

Me: Heyyys! Uncle! Please come back here.

Dude: Yes sir.
Me: I just opened the plate you dropped and I saw coaster biscuit inside, so I was thinking pe you did mistake.

Dude: no sir. There is no food again, and we also ran out of meat.
Me: you ran out of meat? Ok so why didn't you people kill another cow, or boya ewure?
Dude: I don't know sir.

Me: so, there is no food again and you were looking at me when I was dancing like alajota? Abi you think that I was dancing laidat because I was happy ni?
Dude: I am sorry sir, you are actually a good dancer

Me: See, I don't know why you are laughing like Awolowo picture. it's like pe you want to see crazy.
Me: Kunleeeeeeee

Kunle: wetin dey happen?

Me: Kunle, this man said there is no meat, and gave me coaster biscuit. please tell them to kill another ewure pls.
Kunle: that one don go, chop this one laidat bro. We go shaye another day.

Me: Where the envelope wey I give you? I won check something.

Kunle: Baba leave that one, that one sef don go.
Me: Okay, why is the mineras hot again? Did you people microwave it?

Kunle: You no quick come na, and the remaining food finish when we dey dance.

Me: So you know say food don almost finish and you no fit pursue me go eat when we dey dance?
Me: Kunle shey you don't know you can actually attract curses on your day of joy ni?

*DJ scratches... Alhaji enters*

Music: Ehn Alhaji! Alhaji... gbugbugbu"

Kunle: Haaaa 😜🤪. My jammmm! *Takes of shirt and shoes and enters crowd*
Me: Seun, who dem give my food?

*Seun points*

"Na that guy"

Me: uncle, it was you they gave my food? And you ate it? And you are happy? See, we will meet again. I will fight you in this world and fight you in heaven. Even God will be wondering who created me. *snaps fingers*
*leaves angrily*

Seun: Etuboooo, where you dey go nah

*grabs coaster biscuit and hot mineras*

Me: No worry. You people will see me in action.
*Enter Kunles apartment*

Kunle's wife: Etubo, thank you for coming o. It has been a while

Me: Congratulations! abi o. Shey you people have meat? You know people normally have reserve. It's coaster biscuit they gave me
KW: no sir, we are out of everything. Abi you want more coaster biscuit?
Me: you people are really wicked but don't worry.

*leaves agrily*
*2 hours later, call comes in*

*Ignores call*

*phone rings again*

*answers call*

Seun: Etubo, omo dem say dem no see the baby clothes and shoes wey dem gift them for naming ceremony o. People dey madddd.

Me: Eeyahhh *sends pictures*
*Seun Opens pictures*
Seun: Etubooooooo


• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

Keep Current with Chicken Catcher 🐔

Chicken Catcher 🐔 Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!


Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @IamEtubo

7 Apr
Vendor: Good morning @IamEtubo, Anon just ordered you our peppered delicious chicken shrimp soaked jollof rice meal. Please DM your details

Me: Haaaaa! Oyaaaaa! God bless you and anon. Pls how long does it take to make and deliver it. Cos me I am hungry o.
Vendor: Err, not long at all sir. But you pay for delivery. Where do you stay.
Read 40 tweets
12 Feb
We were pulled over by Nigerian police the last time I was in Naija and this man saw a weapon certification in my wallet and was shocked. The weapon certification had a list of weapons I was qualified to shoot. He yelled "you fit shoot this thing?" I said "yes nau".. he-
Yelled "so if I give you this my gun, you fit shoot am well". I said "boya you should give me and let us see? 🤷🏾‍♂️" He said "who qualify you?". I said "This thing clearly says "Missouri State. Na yankee nah! I mean USA". He yelled "Sergeant Ojo! Sergeant blah blah come o!"
He looked at the uber driver "you come down! And come here! Sergeant! Search the car and search it well. Na huge case dey here! This man fit get guns inside the car! Search it well!" 🤣🤣🤣 I was just laughing! I was like "Mr Police, why you dey harrasss me?"
Read 16 tweets
28 Jan
Amiyah's teacher dragged us (parents) in the mud yesterday. It was freaking funny LMAO.

We had parents meeting (zoom) yesterday morning around 9am. So, after the teacher gave the neccessary info, she was like...
Before you guys leave "We just got another learning app and I'm gonna need to teach you how to navigate through it, because it is complicated"

She shared her screen, and showed us. She said "I'll let you guys try it. Please let me know if you have any questions"
2 mins later, a lady asked "ma'am, how do we do this..." the teacher shared her screen, and went through it again, and said "let me know if you have any other questions'. Few mins later, 2 other people asked her the same question. She replied "I am going to share my screen AGAIN-
Read 9 tweets
5 Jan
The African store I went to yesterday had meatpie. I was like "Omo, e af tay that i ate meatpie o. 🤔🤔" Wo! I don't need to eat meatpie jare. Will I die if I don't eat it? I could hear the meatpie whispering "bros, I fresh die. Buy me nau. I don tire inside showglass buy and-
Chop me plsss 🥺" I just gboju. After I was done shopping, I sha went to check out. Omo, those people that own the store wicked o. They goan put the showglass where you will checkout ni sha. I looked at the meatpie again, e reach like 10 inside the showglass. I think pe boya the
Bros that was helping me with check out noticed me looking at the meatpie. He asked "bros, you want meatpie?". So because I am looking at the meatpie nau, you think pe boya I want to buy? What do you take me for? Olojukokoro or what? What is wrong with you people? Don't vex me...
Read 9 tweets
4 Jan
Amiyah's friends came the other day for a sleepover yeah? These "friends" are siblings (5 and 7). Omo these kids scattered our house, you will think pe boya tornadoe passed through our house ni. I went to the store and came back, and thought I was in the wrong house. It remain -
Small for 3 of them to carry couch and goan put it outside, everything was just upside down. I entered Amiyah's room, I thought I was in a poultry.

I was like:
If you hear legendary alaigboran eran nuru... ha! It is those kids. There is nothing they didn't climb. As they are climbing table... "Hey! Guys get down!" Before you finish talking, they have climbed window. Omo, that day I didn't even understand Amiyah again. It got to a point-
Read 17 tweets
1 Jan
If you have kids, you NEED to understand the importance of brain breaks. Ensure they get these breaks when they get frustrated or irritated while learning. Do NOT introduce cane or yell at them! They are kids, not robots. Most times, if you have to repeat yourself 3 times or
more, or they keep crying while learning, or they keep getting it wrong... chances are they need the brain breaks. Please ensure they get them. Let them play around, and them come back to it. Whatever is it they are doing (homework, projects or whatever) isn't going anywhere.
Please don't beat them, or stress them even more. That is why most don't wanna go to school or, starts crying when it is time for homework. Kids love to have fun, they could actually have fun while they learn. Get snacks, favorite music, and games. I usually divide Amiyah's
Read 8 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!