Holy fuuuuuuck you guys my heart is pounding

9pm on a Saturday night, hanging out playing on Twitter

I very distinctly hear a cough from outside my RV, behind where I'm sitting

It takes me a sec to process what I heard because it was so unusual and it didn't register at first
But then I'm like "uhhh fuck that was definitely a cough and I didn't hear a car pull up or see any lights what the fuck"

Freaking out trying to decide what to do

I'm all alone out here so not too many options

I grab my rifle, then change my mind and grab a flashlight and 9mm
Psych myself up and basically kick the door open and stand there shining the flashlight around with my gun cocked and loaded in my other hand

Tell whoever it was to announce themselves and that I'm armed and willing to shoot them

No response, dead quiet, no one in sight
I closed all my windows and curtains and hop out, being careful to keep my back to the RV and do a perimeter sweep with the gun and flashlight popping around both in front of me and behind me

It's a pretty bright night out there, moon is high

I keep talking as I move
Basically shouting that if they're not going to announce themselves they'd better get lost because I'm armed and not fucking around, and I'm going to shoot on sight if they're not going to say anything

I do a full sweep of the area and don't see any vehicles, lights, or people
I calm down slightly and spend some time looking at the sand around the RV for tracks that aren't from my shoes and can't see anything unusual, but feel weird with my back to the desert and just go back inside, shouting again for anyone out there to get lost
My cat seems a little freaked too and she's sitting on the floor next to me--might just be responding to my emotional state tho

My 9mm is still cocked and loaded sitting on the coffee table beside me

Kinda freaked out

It's dead quiet out here, I should be able to hear mischief
And now I just don't know what to think

Maybe it wasn't a cough, maybe it was just a mechanical thing or a piece of brush hitting my trailer or something

Pretty spooked tho

Damn it I wanted to get high
I'm not really THAT concerned for my physical safety, I'm in a giant locked metal box and armed to the teeth

But still kind of annoyed that this is going to ruin my evening plans since I'd really prefer not to be high if something weird happens
I turned my lights off and left my bedroom light on but I'm sitting in the living room and listening for now
Going back out there in an undetermined period of time to sweep again

Do coyotes cough?
I like that the moon is high enough for me to peek through small gaps and see clearly outside with no one being able to see inside

Going out again soon wish me luck
How mad would you guys be if I just forgot to update this thread again for like 12 hours
Okay whew. Did a second perimeter walk, no flashlight, listening intently. There's nothing out there.

I stood totally still in the dark for a minute or two and then fired a single round into a nearby dirt pile

Zero sound response to the loud shot, few humans could do that
I'm pretty sure I'm safe and will now get high and watch TV as planned, but this loaded gun is staying next to me

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More from @liminal_warmth

25 Apr
It's interesting how fraught dating app interactions used to feel compared to how they feel to me now 🤔

I used to get really anxious when people dropped mid conversation or was worried I said said wrong thing, but now I just don't really worry about any of it that much
I'm not sure exactly when that clicked over or what the catalyst was, but it feels like universally lower investment in any particular interaction

And zero stress about things not working out

I guess you'd call it abundance mindset but I'm not quite sure how I got here
I just kind of stopped caring as much and didn't feel like every interaction was a big deal or even especially important

Wish I could capture what did that for me because the me of 8 years ago would have killed to feel less anxious and invested in dating
Read 6 tweets
24 Apr
Has anyone else noticed that modern sitcoms tend to pack a lot of mainstream "otherness" into a single character?

You tend to get one central character who's trans/enby, a PoC, AND who has a larger build alongside an otherwise conventional cast
I'm looking at Glee, Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist, and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I appreciate the representation but maybe spread it around and branch out a bit guys
My chief complaint with this is that by focusing all of your otherness into a single character, it reinforces the perceived abnormality of each of those traits and encourages the audience to continue seeing them as "not normal" rather than normalizing any one of them individually
Read 8 tweets
23 Apr
1/ I saw this fly by the TL earlier and I've been thinking about it for the last hour or so. I have deep sympathy for the quoted person, and this will not be a thread that invalidates her pain or experiences.

I have some thoughts I want to share.
2/ The first thing that springs up is just this intense sadness and empathy for this person who has clearly been through a lot of trauma WRT to identity and trying to find their path. None of the decisions leading up to irreversible transition choices are easy ones.
3/ And I do think there's a very real tendency for many well-intentioned people to encourage a path that they themselves have not walked, and could not imagine walking, because they believe that it will reduce the suffering of the person they're encouraging.
Read 78 tweets
22 Apr
I love to critique the labor practices of big companies but I never have so much sympathy for them as when I'm dealing with my own employees who can at times be extremely frustrating in spite of treating them extremely fairly and trying to do right by them
I don't know how you reliably screen for bad actors and keep people engaged when the transactional nature of modern work creates conflict in the structure itself and encourages high mobility

You really appreciate the power of family businesses in aligning incentives
But like... sheesh I would happily give someone a profit sharing cut of my business if I trusted them to consistently do good work and grow it with me. But it's a bad deal for me if they hang out for only 6-18 months and it's not clear that it would improve engagement.
Read 4 tweets
22 Apr
I've had a number of conversations in the last week where people are sharing their ideas about what magick "is"

But I rarely find these conversations useful because inevitably you hit a block when you're talking about a descriptive framework

Mechanics are far more interesting
Maybe it's unusual to see it this way but it doesn't matter to me if you're looking at weird psychology tricks, manifestation of will through oneness with the universe, or God consciously acting in response to requests

It's all different ways of describing a thing
The thing itself is what I'm curious about, the phenomenology, mechanisms, and boundaries of it

I don't really care what we call it

I just wanna know if it's noise or signal and what the hard limitations of it are within the world as we experience it
Read 5 tweets
22 Apr
Sigh one night back on the dating apps reminded me that I don't want to be on dating apps

There are too many people I don't want to date to wade through the effort of finding the people I might, and I have yet to see an interesting profile 😑
Blah I'll just stick to being single and unraveling the mysteries of the universe thanks

Or sheesh just let's get clubs back open so I can find hot people and assess in two seconds if they're fun or interesting

Soooo much easier
I realize it's very basic to complain about dating apps but I'm not just looking for _someone/anyone_ for a good time

It's not worth the effort to deal with catfishing, couples, old pics, misleading pics, and uninspiring chat convos on the off chance I hit my roulette number 😬
Read 4 tweets

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