Back in Los Angeles for the first time in 14 months. Vivid feelings. Grief, gratitude, joy. Many firsts. First day in California. So overstimulated. Been in high desert wilderness Southwest Utah for 14 months, tight isolation. We made it. Vaxed up. Overjoyed. Image
ALL THE GREEEEEEN! Everything is green! Where I’ve been it’s all coral red sand and red cliffs and sagebrush and cacti and the jasmine is in bloom here! I’m getting a contact high!
Stood on the Santa Monica promenade alone for like half an hour, people watching, everyone wears masks! It’s so beautiful! Loud music! Dining and drinking on the sidewalk in the open air! Families! Dogs! Hot looking young people on dates! Reader, I wept!
The sweet barista at @caffeluxxe! The kind bakers and waiters and workers at @MiloandOlive ! Our friendly carnicero, who still smokes ribs and sells oaxacan chicken-mole tamales wrapped in plátano leaves my god I’ve missed you! The horses on that street that still has horses!
Breast cancer screenings monday and Tuesday, grateful to be able to safely get my overdue checkups done. I’m flooded with good feelings and none of them are called anxiety, today I’ll take it. Expecting good results, been doing my part diligently.
A family member was swapping out a phone at @Apple store and wow, they are doing it right. There’s a fenced off line and entrance looks like you’re entering a club, with bouncers that point thermometers at your forehead while you enter, you must wear a mask. Efficient. Chill.
Many places we knew and loved have closed. A lot has changed in 14 months. Wow.
The Pacific Ocean!
App based legal cannabis delivery you pay for with your phone legally hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahhaahhahahahhaha ahahahahah ahahahahahhaha
$200 ounces that aren’t crap hahahahhahahahahhahahahayayyahahdjdifhcjeioehbkepwozbfosorirusopxnh
The drive from our place in Utah to my man’s home in LA where I am now is 8 hours. The entire way I talked about all the different food I wanted to eat in Los Angeles that I missed. Din Tai Fung. East LA tacos. Westminster Viet. Ethiopian on Fairfax. Persian, Tehrangeles. 😭🤤😋
Do you realize the only produce I’ve had in 14 months is homegrown weed and Costco flats of sad vegetables on the very last wilted-ass link of the supply chain MAKE WAY FOR MOI, FARMER’s MARKETS OF L.A.
Day 2 back in LA after quarantining 14 months in a remote southwest Utah high desert bunker: Literally me literally all day literally
I’m going to ask my man to just drive me around Los Angeles all day so I can lean out the window and cry at everything I love
We’ve done like 5 cashier transactions at cafés and shops so far, I cannot refrain from telling whoever how much I love them and that this is my first whatever in 14 months and the thing is they get super moved right back, one barista wouldn’t let me pay for the drinks
I’m gonna try to restrain myself today but I love you Los Angeles and I really did miss you it’s only now I can begin to feel the grief the loss all we missed all the human beings who were here a year ago, Angelenos, Americans, beloved, who needlessly died, goddamn goddamn

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More from @xeni

3 May
Just another mammogram Monday Image
Waiting on results. Should come within minutes. This is for my non-mastectomied breast, my cancer was unilateral. The non-altered breast gets checked up periodically. This is a routine checkup not sparked by any concerns or symptoms. So far anxiety good. Not in fear at this time.
And we wait. Image
Read 5 tweets
25 Apr
Had coffee with dinner, up with the zings, AMA
shytteposting tyme Image
Had dessert also, will update you on whether it was the sugar or the caffeine at 4am
Read 4 tweets
25 Apr
Been venturing in town here in UT, seeing so many women with overkill Instagram eyelashes. You know. Super thick installs from a beautician with no license often. Big ole caterpillar sitting on their eyelids. It feels so great to judge other people’s appearances again
Women, teen girls, please do not do fake eyelash installs and eyebrow microblading love Opthalmologists
I was walking across the café mask on to put cream in my coffee and she walked in the door a fair skinned ginger, early 20s, with long red hair and these giant black caterpillar‘s sitting on her eyelids I wanted to scream and rip them off and then I realized what was going on
Read 4 tweets
22 Apr
Jeffrey Epstein‘s greatest female ally other than Ghislaine, the woman who introduced him to Putin, was Esther Dyson. There are photos of them traveling to sites significant to Russia’s military history together. She was close with Alexei Navalny also. A lot I don’t understand.
Of course you could also say that his greatest ally was a hedge fund guy and his wife who let Epstein fuck their six-year-old.
I have known Esther Dyson since the 1990s and while I knew that she was working in Russia the whole time I didn’t get it. I didn’t know about her enabling Epstein.
Read 16 tweets
19 Apr
I was right about Assange, I was right about Greenwald, I was right about Epstein’s money infecting science, technology, media. My prize was rejection, public humiliation, reputational and professional damage, and coordinated harm. Some, they were close to me.

I’d do it again.
To thine own self be true
For a month this year I thought I was dying of cancer again. I got a screwy diagnosis and a slow biopsy, later clarified. During that dark period of waiting, I had time to think about what mattered. Speaking out mattered. None of the work I did mattered as much as speaking out.
Read 9 tweets
18 Apr
When reading stories about notable sons with well publicized addiction problems, please know that alcoholism and addiction are medical disorders, a lifelong allergy of sorts some of us say, not a moral failing, not something any human has any control over. Not him. Not his dad.
Nothing anyone does or says has any power over the addiction or alcoholism of their loved one. Thank you for coming to my Xed talk
It’s really hard to recover when you have the scrutiny of the entire world upon you. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. He has a hard row to hoe.
Read 4 tweets

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