May the Third Be With You!!!
I always screw things up.
See you tomorrow.

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More from @denvercoder

3 May
Can you mute a series of emojis?

Yes, yes you can. 😂
Doesn’t seem to work though. Can someone tweet the emoji below?
Read 4 tweets
15 Mar
This is an important tweet. Please burn it into your mind. You might not need it now, in 10 years or 30 years but you need to remember what I'm about to say to you.
If you are ever arrested for something serious do not talk to the police. They aren't your friend. They will be legally allowed to lie to you, make up evidence against you that doesn't exist, and use any comments you make against you.
You aren't going to get any special treatment if you talk to them. It won't keep you out of jail for the night. It's not a game, and you might think that you're smarter than them so you agree to talk to them thinking that you'll be able to see a trap coming.
Read 13 tweets
14 Mar
We got snow. That fence is 5ft high.

The first pic is my back door.
And it’s still snowing.
Read 4 tweets
14 Mar
I just paid off a credit card and closed the account. I had a zero balance but then I noticed that I had $0.68 of rewards cash. So I selected the option to “credit it to my account”.

So now capital one has to send me a check for $0.68. 😂🖕🏻
Say what you want about Capital One but I was able to close my account through their automated system without some jack wagon trying to convince me otherwise. 🤷🏻‍♂️
I think the funniest one was when I closed a credit card a few years back they also owed me like .33 cents.

I checked my balance after like 30 days and it still said, "$-0.33".

So I called them. When they answered I said...
Read 6 tweets
2 Mar
2 tbsp Butter
1 handful Onions
2 tbsp Cooked bacon bits
2 tbsp Brown Sugar
1 cup Kidney Beans
1 cup Jasmine Rice
Salt and Pepper

Feeds 4 people for about $1.50 per serving.
Read 4 tweets
31 Jan
This is a 100% real email that my wife just got from our bank.

Remember to scrub your “test data” before it gets to production.

Talk about amateur hour. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Image
The AUDACITY to thing that we don’t know who Dwight K Schrute is!!! Image
Alt: Wondering who Dwight Schrute is? And why you got multiple emails addressed to him?
Hey there!
So... you may have noticed there was an error with some of our email notifications. Please rest assured, your account security is safe, there was merely an error with the number of
Read 5 tweets

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