Thread by @R_Denhollander

I don’t even know where to begin with what we need to learn from this situation with Josh Duggar. If you haven’t paid attention to updates, you should, because it is a glaring example of the problems we have in our legal system, and especially in conservative culture.

(thread)

The images and videos Josh downloaded for his own sexual pleasure were of toddlers and babies being sexually assaulted. 18 months to 3 years old. He literally found sexual gratification in watching the sexual torture of babies and toddlers.

He was sexually aroused by toddlers and babies being painfully and violently abused. The FBI agent who conducted the investigation said it was some of the worst material he’s ever gone through. Josh searched for it, and enjoyed it. Sit with that reality. Absorb what that means.

He was able to view those images even though he had a program like Covenant Eyes on his computer, because he downloaded special software that allowed him to bypass it. And his reports were going to his wife – a homeschooling mom of six with a 7th on the way.

Busy and exhausted, and also expected to babysit her husband’s porn problem. Not only did he have software that allowed him to bypass the program, he had partitioned hard drives and browsers to access the dark web.

This wasn't an accident. This was planned, premeditated, and probably going on for a long time. I’m also going to add, out of every woman I’ve ever walked with whose husband had a porn problem, it was NEVER a surprise. NEVER.

It’s pretty much guaranteed that somewhere along the way Anna knew Josh still had a porn addiction, but she was left to deal with it and fix it in silence and on her own, because that’s how we counsel couples in Christian circles. "Submission" becomes a catch-phrase to protect.

She certainly couldn’t tell anyone, because that would not be respectful. That’s how we counsel wives in these marriages.

But she was certainly taught to have sex more to fix it. Her own mother-in-law wrote blog articles that said as much.

When Josh was arrested, his father began calling people in the church asking them to be Josh’s custodian until trial, so that he could be released on bail. He found a man willing to take him in. Except that man’s wife teaches piano lessons to children, and. . .

she was not comfortable having Josh home with her all day, because she would be alone with him while her husband was at work.

That didn’t matter to the husband, however. She has to find a new place to teach all those children because her husband wants Josh to live with them.

Every single family who takes piano from her, and the wife herself, has to uproot their routine, livelihood and the child’s music education, because Josh. Everyone is expected to bear the cost, except Josh.

And the wife’s own very reasonable fears about being alone all day with a man who enjoys the sexual torture of toddlers didn’t matter to the husband either.

The FBI agent recommended that Josh be kept in custody, especially since the wife was afraid to have him in the home.

But when she was called to the witness stand and asked if she was in agreement with having Josh live with them, she responded that “her husband had made the decision, and she was here to support him”.
Because under that theology he has the authority and her job is to submit.

So Josh was released. And not just released, but released with visitation rights to his own children who are, by the way, in the exact age demographics of the children he was watching being sexually tortured. Anna is required to supervise the visits. And she will.

She can’t protect her children from their father, or push him out of the home. It would be unsubmissive. And God hates divorce. Cherry-picked and twisted theology yes, but much easier than hard exegesis and the long work of helping a wife and children escape a dangerous marriage.

And the men make the decisions and decide the theology, they just don't bear the cost.

Whether or not the children could be abused, or already have been, doesn’t matter. And keeping Josh in their lives pretty much guarantees they will not disclose. But anyway God hates divorce.

Everyone – EVERYONE else, from Josh’s own children, to a woman afraid to have him in the home, to his own wife, are bearing the risks and costs of his behavior. And they are being told it is godly and right to do it.

Each man in the situation, from Josh’s dad, (who isn’t protecting his own grandkids or caring about the risks to anyone else), to the judge, to the husband who decided it was fine despite his wife’s very justified fear, make the decisions.

The women and children who pay the price, are expected to submit, forgive, and support, no matter how foolish or wicked the decision.

This is the exact same mindset that allowed this to happen in the first place, when so many were warning years ago that the minimization and sin-leveling were signs that this wasn’t in control and wasn’t being taken seriously.

The cost and impact is being born by everyone but the perpetrator, and the men given free reign to be “leaders”. This is abusive culture. This is toxic Christianity. This is not manhood. This is not womanhood. This is depraved.

And the worst part is, I know literally hundreds of women on the receiving end of this garbage. Josh, and this situation, aren’t the anomaly. They are the norm.
Because we actually don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

It wasn't a big deal to the judge who deemed Josh safe to be around his children, and it wasn't a big deal to the Christian men who minimized and downplayed from day one, and still are, this very moment.

We don’t think it’s a big deal in secular culture, because we’re used to the idea that “boys will be boys” and we’ve peddled the lie that porn is harmless, when it’s really the gateway to an abusive mindset and actions, and fuels trafficking, rape and the abuse of children.

But we don’t think it’s a big deal in Christian culture because we’ve also peddled the “boys will be boys” mindset. Except we’ve added Scripture to it, and told women they’re responsible for men’s lust and addictions. That if they don’t have sex enough, porn and affairs result.

We’ve talked about his sexual needs like it’s impossible to go more than a few days without release, but couched her sexuality as existing solely for his benefit. We’ve turned women into dangerous beings who control whether men “fall”, and also into the solution for it.

And yes, defining women and sexuality this way is the norm, it’s not the exception. Telling women to be more sexually available to help their husband keep it in his pants is the norm, not the exception. Women are taught as the cause and solution to men’s sexual perversions.

Until our theology changes to actually reflect Scripture, we shouldn’t be surprised at any of this. It’s a story I see every single day. It’s wicked. It’s evil. And it’s long past time that we called it that – not just the abuse, but the twisted theology that fuels it.