Akiva Cohen Profile picture
Jun 2, 2021 46 tweets 11 min read Read on X
OMG, what? They filed a *civil rights* claim against MLB moving the All Star game?

People, this is not a thing. It's not even in the same zip code of a thing
Let's count the ways this is not a thing. Long-time readers will probably be able to sing along
Here's who the plaintiff is, in this lawsuit over <checks notes> harm to Atlanta businesses.

A Texas based non-profit whose mission is to highlight the economic impact of bad policy.

Makes sense. Yes, you definitely have standing here. 100%
No, this isn't going to get you associational standing. You don't get to assert the claims of 3K random businesses in Atlanta because they are "members" of your "network".
Oh dear God
"We were injured by being forced to spend money opposing your policy choice" are you on fucking crack? You were *required* to place a billboard in Times Square? On pain of what?
The only thing that can appropriately capture my reaction here is Samuel L Jackson
brb
Please please please tell me that you're going to use this to argue MLB is a state actor. (Civil rights law claims only apply to action by the state or people acting "under color of law"). That's what this is, right?
Skipping the parts on who the defendants are and jurisdiction.
Now for some basic background: What is the All Star Game, and what is the really great law that protects elections and puppies and everything good in life that MLB hates for inexplicable reasons?
1) "Punish Atlanta-based residents and businesses" - LAWL

2) Guys. You already said you're based in Texas. You CANNOT allege that you're based in Atlanta
There's a couple of paragraphs about GA elected officials saying "come on, don't do this" and MLB doing this
Not only did this cost the Atlanta area a shit-ton of money, it also cost them Will Smith, apparently.
Because, of course, the goddamned Fresh Prince wouldn't have cancelled his filming in GA if not for the MLB pulling the All-Star Game, as evidenced by ... things. And reasons. Yes. Also reasons.
They did, they did!
No, that doesn't work. That Ludtke case? It says when a tenant on public property engages in illegal discrimination that the governmental landlord has a right to enjoin but silently allows, that's sufficient state action to trigger a civil rights claim
Someone want to tell me which governmental entity with authority to force MLB to keep the game in GA didn't act? Anyone? Anyone?
And that, of course, is before we get to the absolute sheer fucking galaxy-brained beauty of the idea that you have a constitutional right to <checks notes> not have the All-Star Game moved after it was announced
Oh oh oh. Look at the giant brass balls on Howard. Look out, we've got a bad-ass over here
I'm legitimately interested in where he thinks he's going with this. To recap, Howard Kleinhandler is now alleging that by moving the All-Star Game, MLB both "deprived" Georgians of their rights and prevented Georgia's government from protecting its citizens, and I'm dying
Which rights, Howard?

They appear to be arguing there's a free-floating Constitutional right not to have other people's business decisions negatively impact you, which is . . . um . . . novel.
Which ones, Howie?

And again ... your boys aren't Atlanta residents. Come on.
Oh, I get it: political advocacy that you think would harm "Election Integrity" is a "deprivation of rights"
Now's the time that I note that: 1) Howie was one of the Kraken attorneys; 2) not the one with any legal acumen, apparently; 3) but definitely one of the smarter ones all the same. He even spelled "District" correctly!
I'm sorry, what?
The Dormant fucking Commerce Clause? Are you shitting me? Your argument now is that "only Congress has the legal right to move the All-Star Game"?
Folks, the "Dormant Commerce Clause" is the doctrine that says "only the Federal Government has the authority to regulate interstate commerce" so state regulation can't discriminate against out-of-state commerce. It fits here like Donald Trump at a DSA meeting
1) That's not a claim, doofus

2) Yes, I'm absolutely certain that at the top of MLB's mind when it decided to move the game was the impact on that well known entity, Job Creators' Network.
No, seriously: "Private business decided to punish a state for policy it doesn't like" isn't in the same zip code of a claim. Why are you like this?
No. Just no.
To make out a tortious interference claim in GA, you need to show not only that the interferer knew the contract existed, and not only that they acted wrongfully (best of luck) but also that their *purpose* was to interfere with your contract jobcreatorsnetwork.com/app/uploads/20…
You're alleging that MLB's goal in moving the game was interfering with your contracts, whatever they were?
That's not how third-party beneficiaries work, y'all. I don't get to claim rights under my local grocery store's contracts with its vendors because having food available benefits me, too.
A third party beneficiary is someone who: (1) doesn't sign the contract; but (2) is INTENDED BY THE PARTIES to be a person who benefits from it.

For example, if I rent a hall for my son's wedding (many years from now): He didn't sign the contract (he will, I ain't paying) but
both I and the caterer know that the purpose is to provide a spot for HIS wedding; if the caterer breaches the contract, not only do I have a claim, but he, as the intended beneficiary, also does.
Kleinhendler's theory is that everybody in NYC can sue a road construction company that fails to perform on time.

That's not how it fucking works.
Oh man, they pled tortious interference with general business relationships, too
Next they're on to "Promissory Estoppel" which is the no-backsies rule of American law. If you promise me something, you know I'm going to rely on that promise and change my position, and I do and give up something valuable, you can't just change your mind
Slight problem: they haven't alleged that anyone gave up anything at all.

They alleged that people expected they'd get a benefit from the All-Star Game. But "I was expecting to make money and now I won't" isn't a "change of position"
Also, "announcing where you plan to hold the All-Star Game" isn't a "promise" since the league can move the game at will. It's just an announcement of your intent.

MLB wasn't like "hey, Atlanta, we promise to hold the 2021 ASG here".
Civil conspiracy, OMG
Folks, "agreeing to do something legal that causes other people economic harm" isn't civil conspiracy. It's making weekend plans.

Stop it.
I'm just sad that I can't use the famous Texas jurist's "liking cat pictures" analogy here
And, to wrap it up, a claim for injunctive relief.

Because OF COURSE a court can order MLB to hold its ASG somewhere it doesn't want to. That's very definitely a thing that will happen.
Howie Kleinhendler: Making things somehow even stupider, every day.

It's a hell of a slogan, HK, but good on you for truth in advertising.

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More from @AkivaMCohen

Jun 30, 2023
OK, time to get myself ratioed.

The SCOTUS affirmative action decision was legally wrong - poorly reasoned and legally silly. But in the long run, and if it spurs schools to use socioeconomic status and opportunity as the finger on the scales, it will be a net positive
Race is a blunt instrument, and I think we *all* agree that, for example, Willow Smith doesn't need or warrant any sort of bump on her college application. But Willow Smith is a WILD outlier and "but what about [insert rare exception]" isn't a useful policy framework
So yeah, it was perfectly reasonable for universities to use that blunt instrument.

As many of these university reaction statements are making clear, the burden will now be to find finer instruments that allow for the same intended benefit of taking into account the very real
Read 7 tweets
Jun 9, 2023
This thread from Yesh is a good example of a philosophical mistake I like to call "solutionism" - the belief that if a problem is bad enough then there must be a solution out there to resolve it, because "yeah, it sucks, it can't be solved for" is too unthinkable to bear
You see it a lot in the context of Israel/Palestine, with people convinced that the right mixture of fairy dust & button pushing can lead to a peaceful resolution that addresses all of the important and competing imperatives, it's just that nobody has found the right mixture yet
And we're seeing it with "a large portion of the population is willing to believe any prosecution of crimes by Trump is political"

Yes, that sucks. Yes, that's a potentially society-destroying problem.

No, there isn't a solution
Read 8 tweets
Jun 9, 2023
@yesh222 You don't worry about that, because it's not a solveable problem. You keep doing the right thing and hope that convictions and mounting evidence prevents more people from joining the conspiracy theorists, but that's all you can do
@yesh222 I said this 4 years ago, and it's proven true in every particular.

Read 4 tweets
May 19, 2023
That she was the one stealing the bike.

Literally nothing she did on the video is consistent with her new story. When her colleague came over and the kids said "that's his bike, he already paid for it" she didn't deny it, or look surprised by the claim.
Like ... how do you determine truth in a they-said-she-said situation? Watch human behavior. Throughout the video, the kids' tone is exactly what you'd expect for someone who believes their own story. Hers very much is not
And when her colleague comes and suggests that the kids get another bike, and they say "no, he paid for that bike, he unlocked it, it's his" there's exactly no reaction of "no, *I* paid for it" or "what the hell", which is what you'd expect if they were lying
Read 4 tweets
May 9, 2023
Hey, Twitter, and especially my #LitigationDisasterTourists, gather round. B/cwhile DM is focusing in on the court finding that selling videogame cheats is criminal copyright infringement and RICO, I'd like to tell you about something different. The CFAA, and @KathrynTewson
And don't get me wrong - that RICO stuff is big news that should be sending shockwaves through the cheat software industry. Cheatmakers often use resellers. Being found liable on a RICO violation means that every reseller could potentially be liable for 100% of the damage caused
by the cheat software.

And by 100%, of course, I mean 300%, since RICO comes with treble damages. Plus attorneys' fees. So that's a big deal.

As is the finding that it's criminal copyright infringement. Those are both new precedents in the area, and that's huge.
Read 21 tweets
Mar 8, 2023
I'm not inclined to forgive antisemitism, but this is more a learning opportunity than a defenestration opportunity. There are people who still legitimately don't understand that "Jew down" or "gyp" are slurs; it's just a phrase they've grown up around and use w/o thought
And yes, he doubled down when called out on it. That's almost always going to happen when someone who sincerely doesn't believe they're doing anything bigoted is called out for it in a public setting.

The real test will be whether he can learn (& apologize) as he gets more info
Also, HOLY FUCKING SHIT @pnj, you couldn't find an *actual* Jew to get a quote from, so you decided to go to a Christian LARPing as a Jew for missionizing purposes? What the absolute fuck? pnj.com/story/news/loc…
Read 4 tweets

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