Thread by @tiredtempura

— honey, there is no right way, #bakt. TW: nsfw 🔞

It starts when Tetsu and Bokuto came to blows. Kei felt stupid at that moment, because after four months of living with them, he thought he would've sensed if something was wrong.

He was being too cocky, apparently.

Keiji seems privy to the reason the two punched each other. Kei's the only lost soul, blissfully unaware of the festering anger between people who are almost brothers. He came home from university that afternoon to find clenched fists and snarls.

He feels helpless.

"I need you to go outside, Koutaro," Keiji instructs in a level voice. "We are not children. We shouldn't be settling disputes like hot-headed five-year-olds."

Bokuto turns at him, teeth bared. "Drop the act. I'm so fucking tired of you acting cool. You know I'm right."

This animosity is strange. It's an alien concept for Kei. It shouldn't be existing between Keiji and Bokuto of all people. Tetsu and Bo shouldn't be throwing punches at each other.

"I told you," Tetsu laughs, low and broken. "I told you two what I felt. We talked. We agreed."

Tetsu wipes his bloody chin. "We agreed, but you fuckers can't even honor that, huh?"

Keiji winces. "It's not that simple, Kuroo."

"Sure, because I'm asking for so much, right?"

Somehow, Kei feels the scene more oppressive than the fight he wasn't able to witness earlier.

"What's happening here?" Kei asks, and the three fidget as if finally realizing they have company. Bokuto immediately moves, large hands cupping his cheeks and a bruised lip pressing a kiss on his temple.

"I'm sorry moonshine," he whispers.

Kei sees Tetsu bristling.

"Ji, what's wrong. Why are you fighting?" but Keiji looks at Tetsu instead. No words, but Kei knows unspoken things are being said between them.

He tries to keep grounded by holding the large warm hands still on his cheek. He looks at Bokuto. "Bo, what's the problem?"

"Kei—"

"Don't you dare."

It was Tetsu. Sharp and cold. Bokuto stops, but his eyes turn steely, even more determined, not even sparing Tetsu a glance.

"Promise me this won't change anything," he asks, and Kei is just so bewildered, so afraid of watching them splinter apart.

Bokuto pulls him impossibly closer. Everything feels too much; his intense eyes, Tetsu's heavy breathing and Keiji's quiet sobs. Kei wants to take them all in his arms and soothe them.

"Kei," Bokuto whispers, forehead bumping lightly against his. "I tried, I really tried."

"And maybe Tetsu's right. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I don't give a damn. I tried to fight it. I've beaten myself for feeling like this. I knew it was wrong and it would be unfair to you.

A beat. "Moonshine... I—"

A hand clamps at Bokuto's shoulder and he is thrown back.

Chaos. Tetsu wresting Bokuto, fist full of his shirt and Bokuto crumpled on the floor, flying punches everywhere. Keiji rushing in and trying to pull them apart. Kei, standing there, horrified and confused and overwhelmed. So fucking overwhelmed.

Kei turns away and fishes for his phone, hands shaking as he calls Yamaguchi. Two rings and Kei feels like he's about to really lose it. Three rings and he wants to run. A beep, followed by a cheerful voice.

"Hey Tsukki! Why'd—"

"—help me, help... Tetsu and Bo... help me."

"Drink this to warm you up," Sugawara puts a mug of tea in front of him. Kei's not sure how he ended up in the shared apartment of his former high school seniors.

Everything is fuzzy up to the point where he called Tadashi. He must've called them when Kei asked for help.

Kei remembers watching Sugawara and Daichi burst into their apartment, the latter immediately jumping into action and breaking Tetsu and Bokuto apart. Sugawara steered Kei outside, arms wrapped tightly around him.

He also remembers the face Keiji made when he exited the room.

"It's probably my fault," Kei murmurs brokenly. "They fought because of me."

"Kei," Sugawara tries to soothe him, hand rubbing his back. "It's not your fault okay? You didn't do anything. None of this was your fault."

Kei shakes his head. "I should've known better."

"I was the odd man out. I thought everything was fine between the four of us. I haven't even noticed Bokuto and Tetsu were mad with each other until I caught them fighting. If I went home late, I bet they would've pretended nothing happened. Keiji would've said nothing."

"It's no use thinking that way Kei," Sugawara gently reminds. "Beating yourself like that won't help you in any way. You can't possibly know everything. That's such an exhausting concept. You can't think you are liable for how others feel all the time."

"It's hard not to feel liable when this all happened the moment I was in the picture," Kei whispers. He wants to disappear for a while. He wants to see his mom. He wants to see Akiteru.

But he wants to see Tetsu too.

He wants to hug Bokuto.

He wants to ask Keiji what happened.

Sugawara somehow coaxes him to finish his tea and lead him to the spare room. The walls are thin, and Kei could hear the hushed conversation between Sugawara and Daichi. He's embarrassed for dragging them into this, but he's also too tired to care.

He hopes that sleep would offer some reprieve from the static inside his head. He reaches to the bedside table out of habit, realizes he left his headphones at the apartment. No comforting music tonight.

Kei basks in the silence, or not. A knock rings throughout the apartment.

Footsteps, a door creaking open. Hushed voices. It's enough to draw Kei out of bed, suddenly anxious.

"I need to talk to him, Daichi. Just... please let me talk to him. You can't do this, you can't keep him from me. I can't lose him. Not now. Not ever."

Kei knows that voice.

Tetsu is there, standing in front of a disgruntled Daichi and Sugawara. His clothes are crumpled, and his left cheek is slightly swollen, probably thanks to Bokuto.

The moment he sees Kei emerge from the spare room, he murmurs his name. But he doesn't take any step towards him.

"Can I talk to you?" he asks softly. Daichi sighs.

"If he cries again I swear I'm going to punch you, Kuroo," it's Sugawara who speaks. He looks at Kei. "Do you want to talk to him, Kei?"

A beat. A small nod.

And that's how he finds himself in the spare room with Tetsu.

He doesn't notice the duffle bag Tetsu had, not until he gives it to him. "Spare clothes and some toiletries," he says. "I also put your headphones there." Kei thanks him and no one speaks after that. They both stare at the wall, sitting on the bed with a large gap between them.

Tetsu likes his words. It's how he keeps up with Bokuto. He knows how to tease and goad and poke with his mouth. He can make it break people with provocation alone. Kei knows. He's a product of this wily behaviour.

People say he's like him, but Kei knows he's more brash.

But Tetsu also knows silence. This is how he makes peace with Keiji. He reads the room like how he reads people. He picks up when to unleash his words and when to stop. Kei's lack of tact sometimes is envious of this side of Tetsu.

Tetsu chooses silence this time, but Kei is tired.

"You said you'd talk to me," he says. "So talk."

A dry chuckle follows. Tetsu hides his face behind his hands, crouching.

"I never thought this is how I'm going to do this. I had always imagined it differently, you see."

Finally, Tetsu looks at him. His hand reaches for his clenched, cold one, gently prying it open and slipping his fingers on the spaces in between.

"Will you forgive me, Kei? Can you promise me you would understand, that this won't ruin us?"

Kei doubts whatever's coming would give him peace. He knows it's him. He had caused this rift, the hows and whys don't matter.

But he nods, even if it was an empty promise. Tetsu smiles at him and kisses his knuckles.

"I'm in love with you."

"Koutaro knew because there is nothing that I won't share with him. He's my best friend. My confidant. I trust him with my life. He's family.

"And if Koutaro knew, that meant Keiji knew too. He's an extension of him. You know how they are."

"We always talked about it Kei, how lovely it was to live together. I was obsessed with the idea of seeing you all the time, that you won't be miles away from me, that I could finally have you.

"You had no idea how happy we were when you told us you were going to study here."

"I waited Kei. I wanted you to be ready. I knew that if I asked you out so soon, you'd run away from me. And this, you living with us, being with us, these are my fantasies all coming true. They knew I was in love with you.

"But they were in love with you too."

"Keiji told me first. And Kou confessed after. They said they can't help it. That they tried to fight it because they fucking knew what I felt, that it would break us.

"So we promised no one will know about it, not even you."

“So much for that flimsy pact, huh?” Tetsu laughs bitterly.

“Bokuto wanted to tell me,” Kei murmurs, but Tetsu shakes his head.

“We’re not as selfless and giving as you imagine us, Kei. We’re selfish people.”

And that’s when it hits Kei.

From someone who only knows the basics. Again, NSFW.
privatter.net/p/7522925

Slowly, Kei sits up, and so does Tetsu. Keiji stands up and disappears briefly before coming back with a blanket for Kei, wrapping him up snugly.

He doesn't know how to break the ice now. He never initiated conversations. It's always Tetsu or Bokuto.

Keiji and he communicated in a telepathic way that even Bokuto envied.

"I'm sorry." Keiji beats him to it. "Kei, I'm sorry."

Kei shakes his head. "It doesn't matter."

"I'm not sorry," Bokuto interrupts, eyes too bright and alert for someone drunk.

"We broke a promise. But I'm not sorry for falling in love with you."

Kei watches Tetsu's jaw clench.

"We can't go back to how we used to be. You won't be able to look at us the same way, and we won't be able to hide this anymore," Bokuto ploughs on. "I love you, Kei."

Keiji snaps a cold 'Koutaro' but he only shakes his head.

"I don't want to share you. I want you. I want you for myself. And I won't allow anyone else in this room either to pretend they haven't thought of that ever."

"Why does this feel like an ultimatum?" Kei asks.

"Because it is an ultimatum," Tetsu answers. "He wants you to pick."

"And I'd lose all of you if I can't pick, is that it?" Kei snaps. He looks at Keiji. "I never wanted this."

"I never wanted this either," Keiji murmurs.

Kei looks at them, the three people he has come to love as family.

And he makes a choice.

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