Chipotle Mexican Grill has hiked prices slightly by 8363% so its CEO can claim and then destroy the mysterious Galilean moon Sofritos Cosmic Blast (formerly Europa)
"I can so I will," said John "Chipotle" Smith, who will be donating 5% of the new income to educating marginalized communities about the evils of Jupiter's moons
As our finance columnist explains, this is "to be expected" since international agreements prohibit destroying the earth's moon. "It's only natural the market would move on to destroying different moons, which will require more resources and pricey innovation."
Not sure how much that $5,983 burrito bowl is going toward putting the "blast" in Sofritos Cosmic Blast? Check out our new interactive tool here - >

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More from @ruff_bluffs

10 Jun
It's important writers put (this is moral) or (this is NOT moral :( ) after every thought or action that happens in their book. Otherwise, there is no context and I get scared Image
There's nothing wrong with adults reading YA but if you start saying a book is harmful if its message isn't clear enough for a 14 yo to grasp it you absolutely need to read something different asap
I'm genuinely enjoying the qts with writers talking about where they'd stick these parentheticals in their books
Read 4 tweets

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