foone Profile picture
11 Jun, 45 tweets, 5 min read
That conspiracy about the vac cine making you magnetic is just the best. I love it, because it's just so left field and nonsense
BTW if you take too many Tylenol/paracetamol it will make your body emit radio waves in the 93.4 mhz range which may interfere with your reception of your favorite heavy metal FM radio station
Be careful doing electrical work if you're on antibiotics because they can cause your body's resistance to drop, which may increase the chance of a dangerous shock
Fun fact: it's possible to determine if people are left or right handed with sensitive enough Geiger counters, as right handed people emit slightly more radiation, due to the chirality of potassium molecules.
One of the reasons it's vital to get the measles vax is that measles uniquely has the ability to reset your body's ability to swim.
90% of people who knew how to swim before contracting measles had to re-learn afterwards.
The other 10% lost the ability to ride a bike, and had to relearn.
Fun fact: the direction of your hair whorl is genetically determined and highly inheritable, and statistical studies have found that people with counter clockwise hair whorls are significantly less likely to be bald.
See the thing about this? All these nonsense "facts" I just made up?

NONE OF THEM ARE REMOTELY AS WEIRD AN IDEA as "the vaccine makes you mag netic"
And I speak nonsense fluently!

I'm a professional, damn it.
And I hear that and I'm like God damn you beautiful bastards how did you do that?
Except maybe the thing about right handed people being more radioactive than left handed people. I might be on to something with that one, that's some quality tomfoolery.
That's why I love conspiracy theorists. I spend time making up weird jokes and they just wake up, click on Facebook, and type out "people with attached earlobes lose the ability to see the moon if they eat tiramisu"
And I feel like a teacher seeing their prodigy student's work at going home and snapping all my paintbrushes.
All my years of work, and for what? They're not even trying and they surpass me so much weren't not even playing the same sport anymore.
I guess, honestly, it's because I'm approaching these jokes by taking an idea that's real or at least was seriously suggested at one point, even if disproven, and I'm twisting it or swapping out elements.
I have to start with reality and then wander off the path a little to make it funny
Meanwhile they are coming up with completely different ideas that I could never find because they were never on the path to begin with.
I'm like "look at this fun thing I found a few meters from the path!" and meanwhile they're parachuted a dozen miles into deep forest
And it's the kind of thing that a computer wouldn't make! Like, imagine you make a vaccine conspiracy theory. You stick a bunch of adjectives and medicines in there, then your bot is like "prilosec makes you trans" and you're like "awesome you silly bot"
But it would never come up with "the virus vac cine makes you a mag net" because YOU WOULD NEVER THINK TO INCLUDE THAT AS A POSSIBLE EFFECT
Unless you're going for a huge corpus of like "all possible adjectives" and that's gonna have a lot of boring results
Guanazepam
Makes 23% of users
Untidy
Like you could scrape gigabytes of conspiracy theorist message boards and stuff them into a gpt3 algorithm and you'd get fun things like "the moon isn't real, it's actually a lizard" but you'd never be able to come up with the kind of shear and sheer creativity of MAGNETVAX
Which is kinda the point of these algorithms. They're designed to come up with likely results, with what's the most probable next symbol.
And guess what?
"the vac cine makes you magnetic" is NEVER THE MOST LIKELY NEXT SYMBOL
I hear someone say that and I'm like... We need to figure out who came up with that and send endless waves of interviewers and psychologists and do MRI scans of their brain. I want to know how they got there.
You don't start out with "hmm I don't trust the government and I heard something about autism and mmr vac cines so THE PANDEMIC IS GONNA TURN US INTO MAGNETS"
That's not the next step. Either between those steps you had a minor seizure, or you had a lot of other steps in between that I can't even begin to guess at. And I want to know. Science SHOULD know.
This is a motherfucking Phineas Gage event. Terrible, and we should do all we can to help them and make sure they can be safe and comfortable, but man are we about to learn a lot about neurology thanks to their injury.
I'm just saying, in 10 years people in med school are going to be reading entire books on what happened here.
BTW lizards are always the best element of conspiracy theories.
The moon? Lizards.
Mk ultra? Secret lizard experiments.
Bermuda triangle? Big lizard keeps eating the boats.
JFK? he was shot by a lizard.
Where's Jimmy Hoffa? He got turned into a lizard by evil Mafia Warlocks.
Who built the pyramids?
Guess what, it was lizards.
Velcro and microwaves and the bop-it are all technologies we stole from the crashed lizard space ship at roswell.
What's at Area 51? Secret Army project to train lizards to fight in wars.
What really happened with the Dyatlov Pass incident?
They got attacked by deadly lizards.
Who was the Tamám Shud man?
HE WAS A LIZARD
What's on the erased Nixon tapes?
Talkin' bout lizards.
BTW it's important you know that when I say lizards here, I don't mean like V lizards. They're not secret lizard people in human disguises.
It's just a bunch of these little guys
BTW, I've not seen that one yet.
You know what's in the vac cine?

LIZARDS
Don't worry. They're good lizards. They're on your side. They hate the pandemic virus.
And they know kung-fu
A mean ol' spikey boy comes in your lungs and is about to start infecting you when WHAM! OUTTA NOWHERE, REPTILIAN SPIN KICK TO THE FACE!
And that's how the vaccine protects you. I'm a scientist, I know these things.
That's why this magnet idea is nonsense. Lizards aren't magnetic, don't be silly.
Everyone knows that magnets are made of tiny frogs, that's how they work.
I need to make a YouTube video where I rub a floppy disk on a vaccinated person and see if I can still read it afterwards

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More from @Foone

12 Jun
Doing more documentation on the Instavox PCBs. This is the Modem Board. Image
I already identified the big chip as a WD TR1865P-00, which is a UART.
-00 means the clock maxes out at 1mhz. I think the TR1865 (vs TR1863) just means it has internal pull-ups on all inputs. Image
Read 77 tweets
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I'm not interested in the news about more Castlevania shows because all the best Castlevania story happened right here.

Image
Here's a version filmed with pixels and not potates
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The worst thing about modern adaptations/remakes is when they're explicitly not allowed to show or involve some old element because the rights are different.
Like I listened to a thing about She-Ra which said they can't use any He-Man villains or He-Man himself
Despite the original She-Ra starting as a he-man spinoff.

And that's bullshit
Yeah there's a new he-man cartoon in the works and they don't want to have rights complications and confuse the audience but have you considered who cares?
Read 19 tweets
12 Jun
The best thing about modern Tumblr is that there will be a post that's a video of some big strong lady showing odd how she can lift a thousand pounds or she'll be showing how good she is at swordfighting or archery or something and I'm like say the line, say the line! Image
And then someone will reblog with this image Image
And I cheer. Fuck yeah you funky wlws.
Read 13 tweets
11 Jun
Someone should make a compilation of people who did unaware playthroughs of The Outer Wilds and their reaction to what happens about 20 minutes into the game.
This thread will have spoilers when I go and do that
But for now, if you haven't played it, don't look it up. Just go play it. It's an amazing game of space exploration in a small scale
First Materwelonz. They didn't die before. My favorite part is "wait, what's that noise?"
Read 43 tweets
10 Jun
I've argued about this before, damn it! Launching billionaires into the sun is a terrible idea.

It takes way more delta-v to get to the sun than it does to just fling them out into interstellar space!
And the reason is simple: you'd think it'd be easy to fall into the sun, and it is, if you're motionless relative to the sun.

You are very not.
You're already moving at about 30 kilometers a second, sideways, because YOU ARE IN ORBIT OF THE SUN ALREADY
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