foone Profile picture
20 Jul, 38 tweets, 6 min read
So, bad news: I'm also a pope and I've set it up so that you have to spend an extra 10 minutes in purgatory if you follow me on Twitter
Unlike the classic pope, I don't care if you're not catholic, either.
Still gotta do it.
Like, Odin's gonna call you aside and say that you've earned Valhalla but first you gotta go to purgatory, because they've got a cross-licensing deal with me
Reincarnation? Nirvana? Nothingness? That can wait. First, 10 minutes of purgatory, because you followed @foone on Twitter.
It's okay. There's a 386 set up there next to a pool table (no cues, though) , and it's got Scorched Earth on it. We can play a round or two before you go.
Annoyingly, even though I'm a pope, I can't be an Antipope, because I'm not catholic. I'd much rather be an Antipope, that sound cooler.
Plus if I ever met the standard pope, we'd explode.
I'm gonna have to make my own religion, make rules about being pope in it, then violate them while still claiming the title to pope, so I can be a Foonist Antipope.
I'm gonna write a Dan Brown Angels and Demons inspired novel but instead of using antimatter to blow up the Vatican or whatever, they're trying to sneak in an Antipope to meet the nominal pope and cause an explosion
I would calculate how big that explosion would be, but I'm too lazy to get out Atomic Rockets and also when I look up how much the pope weighs it tries to tell me about his wife which only raises further questions
Anyway some quick back of the envelope calculations suggest it'd be around 10^19 joules, or 3 gigatons.
That's about twice as much as all nukes going off at once.
So that's up there in the range where civilization isn't surviving it but humanity might maybe survive, if we're lucky. It's not quite a Dino-killer asteroid scale explosion.
Although I think we should adopt this as a new unit of Boom.
The Dino-killer asteroid exploded with the force of 40,000 popes.
The last time Yellowstone supervolcano erupted, it had the energy of 289 popes
The 2011 Japanese earthquake represented a release of energy of over 3000 popes
Basically I'm just taking the Atomic Rockets Boom Table and converting it to units of Pope:…
The 50 megaton Tsar Bomba nuclear test was the most powerful man made explosion ever, but it was less than 2% of a Pope
When asked about the Tsar Bomba test, the Pope remarked
That would have been Pope John XXIII, as the Tsar Bomba test was in 1961.
Although the most hilarious thing on the Wikipedia page for it is "the detonation was intended to be secret, but"
Mate, there were alien fish on Europa who were like "did you hear that? What the fuck was that noise?"
Fish 2: "I don't know, but it sounded like 1/50th of a Pope"
Anyway the real problem with the pope as a measure of energy is that popes change. Not only do we get new popes every decade or two, but a given pope could put on or lose weight, affecting the energy represented by pope-antipope annihilation
Not to mention right now we have TWO POPES.
Although I hear if you observe them, the duality collapses and there's only one pope, who is a particle
So obviously the solution we need to adopt is a well defined unchanging METRIC POPE!
It makes sense, anyway. The original idea for metric reportedly came from the Bible. Metric is all about powers of 10, and the Bible has 10 commandments. Simple!
Anyway the Metric Pope weighs exactly 100 kilograms.
I could make a joke here about bread and fishes but I'm not going to. I'm not going to fatshame the Metric Pope.
Anyway much like there are several threads which mean I'm never working for Microsoft or the Government, if the catholics are right and I go up in front of Saint Peter after I die, he's gonna have a printout of this thread clipped to my dossier, with DENY stamped over it.
"fatshame the Metric Pope" is highlighted and underlined, twice.
I will at least get to go to Metric Hell.
It's much like the idea of hell from Dante's Inferno, just with 10 circles instead of 9.
It makes sense anyway. Dante was writing in the 14th century! We've had a lot of time to invent new sins since then.
Although to be fair the 10th circle is mainly for, well...
as a Strict Foonist I can't even say the name out loud, as we believe saying it might Attract Attention from devils and demons and humans twisted by greed and hate.
But I guess I can put up a screenshot and let you read it. That won't cause too much attention from evil, I should hope.
Just keep in mind that your immortal soul is at risk if you dabble in this heresy.
I'm off to confession. If you know what's good for you, you should be too.
(watch that now I'll be getting people saying you shouldn't listen to my opinions on NTFS because I'm only against them because I'm a catholic, which I'm not)
Anyway, credit for the screenshot in the first post:…
I'm gonna stop now. I promise.
If you enjoyed my weird rambling about exploding metric popes, feel free to tithe:

• • •

Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to force a refresh

Keep Current with foone

foone Profile picture

Stay in touch and get notified when new unrolls are available from this author!

Read all threads

This Thread may be Removed Anytime!


Twitter may remove this content at anytime! Save it as PDF for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video
  1. Follow @ThreadReaderApp to mention us!

  2. From a Twitter thread mention us with a keyword "unroll"
@threadreaderapp unroll

Practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @Foone

22 Jul
Don't worry. I'm sure nothing's happened to the crystal. Image
hahaha best game ever Image
Read 7 tweets
22 Jul
wow. tumblr is very tumblr. they announced a new feature that's under beta testing, where you can opt-in to a patreon sort of system where some posts are marked subscriber only, and your followers can pay 4$ a month to get access to them.

That's not the Very Tumblr thing.
the very tumblr thing is that one of the people I follow was the first person to get access to this feature, as they were in the beta testing program.
This put a "verified" style checkmark on their name.
this feature has proven to be SO UNPOPULAR with the tumblr userbase that that user had to talk to tumblr support to get it removed and they're taking a break from tumblr now because of all the death threats.
Read 5 tweets
22 Jul
I keep seeing this golden egg thing in the Game Grumps play through of Grim Legends number (mumble), and I keep thinking DEMON CORE DEMON CORE Image
a wizard was trying to reassemble their magic ball when the wand slipped and they accidentally hit everyone within 25 feet with a Greater Fireball
Read 10 tweets
22 Jul
I once again have the "problem" that I have bought something thinking I knew what it was, then I get it home and look closer and it's different and weirder. Image
So the front has a channel selector, and the back has TV IF Output and RF input, plus that remote input.

So I think: oh, it's an RF modulator. You pipe video into this, it modulates it into an RF signal on a specified channel. Image
for example, this'd get used for a hotel: you could set up an amiga presenting a list of events happening that day, plug it into an RF modulator, modulate that onto your internal cable system. Then you can just tell guests "tune into channel 9 for info!"
Read 22 tweets
21 Jul
how the fuck does Kenmore have 4,191 models of side-by-side refrigerators? Image
yeah I know they've been around for 108 years but I doubt they have all those models in this parts website, and are they really averaging 38 new models a year?
I type in my model number and it says "not found"
I unselect "side by side" so I can see all fridges, and it doesn't even tell me how many there are.
it's more than 10,000, which is the limit on their search
Read 8 tweets
21 Jul
I've always loved the look of the Proton. It just seems like a more elegant rocket from a more civilized age.
I think it's just growing up only seeing video of saturn V and space shuttle launches, and they both have a lot messier looking exhaust, more chaotic and expanding.
Like they're a coal engine powering a train.
In comparison the Proton looks like a butane torch, a thin knife of controlled flame.
Read 35 tweets

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just two indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3/month or $30/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!

Follow Us on Twitter!